2009 is almost over. Now what?

(An Observation in action) December-2009

As we move into the year 2010 and beyond, there is allot to think about and understand as it relates to world of networking and business relationship development.

In fact, let me begin with a shocking statement that should take many of you including my colleagues by surprise.

Networking is DEAD.

And in my opinion, networking as we know it today has been dying a slow death since about 1995.

And, if you think that you’re going to continue doing what you have been doing as it relates to business networking, your making a big mistake.

Now don’t get offended by my statement. I really don’t mean any harm.

It’s just true.

In another soon to be released observation, I’ll be discussing what I call the “The Joy of Interaction” and what networking has in common.

But for now, let’s get back to this observation.

Here are the facts.

a. Networking is awkward for most people
b. Networking is hit and miss for most people
c. Networking is always situational
d. Networking in most instances is about individual success
e. Most networkers are not following up with people they meet
f. And last and most relevant is that networking is never about you. It’s always about the other person.

So with that said, I’ve chosen to make some suggestions on what you should consider doing to make the most from the business networking relationships you have developed and are in the process of developing.

And by doing so, you’ll get closer to making the most from your business networking relationships as you move through 2010.


Here are my 15 top suggestions
for greater networking success in 2010

1. Invest more time with people – The biggest investment you will make in building relationships and proving out a productive working relationship is TIME. Simply stated, the more you know and understand others, the more likely that relationship will flourish.

2. Become purpose driven – If building relationships are going to be at the fore-front of you networking activities, then you first have to strengthen your relationship with self. Self reflection, reason for being, purpose driven and vision is an important part of that process. If you don’t take the time to sit back and work on yourself, who will?

3. Create unparallel visibility – The bottom line for more business in 2010 is simply becoming more visible. That means getting targeted with face to face and on-line social networks. While Face book is a cool place to hang out, consider strengthening your profile and connection base on such sites as LinkedIn, and other industry specific portals to make more of a professional impact worldwide. Also, take a closer look at the micro sites that are more geographic to the area where you are marketing your services and creating impact. Some examples are –
www.SmallerIndiana.com (central Indiana) www.biznik.com (Pacific Northwest) etc.

4. Develop relationship strategies – Everyone talks about relationships. Now you can do something about it. A relationship strategy is anything that you can do that adds value to others. Strategies put you in command and control of your relationship mindset. Don’t just talk about it. Do something about it. Develop your strategies today. (if you would like a list of 15 top relationships strategies to begin working with), visit www.ronsukenick.com and under resources, feel free to download for FREE the Relationship Strategies Blueprint.

If you need help in getting them implemented, don’t hesitate to give me a call.

5. Relentlessly follow-up – -Think about some of the recent networking events you attended and ask yourself the following questions:

a/ From the 10-15 people you might of met, how many actually followed up with you by sending a note in the mail, an e-mail, or a phone call and said – “What a pleasure it was meeting you at the recent any-town Chamber of Commerce event”?

b/ In fact, ask yourself the same question – How many did you actually follow up with a note, an e-mail, or even a phone call?

See what I mean? I told you so. Nobody is following up with anybody.

If you need a simple follow-up system that works every-time, send an e-mail to rs@ronsukenick.com and I’ll send you what I call the “Magic of 6”.

What’s great about it is that it works every-time.

6. Be in a hurry – The biggest driving force in most countries continues to be speed. People want what they want, and they want it NOW! Take the moment and dance with it. Don’t wait to get better connected. And don’t wait to provide the support that’s needed now by the many people your meeting.

When you act on the environment, you being proactive and by being proactive, you’re generating excitement, energy, focus, and enthusiasm. Thus leading to greater success.

If most of your efforts are in the reactive mode, it’s simply a slower process and your generating fatigue, crisis management, thus often leading to failure.

7. Find ways to become more useful and resourceful to others – Simply stated, whatever you have done to satisfy anyone yesterday, it won’t be enough to satisfy them tomorrow. Make sense? I want to suggest that you immediately look for no less then 6 ways that you can become more useful and resourceful to others. Let me give you a hint. Keep meeting people. The more people you know that know what to do next, and know how to get things done, the more useful and resource you will be.

8. Increase you frequency of interaction – Increased interaction brings increased cooperation with others. To many times people fail to follow up with people their meeting. If you can get up to 6 interactions with anyone, it’s likely you’ll have a good beginning for a relationship that will never end. See my suggestion # 5 for more comments to support this suggestion.

9. Join a referral club – There is a distinction in the kinds of networks that exist. Go for the strong contact, referral giving groups. The BNI’s, LeTips and the newest and closely watched Gold Star Referral Club are for sure your best bet for the greatest return on your time and money invested. In fact, I’m a director with Gold Star and would be interested in you helping me build referral networks all over the country. Call me at 317-216-8210 TODAY!

10. Connect the Dots as often as you can (making the most from the Small World Phenomena) – When was the last time you heard that infamous expression – It’s such a Small World Isn’t It? – Keep in mind that the power in your networking efforts is always in the connection. And that the connection between you and the people your meeting, is never between you and the people your meeting. It’s between you, them, and something else that you have in common. If you want to learn more about this process, e-mail me for my article – “It’s such a small world isn’t it?”

11. Increase the rewardingness – If you want people to act the way you want them to act, you have to increase the rewards of being and doing business with you. Weather it’s knowing more people, becoming a better listener, or even just putting in a toll free number to reach you, people will always respond to something they like and appreciate. Keep the rewards coming.

12. Take the Joy of Interaction to higher levels – Let’s face it. The reason why you love this thing called networking is clearly because of what I call – The “Joy of Interaction”. Isn’t it fun? I didn’t say it was productive. I just said its fun. So when you’re out interacting with others, consider bringing the following characteristics to the table – fun, excitement, passion, creativity, dependability, responsibility and support. Make it a joyful experience for the people your meeting.

13. Go after the relationship, not just the sale – This is the very reason why most people find networking so in-effective. There going after the sale. When looking to build your business, think relationship first.

