Use Your Outer Eye And Your Inner Ear

From Ron Sukenick

I've been reading some of the sales training materials from Dr. Ramon Avila of Ball State University. He's got a list of Do's and Don't's for salespeople, and prominent among the Don't's is this: "Don't have a wandering eye." As a business coach for so many years, I'd put that one at the top of my list for anyone who wants to go beyond networking and create effective and long-lasting relationships. Here's what I mean:

A couple of decades ago, when formal networking was growing in popularity, we considered it a "no-no" to spend too much time at a networking meeting with just a few individuals. We wanted to be efficient, so, what we'd do is, while speaking to one person, we'd be scanning the room to see what contact to make next. We listened just long enough to the other person's remarks to rank them as useful to us or a waste of our time, and we never maintained full eye contact with anyone for very long. Not only weren't we listening very intently, it was worse than that - our contact knew we weren't listening very intently! There was no real connection - we didn't give one a chance to get started!

Now, don't get me wrong. I'm still the same Ron Sukenick who for almost thirty years has been promoting networking. In fact, I've had the privilege of being recognized as a national expert on networking. But business never stays the same, and so networking needs to change along with it.

I'm no physiologist, but now that I've resolved to go beyond networking and use and teach the 15 relationship strategies I talk about in my book (see The Power Is In The Connection), I'd swear there's a pipeline between our eyes and our inner ears. When we really look at another person, focusing all our attention on them, not scanning the room, not looking away, it actually opens up our "inner ears", so we can listen purposefully and honestly mean it when we say to that person, "Tell me more".

"Stop, look, and listen." - remember that one from grade school? I realize now that this is excellent advice, not only for school children, but for every business person who wants to travel "into the beyond" of networking.

The Good And Bad In "Bounce"

From Ron Sukenick

Close to thirty years of working as a business coach - I'll tell you, that experience has gone a long way in helping me discover more about myself and other people. Then, when I studied under Dr. Robert Rohm and incorporated the Ultimate Discovery System into my work, that really helped my understanding of how relationships can be nurtured.

It's funny - there are two things about relationships that I've always known, but now I understand them a lot better. In a way, each of these two things relates to the word "bounce".

A friend shared with me a saying her grandmother used to repeat to her: "Laugh, and the world laughs with you; cry, and you cry alone." The first thing that came to my mind when I heard this saying was the four personality styles in the DISC personality profile (which so many corporations use to form effective teams). You see, even though each personality style has its strengths, and even though each person has value, it's a lot easier to do business with any person with an "upbeat" attitude. "Upbeat", you'd have to agree, always attracts more friends and more business than "downbeat"! Call it the "bounce factor". "Bounce" doesn't have to mean extroverted and life-of-the-party; in fact it can take the form of quiet optimism and openness to accept new ideas. Whatever form it takes, people like doing business with people who've got "bounce"!

Now that I've made reading and writing blogs a greater part of my business repertoire, I've become aware of a different meaning for the word "bounce". This meaning's more technical and not nearly so positive. When online searchers click onto a website or a blog post, but don't find the information they want, they leave quickly. A high "bounce rate" is not something you want for your blog or your website, because it means you've failed to engage readers' interest and attention.

When I started thinking about all this "bounce" stuff, I realized it all ties in with the concepts I teach about going beyond networking to NetBeing. When we're meeting another person, as I explained in "The Three Magic Words of Beyond Networking", too often we rush through the encounter. We're so intent on seeing if we can benefit, we take things too seriously and lose the upbeat "bounce" quality that would draw that person to us. Then, because we're too anxious to exhange information and leads, we forget to listen three times as much as we talk. That's why, I realize, traditional networking has such a high "bounce rate".

We really want more than this for ourselves, don't we? And we can have more, if we keep that positive "bounce" in our attitude, and take the time to connect and reduce our "bounce rate"!

Slow Down To Be In The "Right Now" in Business Encounters

From Ron Sukenick

Going beyond traditional networking to the kind of interactions that start relationships takes a lot. Thing is, though, a lot all at one time won't do the trick. As I teach in my business coaching and in my Relationship Strategies courses, the purpose for setting a system in place is so you can make a habit of doing a lot of little things. Whatever business you're in, you do business with other people. And, just as the Kitty Kallen song says, and as I've pointed out before in my Beyond Networking blogs, when you're dealing with people, little things mean a lot.