14. Don’t manage people (manage the system) – Systems build business and are more predictable and reliable. In a networking environment, it’s very difficult to get people to do what you want them to do, and if you could, it would have to be with their own willingness to get it done. My suggestion is that you stick to a predictable system that works every time.

If interested, go to YouTube and search for the Ron Sukenick Toaster story. It’s a metaphor for how you can build relationship with the use of a system. You will love it.

15. Listen three times as much – When you speak, you learn what you know. When you listen, you learn what others know. The power has always been in the listening. Here’s a good question you should ask yourself – When was the last time anyone said – Thanks for taking the time to listen? If it’s been while, go back to work and become a great listener.

In fact, great listeners, have great connections.

So when all is said and done
Stay focused, challenge your thinking and underlying beliefs, be more strategic, go after the relationship, connect the dots, make the connection, and always take the moment and dance with it.

Targeted Visibility: Intentional & Focused Approach

Targeting your visibility involves choosing those focus groups where your goals and objectives align to the objectives of others within these groups.

There are countless ways we meet people just by following interests. To meet people that align with your interests, you must pay attention to how you are spending your time, what you are saying yes to, and with whom. Your visibility will take on a life of its own, multiplying exponentially.

Has the art of giving to one another in Small Biz America been lost?

I’ve been involved in the world of small business networking for the last 30 years and in my opinion, the mentality of giving to others has shifted.

Business networking that is widely accepted and enjoyed by people in small business has become one of the most sought after marketing tools to grow a business.

While networking typically is viewed as a low cost marketing for less idea, it does require a great deal of discipline and hard work to build the kind of business opportunities one desires.

But today, I want to dig deeper into the gift of giving.

In fact, a great quote that I have loved and appreciated over the years has been William Blakely’s quote saying - “That you always Give without remembering, and you always receive without forgetting”.

So what’s my gripe you ask? It’s simple, with no shortage of people networking, and places to network at, everyone is looking for something.

You see, the mentality is one of – What can I get from this group? Or what can I get from this person?

What about this thought? – What can I give to this group. Or what can I give to this person.

John Kennedy said it so well in the 1960’s when he said – “Ask not what this country can do for you, but what you can do for this country.

So in closing, when were not able to attend a function or event, let’s simply accept the fact that when were not there, were not able to give.

As my mother always told me, the gift, is always in the giving.

Developing my relationship mindset

A turning point in developing my relationship mindset occurred about twenty five years ago. I was on a plane from L.A to N.Y. to visit my parents. It was one of those midnight specials. The plane wasn’t as full as I am sure the airline wished it would have been, and the opportunity to stretch out across the entire row of seats made itself available.

What happened next I believe literally changed my life, or, at least my attitude about life and the power behind developing a relationship building mindset.

On awakening after a few undisturbed hours of restful sleep, I felt something at my head. Grabbing to feel what it was, I picked up this 5x 7 black-covered book titled The Master Key System by Charles Haanel. For whatever reason, somebody either accidentally dropped it at my head, or possibly placed it there for me to enjoy for the rest of my life.

Let’s take a moment to examine some of Charles Haanel’s ideas. The book points out that much gathers more is true on every plane of existence, and that loss leading to greater loss is equally true. Our minds are creative, and conditions, environment and all experiences in life are the result of our habitual or predominant mental attitude.

Our attitude of mind depends upon what we think. Therefore, the secret of all power, all achievement, and all possibility depends upon our thinking.

This is true because we must “BE” before we can “DO,” and we can “DO” only to the extent which we “ARE,” and what we “ARE” depends upon what we think.

Our attitude of mind toward life pretty much determines the experiences with which we are to meet. If we expect nothing, we shall have nothing; if we expect much, we shall receive the greater portion.

The important aspect of this strategy is recognizing how our thoughts are getting in the way, and focusing on relationship connecting, rather than spending our energy on negative thoughts about the relationship or the individual, or what is not working. We are able to focus on gathering more.

Interdependence Unleashed

Cooperative relating is the integration of independence and cooperation.

Mutual dependence takes place when we embrace this in our thinking and interactions: I need you and you need me.

We act or work together, cooperating to achieve what both parties need/want.

We own collectively, and share in the risks and the benefits, or experience the joy of helping another reach another level. In a truly cooperative relationship, this basic dynamic is extended repeatedly. Cooperative partners bring to light what is possible together.
Fostering an interdependent environment creates an incredible web of support that is transformative!


Fully recognizing that we are interdependent beings reinforces the fundamental and enduring principle that we know at our core that we are not alone in our living, never have been, and never will be.

Your Independence is a Direct Result

Known to the wise, Abraham, Buddha, Confucius, and Jesus understood the underlying connectedness of all humanity. Their admonitions to us contain high awareness of our human interdependence. - -Timothy Wilken


All accomplishment, all achievement, all success, all progress that we as human beings have experienced is a result of our interdependence with others! A tremendous amount of support surrounds us in all areas of our lives; our families, our friends, our business colleagues, our partnerships, our educators, our children, our community, our state, our country, our world are visible support structures.

While the list of this interdependent support goes on, as individuals we often fail to realize that independence is a direct result of our interdependence and cooperation with others. We cannot truly become independent without the help of others! How do we achieve independence? We must learn to ask for this help! Independence is achieved through interdependent associations when people are united together to support each other: mentoring, coaching, sharing resources and referrals, working together toward common objectives, and helping in numerous ways.

Are you hearing what I just said?

Take 30, divide by half, add ten, the answer is? Let me ask you one more time. Take 30 divide by half add ten the answer is? Now for those of you who answered twenty-five that’s the correct answer but to a different question. You see if I said take 30 and divide by two that would be fifteen and then if you added ten, the answer would be twenty-five. But if you remember correctly, I suggested that you take 30 and that you divide by half. Half goes into 30, 60 times and when you add 10, the answer is 70.

Our intention is not to present a tricky question; our intention is to make a point.

You see, many of us respond quickly to the questions that we think are being asked. We don’t hear what is said. By doing so, we miss the real question, and the opportunity to respond with understanding and knowledge.

When Does Failure to Listen Occur?

Failure to listen occurs whenever the receiver “tunes out” the sender of the message before receiving the entire message. One instance is when you disagree with some part of what is being said; you listen to the point of disagreement, and begin formulating your response in your head rather than continuing to listen.

This is the old habit of listening to only what you want to hear and failing to listen to the rest of the message. As a result, the message is misunderstood and not heard.

When we find ourselves not listening to others it’s often a product of being bored, tired, hurried, or a dozen of other reasons that we come up with. Who cares what the reason is? The fact is, we assume we hear. In any event, we are not purposeful in our listening efforts. To become a more purposeful listener, we first commit to listening, assuring that we indeed did hear the words that the person expressed. We then ask questions and put into our own words to clarify that we understand what the other person is saying. The light bulb pretty quickly goes on when we find that we have truly heard and truly do understand another. This kind of listening helps reveal deeper feelings and needs.

Commitment Within a Relationship Mindset

For many people, the biggest reward from commitment to the relationship process is that it leads to closer, warmer, and deepened relationships with others.

When you take a pro-active approach to developing relationship with others, others are eager to enter into business and social relationships with you. Now it doesn’t mean that everybody will choose to interact with you. A relationship mindset simply increases the possibility that someone will want to interact with you!

Commitment is the foundation of this strategy. A relationship mindset begins with commitment and ends with commitment. Not only will you build strong relationships in your professional life with this commitment, but within your personal life as well. This strategy and the commitment that you develop, supports the passion behind the relationship process.

The difference between a successful relationship mindset and an unsuccessful relationship mindset is attitude.

Making the Choice

The process of choosing and deepening relationships is interrelated. At each point in your relationship, you and those to whom you relate may choose either to develop or not to develop your relationships further. How do we make that choice? Of course, there are many ways. One person described her experience as jumping belly first into the water. Jane describes her process. It’s like going into a swimming pool and testing the water first. I gingerly test the water with toes, feet, and then slowly edge into the water. I temper my approach into the water with caution depending on whether it is a warm day in June versus a hot day in July. If the sun is shining or if it is overcast, I approach the water accordingly.
The same is true in relationship. We are continuously feeling our way along in the meeting with another. We test the temperature, gauging the mutuality and connection, and then step back to assess how it feels, and whether the other person or persons have a reciprocal response. A multitude of factors in our environment are considered in going forward. Sometimes, no holds barred, we jump right in!
I will offer the following five R’s to throw into the mix of discussion around this very critical topic: Rewardingness, Reciprocity, Rules, Resourcefulness, and Relationshift. Below is the first of the 5 R's.

Rewardingness

Webster defines rewarding as a sense of reward or worthwhile return. We are building on this definition by defining rewardingness as an ongoing exchange and flow based on mutual benefit for all. This exchange may be in providing services or products, or sharing learning, contacts, or resources.

There exists a fundamental psychological principle that people are more likely to repeat behaviors that have rewarding consequences for them than those that do not. Relationships are likely to deepen if partners can increase the range and depth of the mutual rewards they receive from one another, and if they are able to sustain a high level of mutual trust and benefits.

The relationship provides joyful experiences. This is the reward itself!
Phil Black, a student, writer, and teacher of Gestalt Psychotherapy poses the rhetorical question “…when all goals are close to equal, what determines who we remain in relationship with whether it is business or pleasure? It is the relationship itself that determines this decision—the ease and the pleasure derived. In the end, there must be joy: a laugh, a smile, or we will not find satisfaction, and we will not stay with or return to.”

Capturing his remark and adding, yes, it is the reward of the relationship that keeps us involved.

The desire for success

While the basic desire for success is naturally a part of all of us, what we view as important varies. A broad spectrum exists from improved health and fitness, greater personal development, achievement, travel, fulfilling relationships, a deeper spiritual life, a more harmonious family life, a more exciting social life, more financial freedom, education, personal growth, or more free time.

The desire for success hasn’t changed over time; what’s changed is our perception of the way we get there. We always achieved success through relationship—now we understand that to better help and receive help, we must fundamentally experience this in all aspects of our lives. Therefore, the intention to form solid relationships must be at the forefront of all our interactions.


Many of us know this at a surface level. Bringing this principle to a heightened awareness propels us toward reaching out, tuning into the possibilities, the support, the creativity in relationship all around us.


The driving force of my work is that relationships are primary to everyone’s experience. We are constantly in relationship with our self, with others, and with a greater environment, world, and source. A continuous process of cultivating, attuning and attending to these relationships over a lifetime is part of the human experience we share with one another. Our observation skills, our diagnostic skills, and our remembering what is most important increases the quality of interaction in relationships, and, we would add, increases the quality of life.

Are you Netbeing or Networking?

 A clear distinction between NetBeing and Networking exists. Networking provides a situational focus to gain competitive personal success and for individuals to connect with others to accomplish individual project tasks. In NetBeing, individual purposes overlap and a joint focus fosters mutual and multiple successes. NetBeing transforms networking contacts to a relationship focus through person-to-person connection. NetBeing links creativity, resources, and ideas, people-to-people in mutually supportive, rewarding, and purposeful relationships over a lifetime.

Attention to a Relationship focus

Motivational experts in the last century proposed a timeless and sustaining theme in the study of motivation: human beings throughout the world, share fundamental needs. On a continuum from physiological and survival needs to reaching to realize full potential, the central element threading throughout is the need for affiliation. Human beings have a need to be in relationship.

What is relationship? Simply put, relationship is a flow of feeling This flow of feeling may be between you and a higher source, between you and nature, between you and your environment, or between you and another person. In this flow, an opportunity exists to experience connection. With another there is an opportunity for individual and mutual growth and support. We, as human beings, affect and are affected by others, help and are helped. Individuals have the opportunity to reach individual potential far beyond what they are able to do on their own, and to co-create when truly engaged in relationship. As they say in Africa, it takes a village to raise a child. Attention to a relationship focus takes this premise to the next level—it takes a village to maximize individual potential! All of us need relationship to maximize our full potential!

MICHAEL GERBER FOREWARD

When my friend, Ron Sukenick, asked me to write the Foreword to this book, The Power is in the Connection, I cringed. So many books, so many ideas, so many prescriptions for success; the thought of dealing with yet another one was overwhelming to me.

Fortunately, I relented. And I'm glad I did. This book is a breath of fresh air. Finally, someone has addressed the subject of networking in an original and authentic way.

In a way that gets to the bottom of the word, relationship, and brings that word to the top of the mind, to the top of the heart, to the top of the commitment one needs to make if a truly authentic relationship is going to be served between the person who is looking for something and the person who is being engaged.

Because isn't that how all relationships start out? Someone wants something? A fellow wants a wife; a woman wants a husband? A girl wants a boy; a boy a girl? A business wants a customer; a customer wants to find exactly the right business to serve his or her needs?

And isn’t it true that most of us are pretty dismal when it comes to the process of communicating to someone else what we want? In fact, isn’t it also true that just knowing what we want, and feeling justified in wanting it, is a skill few of us have developed? And not knowing what we want, how often do we pursue a relationship with one thought in mind, only to find when it’s too late that even if we got what we thought we wanted, it was far from the truth of what we wanted? And what do we do then?

That's what this book is all about. It defines the essence of relationship, and the 15 strategies one can use (along with the 15 skills one needs to develop) in order to develop healthy, authentic, deeply productive relationships. Whether for the purpose of growing your business, or for the purpose of developing your career, or for the purpose of creating more profitable work, working with more exciting people, doing things you love to do, rather than things you don't, relationship is the vehicle.

Tall order for a personal improvement book. But this book does exactly that. And in a way that is thoroughly enjoyable to read, and thoroughly inspiring to use as a bridge between where you are presently, and where you want to be.

I'm sure you'll find this book to be as inspiring as I did. I'm sure you'll find more than you're looking for in it.

Thanks Ron and Jane, for asking me. And, thanks for your patience in waiting for my response. But, after all, isn’t that what a good relationship is about?

Michael Gerber, Author
xThe E-Myth Books

“Great Listeners have Great Connection”

As many of you know, listening is one of the most sought after marketing tools of all time.

In fact, why is it so hard to find a good listener?

Here’s another question - When was the last time anyone said to you - Thanks for taking the time to listen?

Has it been awhile?

So without further ado, allow me to share a few of the many great listening quotes that are out there.

If you have a favorite listening quote, please don’t to hesitate to send it to me.

I can always get better at this thing called – listening.

Enjoy.


The most basic of all human needs is the need to understand and be understood. The best way to understand people is to listen to them. — Ralph Nichols


Effective listeners remember that "words have no meaning - people have meaning." The assignment of meaning to a term is an internal process; meaning comes from inside us. And although our experiences, knowledge and attitudes differ, we often misinterpret each other’s messages while under the illusion that a common understanding has been achieved. — Larry Barker


Our first responsibility as effective listeners is to understand ourselves as communicators. Just as the sources of the communication message shout are trained in self-intrapersonal communication, so, too, should listeners know themselves? — Carolyn Coakley

Every person in this life has something to teach me -- and as soon as I accept that, I open myself to truly listening. — Catherine Doucette

We listen in order to learn and retain information. If we are speaking, we are not listening or learning anything to add to our sum of knowledge. This is why the first step to effective listening is to stop talking! — Ken Fracaro

Listening effectively to others can be the most fundamental and powerful communication tool of all. When someone is willing to stop talking or thinking and begin truly listening to others, all of their interactions become easier, and communication problems are all but eliminated. — Ken Johnson

The contrast between hearing and really listening can be as different as night and day. And in a business environment, not listening effectively to customers, employees, and peers can mean the difference between success and failure. — Ken Johnson
Listening well is as powerful a means of communication and influence as to talk well. — John Marshall
When making personal decisions, listen to what your head says; then listen to what your heart says. If they differ, follow your heart! Whenever you listen to your heart, you listen to that part of you that is most interested in your well-being. — Anonymous


This is a time to give the gift of listening. There are an unknowable but very large number of folks who could really be helped with our listening to them. I know your hearts are all very warm and giving. Please, take time to listen to those around you.
- Richard D. Halley



My only advice is to stay aware, listen carefully and yell for help if you need it. — Judy Blume

I tell you everything that is really nothing, and nothing of what is everything, do not be fooled by what I am saying. Please listen carefully and try to hear what I am not saying. — Charles C. Finn


History repeats itself because no one listens the first time. — Anonymous

A vocal competition in which the one who is catching his breath is called the listener. — Anonymous

The older I grow the more I listen to people who don’t talk much. — Germain G. GlienThe right to be heard does not automatically include the right to be taken seriously. — Humphrey Hubert

One advantage of talking to yourself is that you know at least somebody’s listening. — Franklin P. Jones

Just because I didn’t do what you told me, doesn’t mean I wasn’t listening to you! — Hank Ketcham

The opposite of talking is not listening. The opposite of talking is waiting. — Fran Lebowitz
Congress is so strange. A man gets up to speak and says nothing, nobody listens and then everybody disagrees. — Will Rogers

Make sure you have finished speaking before your audience has finished listening. — Dorothy Sarnoff

A good listener is a good talker with a sore throat. — Katharine Whitehorn
It seems that we shall eventually come to believe that the responsibility for effective oral communication must be equally shared by speakers and listeners. When this transpires, we shall have taken a long stride toward greater economy in learning, accelerated personal growth, and significantly deepened human understanding. — Ralph Nichols

Talk less--you will automatically learn more, hear more, see more--and make fewer blunders. — Mark McCormack


You talk, you repeat what you already know; when you listen, and you often learn something. — Jared Sparks

Referral Clubs big attraction

In a world that has radically changed for small businesses succeeding in today’s economy, the role of relationship building and referral giving is at an all time high.

Ask any small business owner today how they meet people best and undoubtedly they will state that they always meet people best through recommendation.

But go on to ask if they have all the referral business they can handle and that answer is almost always no.

So what’s the paradox you ask?

It’s simple. People are so pre-occupied with building their own business, it’s becomes difficult to take the time to help others.

But that doesn’t make any sense. In fact, from my understanding of people, and the trends I’m seeing in the small business community, the desire for success hasn’t change. What’s changing is simply the way we get there.

People are coming together today to help one another get ahead.

And what’s exciting is that structured referral programs enter the picture in a big way..

In a structured fun, fast moving agenda, businesses can meet weekly for the sole purpose of getting to know one another and with intention of passing qualified referrals to one another.

In fact, a great running referral system can easily provide the following benefits to anyone in business.

Here is what you can expect to receive as benefits from a structured referral giving program:

1. A Lead Generating System – This comes as a result of members inviting guests weekly to experience the group. Not everyone becomes a member. But everyone can easily become a good beginning for a relationship that will never end.

2. Business Building System – A business building system is a predictable and reliable approach with a structured agenda to provide business to one another. Simply said, it’s a part of the agenda at every meeting in which referrals are given to all in attendance. It’s an experience you don’t want to miss.


3. Relationship Building System – If were going to think long term, and want to build a business that succeeds, we have to go after the relationship. It’s too often that people in business are looking for leads and not understanding the real value of building relationships. Think about it.

How easy is in to get referrals with people you don’t know? That’s right. It’s not easy. What great about referrals groups is that they meet weekly with the clear intention of building relationships. And from my experience, if you can get up to six interactions with anyone, and at the same time provide mutually beneficial experiences, it’s likely you’ll have the beginning of a relationship that will never end. That’s why weekly referral is catching on like fire.

While Gold Star Referral Clubs are not the only referral clubs around, after spending 30+ years around the world of networking, Gold Star is the latest and what I feel the greatest and most improved system for building business around.

I liked their system so much; I decided to become one of their national director’s.

To learn more about Gold Star as a business building system, visit - https://www.goldstardirectors.com/index.asp
to become one of our director's, or simply to discuss the world of people connecting with people, I’m easily reachable at – rs@ronsukenick.com or by phone – 317-216-8210.

Use Your Outer Eye And Your Inner Ear

From Ron Sukenick

I've been reading some of the sales training materials from Dr. Ramon Avila of Ball State University. He's got a list of Do's and Don't's for salespeople, and prominent among the Don't's is this: "Don't have a wandering eye." As a business coach for so many years, I'd put that one at the top of my list for anyone who wants to go beyond networking and create effective and long-lasting relationships. Here's what I mean:

A couple of decades ago, when formal networking was growing in popularity, we considered it a "no-no" to spend too much time at a networking meeting with just a few individuals. We wanted to be efficient, so, what we'd do is, while speaking to one person, we'd be scanning the room to see what contact to make next. We listened just long enough to the other person's remarks to rank them as useful to us or a waste of our time, and we never maintained full eye contact with anyone for very long. Not only weren't we listening very intently, it was worse than that - our contact knew we weren't listening very intently! There was no real connection - we didn't give one a chance to get started!

Now, don't get me wrong. I'm still the same Ron Sukenick who for almost thirty years has been promoting networking. In fact, I've had the privilege of being recognized as a national expert on networking. But business never stays the same, and so networking needs to change along with it.

I'm no physiologist, but now that I've resolved to go beyond networking and use and teach the 15 relationship strategies I talk about in my book (see The Power Is In The Connection), I'd swear there's a pipeline between our eyes and our inner ears. When we really look at another person, focusing all our attention on them, not scanning the room, not looking away, it actually opens up our "inner ears", so we can listen purposefully and honestly mean it when we say to that person, "Tell me more".

"Stop, look, and listen." - remember that one from grade school? I realize now that this is excellent advice, not only for school children, but for every business person who wants to travel "into the beyond" of networking.

The Good And Bad In "Bounce"

From Ron Sukenick

Close to thirty years of working as a business coach - I'll tell you, that experience has gone a long way in helping me discover more about myself and other people. Then, when I studied under Dr. Robert Rohm and incorporated the Ultimate Discovery System into my work, that really helped my understanding of how relationships can be nurtured.

It's funny - there are two things about relationships that I've always known, but now I understand them a lot better. In a way, each of these two things relates to the word "bounce".

A friend shared with me a saying her grandmother used to repeat to her: "Laugh, and the world laughs with you; cry, and you cry alone." The first thing that came to my mind when I heard this saying was the four personality styles in the DISC personality profile (which so many corporations use to form effective teams). You see, even though each personality style has its strengths, and even though each person has value, it's a lot easier to do business with any person with an "upbeat" attitude. "Upbeat", you'd have to agree, always attracts more friends and more business than "downbeat"! Call it the "bounce factor". "Bounce" doesn't have to mean extroverted and life-of-the-party; in fact it can take the form of quiet optimism and openness to accept new ideas. Whatever form it takes, people like doing business with people who've got "bounce"!

Now that I've made reading and writing blogs a greater part of my business repertoire, I've become aware of a different meaning for the word "bounce". This meaning's more technical and not nearly so positive. When online searchers click onto a website or a blog post, but don't find the information they want, they leave quickly. A high "bounce rate" is not something you want for your blog or your website, because it means you've failed to engage readers' interest and attention.

When I started thinking about all this "bounce" stuff, I realized it all ties in with the concepts I teach about going beyond networking to NetBeing. When we're meeting another person, as I explained in "The Three Magic Words of Beyond Networking", too often we rush through the encounter. We're so intent on seeing if we can benefit, we take things too seriously and lose the upbeat "bounce" quality that would draw that person to us. Then, because we're too anxious to exhange information and leads, we forget to listen three times as much as we talk. That's why, I realize, traditional networking has such a high "bounce rate".

We really want more than this for ourselves, don't we? And we can have more, if we keep that positive "bounce" in our attitude, and take the time to connect and reduce our "bounce rate"!

Slow Down To Be In The "Right Now" in Business Encounters

From Ron Sukenick

Going beyond traditional networking to the kind of interactions that start relationships takes a lot. Thing is, though, a lot all at one time won't do the trick. As I teach in my business coaching and in my Relationship Strategies courses, the purpose for setting a system in place is so you can make a habit of doing a lot of little things. Whatever business you're in, you do business with other people. And, just as the Kitty Kallen song says, and as I've pointed out before in my Beyond Networking blogs, when you're dealing with people, little things mean a lot.

As a business coach, I know business is constantly changing. I make an effort, no matter where I am and no matter what I'm reading, to pick up ideas on making relationships better. A couple of Sunday's ago, A "Cathy" comic strip reminded me of one of the saddest aspects of interaction that I see, which is being in too much of a hurry in our encounters with others.

Cathy and Irving have been visiting Cathy's parents for the holidays, and now it's time for them to leave. Cathy's mom says, "You're leaving so soon? Here, take the lists of things we didn't have a chance to do. Take the clippings of all the special places we ran out of time to visit, the family videos we didn't have a chance to watch." The visit had gone by and somehow these meaningful little things hadn't gotten done.

Every time we attend a networking meeting, every time we encounter a colleague or a customer, we're given a little "slice" of a chance to go beyond an encounter and create a relationship. Too often, though, we rush past these opportunities. We talk a little, we listen a little, we exchange business cards or even leads. But somehow, we don't take enough time or pay enough attention, and all of sudden, the opportunity to truly connect has slipped away. You leave the networking meeting with a little bit of an empty feeling. You worked at networking, but, somehow, networking didn't work for you!

Next time, don't hurry by a precious opportunity to connect. Be "in the now" and get it right with the person who is there with you right now!

Take A Tip From Meeting Planners To Go Beyond Networking

From Ron Sukenick

To go beyond networking, I've found, we need to go beyond what's expected in the normal course of establishing business contacts. The value of good business relationships has never been higher. Good relationships bring business to you, bad ones drive business away. The concept is simple; putting it into practice beginning with the very first interaction is simple, too, but we need to work at it.

Dr. Ramon Avila, professor of sales and marketing at Ball State University, teaches that the WOW factor in sales means not just fulfilling, but exceeding customers' expectations. That's exactly what I believe we need to do to go beyond networking - we need to exceed expectations.

I read a wonderful article in Professional Speaker magazine, titled "Inside the Mind of Meeting Planners". As I was reading the article, I realized that the expectations meeting planners have of professional speakers are the same things business people should be doing in building strong business relationships.

Here are just a few of the things Corbin Ball Associates, meeting technology professionals, said they expect of the speakers they hire:

Absolute reliability.
Absolute integrity.
Quick responses (to e-mail and phone messages)
Be very clear about billing - no surprises!
No prima donnas, please. Be easy to deal with.

Aren't these exactly the qualities you'd look for in someone when you're beginning a business relationship? Be all these things and then - go beyond and exceed expectations!

If You're Listening WIth Purpose, Believe Them The First Time

From Ron Sukenick


Poet Maya Angelou said, "If someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time". People show us who they are all the time, I've come to realize, even when they don't know they're doing it! But, as I said in More Interactions To Start Relationships, it's still up to us to notice and to give importance to the precious things we're seeing and hearing from other human beings.

When Oprah Winfrey quoted Maya Angelou in the graduation address she gave at Wellesley College, she used Maya's words to warn young women to stay away from "men situations" in which they are mistreated or lied to, rather than hanging on to a belief those men would change and come to treat them better in the future.

From my vantage point as a business coach, that line of poetry by Angelou has a broader and more positive meaning. When we meet a new business contact, and we are "in the moment" with that person, asking open-ended questions and saying "Tell me more!" , then listening purposefully to truly understand that person's perspective, that someone will, in fact, "show us who they are". Because we've gone beyond traditional networking towards NetBeing, we will have created the beginnings of a relationship.

In my Relationship Strategies Institute I teach how, using the DISC behavior model, we can notice four basic behavior patterns people tend to use. We each tend to use one style as our "fall-back", a way of behaving that feels most comfortable. This is what I meant when I said that people show us who they are even when they don't know they're doing it. As you become familiar with different behavior styles, you can use the model as a tool for communicating with other people in language that makes them most comfortable and most open to developing a relationship with you.

I've learned people want to be known and valued for who they really are. That's exactly why, after teaching effective networking for so many years, I've come to see that nowadays, real, profit-generating networking requires going beyond that. We need more strategy, more connectedness, and more trust. I think that's what Maya Angelou was really talking about - being open to really "seeing" and accepting others. If we listen with purpose and with true interest to people we meet, they will show us who they are. We'll be able to believe them the first time, and they, in turn, will be able to believe us!

Little Things Mean A Lot

From the desk of Ron Sukenick

Even if you're too young to remember the hit song popular in the '50's, "Little Things Mean A Lot", the advice in that title will never go out of style for business relationships.

My work involves teaching a set of attitudes and actions that foster meaningful connections between people. In going beyond networking to build connections, paying attention to details is absolutely crucial.

In the song, a woman is telling her romantic partner what little gestures he can perform that would hold a lot of meaning to her. "Blow me a kiss from across the room", Kitty Kallen sings. "Give me your arm as we cross the street…Send me the warmth of a secret smile", she adds.

I would never presume to offer advice on love, but I can see some powerful parallels between the business followup system I teach in my Relationship Strategies courses and in my book and the lyrics of this Kitty Kallen blockbuster hit song. That's because, whatever kind of business we're in, we do business with people, and to people, little things mean a lot. For example, in my earlier blog, Interactions That Start Relationships, I suggest one little thing you can do as you're preparing to leave a networking event, recommending that you make one last round to say a special goodbye to each person you met for the first time.

You see, I believe that, before we can go beyond traditional networking, we need to set a system in place, a process for getting to Connection. In each part of that process, it will be the little things that make all the difference, those crucial extra touches that give clues to others that they are important to us.

Dr. Ramon Avila, who teaches sales at Ball State University, talks about the Six Silent Questions people think (but don't ask) when they meet us. After determining if we are competent and dependable, our new business contact is asking him/herself a question about us: Does this person understand my issues and challenges? The reassurance you provide is in the details. What little things help make each step of your followup process more personalized?

Here's my Beyond Networking challenge to each of you reading this blog as together we begin moving our business "into the beyond" in 2009: Take a moment right NOW and come up with three little things you can do to make a big difference in your business relationships. Email those to me at rsukenick@indy.rr.com. Watch out, world - we're going into the Beyond!

Are You Ready When They Are?

From the desk of Ron Sukenick

When I first heard the Delta Airlines slogan “We’re ready when you are!”, I thought, “Wow! An airline after my own heart!.” You see, one of the main principles I teach as a business coach is this: You’re always better off to under-promise and then over-deliver. In other words, not only is it crucial for you to do exactly what you say you’re going to do, and to do it within the promised time frame, good business involves delighting your customers and contacts by going above and beyond their expectations. That’s one of the reasons I use my toaster as a metaphor for a business followup system. When you have a system in place for dealing with new contacts as well as with your existing customers, that system enables you to be ready - ready to follow up and to do all the things you promised – and more!

Alas, in the case of Delta Airlines, the company slogan turned out to be empty words. While I was grateful for the extra time I got to spend with my daughter as I was driving her to the Cincinnati airport (after Delta had summarily cancelled her flight from Indianapolis), I reflected on how very disappointed I was feeling. The company’s advertisements, and particularly the implied promise of their slogan, had led me to believe Delta would be ready when we were. They weren’t ready, not at all.

I realize, as I’m writing this blog, I’m living proof of a fact of business life. Happy customers may tell a few people about their positive experience with a business. But studies show that unhappy, disgruntled customers will tell tens of people how angry they are that some businessperson got their hopes up and then didn’t come through for them. Sure enough, here I am, telling hundreds of blog readers how disappointed I am that an airline wasn’t ready when I was.

Of course a building block in exceeding customer expectations is for you to know, not merely guess, what those expectations are. In my earlier blog, Interactions That Start Relationships, I talked about purposeful listening, using the three magic words, “Tell Me More!” to help you understand your networking contact or your customer. That way, you can tailor any action promises you make to that individual's needs. Remember to promise only what you will, in fact, be ready to do. Later, when you come through with even more than you promised to deliver, you’ll be showing your networking colleagues and your customers that you are, indeed, Ready When They Are!

Mind Your PQ's

From the desk of Ron Sukenick

Just look back and count. Most of you reading this blog spent twelve to sixteen years of your life in a classroom, developing your intelligence, referred to as IQ. Now you’re out here in the business world, doing your best to line up up all those lessons into a career that makes financial sense. What’s more, unlike Rodney Dangerfield, you want to be able to say “ I DO get satisfaction” from that career. And that’s where PQ comes into play.

Just as IQ tests measure intelligence, your Personality Quotient, or PQ, measures your ability to understand yourself and others for effective communication and teamwork. Is PQ important? And how! Studies have shown that your knowledge and experience in your chosen field (essentially those things IQ measures) account for only 15% of success in the workplace. The other 85% relates to people skills, measured by PQ.

People skills, like intelligence, are developed through learning, but in the case of PQ, it means learning more effective ways to behave and to interact with others. The education offered through Relationships Strategies Institute begins by having you answer eight simple questions about yourself. Your answers will offer valuable clues about your personality style at work and in business by revealing your mindset, your communication style, and your motivation. As Dr. Robert Rohm, founder of the Ultimate Discovery System I use, likes to say, “If I understand you, and you understand me, doesn’t it make sense that we can work more effectively together?” The understanding starts with you and then radiates outward to others.

PQs are very much a part of the process of going Beyond Networking. In fact, the pont behind these blogs is that, as a business relationship coach, I was beginning to sense that networkers are beginning to seek something traditional networking just can’t supply. As I pointed out in Why A Blog About Beyond Networking, I began to realize we don’t want to just keep working at networking; we want networking to start working for us! To do that, we need to reach beyond networking to connection. In short, we need to mind our PQs!

Using Relationship Skills In A Job Search

from the desk of Ron Sukenick

Every day in the paper I read about mass job layoffs. When I attend networking group meetings, I seem to meet more and more people on the hunt for new jobs. That's why the other day, as I was going through piles of different articles I'd collected over the past few months, it was natural that the one that caught my immediate attention came from a publication called JobDig.

The article I'd clipped was a half-pager titled "Tips For The Entry-Level Job Seeker". This piece was highly interesting for me, because much of the advice JobDig was offering to young job seekers, even though writer Taunee Besson wasn't using the same words, might have have been taken right from my Relationship Strategies courses or my Beyond Networking blogs.

First of all, rather than just searching the employment sections of the paper or going online, Besson tells applicants to change their approach. If you're in a job search, she advises putting together a description of your ideal job and then responding only to positions that closely match that description. When you find a match, she says, customize your resume to what that job specifically requires. In other words, Besson's saying, don't lower your expectations, and keep your goals firmly in mind.

This advice is very much in tune with what I teach about the 5 R's of personal and professional relationships. The first of the five R's is rewardingness. That means that that, in the long run, it's not going to work for you to "settle" for a job that you would not find rewarding and challenging, A solid, productive employment relationship needs to bring reward - in the form of personal satisfaction as well as monetary reward for you and for your employer.

JobDig, I was gratified to see, focused readers' attention on the power of networking. "Because employers want to hire candidates they know and trust, targeting potential employees through contacts is the way companies fill 80 to 90 percent of their openings, writes Besson. For that reason, she advises JobDig readers to "focus on finding openings through networking with friends, relatives, professional organizations, professors, fellow alumni or church members."

I've devoted my entire professional life to helping people connect to other people, sharing tools, training, resources, and systems. What business networking boils down to is that your best clients and customers meet you through an introduction from someone they already trust. I think what the JobDig article boils down to is that the best employment relationships start the same way!

Gift Returns And Returns On Relationships

from the desk of Ron Sukenick


You may have already handled these matters, but at my house we're only now getting around to deciding which gifts to keep and which to exchange, plus composing all the thank you notes. Thank goodness I noticed Miss Manners' syndicated column headline "New Year's Not Too Late For Overdue Thank-You's!"

I've often mentioned in my blog how "easy" it is nowadays to thank a new networking friend for taking time to meet with you. With all the communication technology we have at our fingertips, the challenge is presenting your thanks in personalized way, in order to create interaction leading to a lasting relationship. To accomplish that, our message should show that we recall - and value - things about the other person that makes connecting with them special for us.

OK, with thank-you's done, I can focus on returning gifts that don't fit my size or my taste (just as I'm positive others are doing with presents received from me). The book "Do Your Giving While You Are Living" tells how we can avoid all this returning of gifts. Author Robin Spitzman advises us to pick up clues throughout the year in order to "create perfect gifts that demonstrate you really understand who that person is".

As I read further into the book, I found a couple of lines that mirror something I wrote in an earlier blog about going beyond traditional remarks in followup emails, and specifically mentioning pieces of information or news items related to your new business friend's work or personal life. In that same vein, Spitzman writes, "When you're having a phone conversation with someone who matters to you, pick up ideas about what that person cares about. As soon as you hang up, write them down."

Since gift givers' collecting clues year-round can help create perfect holiday-time gifts that fit recipients' needs, I imagine that if we were to put Spitzman's advice into practice. fewer gifts would need to be returned or exchanged. Likewise, I'm thinking, purposeful listening in networking encounters and in all our followup contacts may result in creating more "fitting" and more mutually rewarding business connections in any season of the year!

Sleep Number Business Relationships

from the desk of Ron Sukenick


I've never devoted much thought to bedding, but SleepNumber ® beds have got to be one of the best consumer product ideas ever devised. Think about it - each side of the mattress can be individually programmed. As one of the product ads promises, "Neither you nor your sleeping partner has to compromise on the firmness or softness of the bed. Each of you can find your own level of comfort." It's absolutely brilliant! What's more, I think I've just found a new coaching metaphor-in-a-mattress.

You know how I'm always using the metaphor of my toaster to teach business owners and sales staff the importance of setting a system in place to attract, follow up on, and maintain business relationships? Well, the SleepNumber® bed serves as a perfect example of another fundamental truth I teach about business: People are more likely to repeat behaviors that bring them a feeling of reward. Customers, associates, and contacts will form a relationship with you because they feel they are rewarded. They will continue the relationship for the same reason.

One of the things I stress in "Thinking Points For Connecting Forward" is to ask people what "one thing" would help them, right now, move their personal or professional life forward, and then help them connect to resources to achieve that goal. So far, so good.

Here's where the individually-adjustable mattress metaphor comes in. Different people have different ideas about what's rewarding to them. Some business contacts focus on long-term benefits; others need to perceive more immediate rewards. Some value individual recognition, while to others a sense of belonging and connection is a priority. Remember the Four Main Personality Styles of the DISC model of human behavior? That tells us different people have different needs, different talents, and different perspectives.

Can you see why the the SleepNumber® bed idea holds such genius for sustaining mutually rewarding business relationships over time? Both parties need to feel rewarded in the relationship, but each could be getting different kinds of rewards out of it. Perhaps what I need most right now is a sounding board for ideas I have about growing my business. You, on the other hand, need information and contacts in an industry you want to penetrate. Because we're going beyond traditional networking to NetBeing, the two "sides" of our relationship can be adjusted to fit our individual needs.

Wow! A toaster metaphor and a mattress metaphor! What more could any business coach need?

Going Beyond The Law Of Attraction In Business

from the desk of Ron Sukenick


Last week I blogged about "Find Me If You Can" lingerie, the product that's attracting so much negative attention from feminists. That's because each feminine underwear item is equipped with a GPS device, suggesting a way for jealous males to keep track of the comings and goings of spouses or significant others.

I drew a parallel between the advice offered by Konrad Marshall in an indy.com article about "Find Me If You Can" (guys should work harder at nurturing closeness with their gals, rather than keeping them close via electronic surveillance!) and my own business coaching advice about nurturing relationships with customers, business partners, and networking contacts.

In today's blog I want to back up a step. Before you can keep business relationships, you need a system for attracting relationships in the first place. In fact, the word "system" is key to everything I teach. Remember, developing leads and referrals and seeking out business is called netWORKing for a reason, and any sort of work is smoother and more effective if you've got a system in place.

My favorite analogy for a business system is my toaster. Once I've set the dial, inserted the bread, and pushed down the lever, I can let my toaster do its job. We activate the system when wee're introduced to someone, continue with a followup email, an idea for a meeting, and the meeting itself. Then we thank the new business contact and stay in touch. At each stage, to go beyond traditional networking to true interaction, we keep the attraction by personalizing our listening and our response.

Just as no GPS-equipped lingerie can bring real closeness to a couple, not all the wonderful modern technology available to us for business communication - fax, email, texting, cell phones, videos, conferencing, Twitter, blog, and on and on) can keep business relationships close. Only we can accomplish that, by collaborating with others and creating mutual rewards for staying connected.

Don't Worry About Keeping Them Close - Keep Them Close To YOU!

from the desk of Ron Sukenick


What do you know? The Brazilians have produced a modern version of the chastity belt, a lingerie line with a GPS tracking device called "Find Me If You Can". For me as a business coach, networking expert, and behavior consultant - well, as you might imagine, this little news item about GPS underwear offers more food for thought than I can digest in one sitting!

Since I'm always interested in business, I must say "Find Me If You Can" wins the marketing prize because of all the attention it attracted, even though much of the attention was negative. In my next blog, I want to talk about attracting attention to your business in positive ways.

From a relationship point of view, I was especially interested in Konrad Marshall's remarks in the last paragraph of the article. "If she's such a beautiful bird", he asks, "why not set her free?" I think he meant that relationships can't be forced, as I emphasize in my book "The Power Is In The Connection". Both people in any relationship need to find a reward in staying connected. Marshall's advice to the suspicious:" Don't worry about keeping her close. Work a little harder at keeping her close to you."

One of the things I talked about In my earlier blog, Shed To Stay Alive, is the way relationships tend to ebb and flow, and how they're always moving and changing. Sometimes, we need to be able to let go, at least for now. Of course, by using purposeful listening and committing ourselves to "be in the moment" with other people, we can work at keeping them close to us. But, in the final analysis, if it's not right for that other person to be close to us right now, even to do business with us now, we need to "set them free".

Who knows? Later, that person might re-enter our business or personal life. Meanwhile, we need to concentrate on the fascinating and ongoing task of finding - ourselves!