As a business coach, I know business is constantly changing. I make an effort, no matter where I am and no matter what I'm reading, to pick up ideas on making relationships better. A couple of Sunday's ago, A "Cathy" comic strip reminded me of one of the saddest aspects of interaction that I see, which is being in too much of a hurry in our encounters with others.

Cathy and Irving have been visiting Cathy's parents for the holidays, and now it's time for them to leave. Cathy's mom says, "You're leaving so soon? Here, take the lists of things we didn't have a chance to do. Take the clippings of all the special places we ran out of time to visit, the family videos we didn't have a chance to watch." The visit had gone by and somehow these meaningful little things hadn't gotten done.

Every time we attend a networking meeting, every time we encounter a colleague or a customer, we're given a little "slice" of a chance to go beyond an encounter and create a relationship. Too often, though, we rush past these opportunities. We talk a little, we listen a little, we exchange business cards or even leads. But somehow, we don't take enough time or pay enough attention, and all of sudden, the opportunity to truly connect has slipped away. You leave the networking meeting with a little bit of an empty feeling. You worked at networking, but, somehow, networking didn't work for you!

Next time, don't hurry by a precious opportunity to connect. Be "in the now" and get it right with the person who is there with you right now!

Take A Tip From Meeting Planners To Go Beyond Networking

From Ron Sukenick

To go beyond networking, I've found, we need to go beyond what's expected in the normal course of establishing business contacts. The value of good business relationships has never been higher. Good relationships bring business to you, bad ones drive business away. The concept is simple; putting it into practice beginning with the very first interaction is simple, too, but we need to work at it.

Dr. Ramon Avila, professor of sales and marketing at Ball State University, teaches that the WOW factor in sales means not just fulfilling, but exceeding customers' expectations. That's exactly what I believe we need to do to go beyond networking - we need to exceed expectations.

I read a wonderful article in Professional Speaker magazine, titled "Inside the Mind of Meeting Planners". As I was reading the article, I realized that the expectations meeting planners have of professional speakers are the same things business people should be doing in building strong business relationships.

Here are just a few of the things Corbin Ball Associates, meeting technology professionals, said they expect of the speakers they hire:

Absolute reliability.
Absolute integrity.
Quick responses (to e-mail and phone messages)
Be very clear about billing - no surprises!
No prima donnas, please. Be easy to deal with.

Aren't these exactly the qualities you'd look for in someone when you're beginning a business relationship? Be all these things and then - go beyond and exceed expectations!

If You're Listening WIth Purpose, Believe Them The First Time

From Ron Sukenick


Poet Maya Angelou said, "If someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time". People show us who they are all the time, I've come to realize, even when they don't know they're doing it! But, as I said in More Interactions To Start Relationships, it's still up to us to notice and to give importance to the precious things we're seeing and hearing from other human beings.

When Oprah Winfrey quoted Maya Angelou in the graduation address she gave at Wellesley College, she used Maya's words to warn young women to stay away from "men situations" in which they are mistreated or lied to, rather than hanging on to a belief those men would change and come to treat them better in the future.

From my vantage point as a business coach, that line of poetry by Angelou has a broader and more positive meaning. When we meet a new business contact, and we are "in the moment" with that person, asking open-ended questions and saying "Tell me more!" , then listening purposefully to truly understand that person's perspective, that someone will, in fact, "show us who they are". Because we've gone beyond traditional networking towards NetBeing, we will have created the beginnings of a relationship.

In my Relationship Strategies Institute I teach how, using the DISC behavior model, we can notice four basic behavior patterns people tend to use. We each tend to use one style as our "fall-back", a way of behaving that feels most comfortable. This is what I meant when I said that people show us who they are even when they don't know they're doing it. As you become familiar with different behavior styles, you can use the model as a tool for communicating with other people in language that makes them most comfortable and most open to developing a relationship with you.

I've learned people want to be known and valued for who they really are. That's exactly why, after teaching effective networking for so many years, I've come to see that nowadays, real, profit-generating networking requires going beyond that. We need more strategy, more connectedness, and more trust. I think that's what Maya Angelou was really talking about - being open to really "seeing" and accepting others. If we listen with purpose and with true interest to people we meet, they will show us who they are. We'll be able to believe them the first time, and they, in turn, will be able to believe us!

Little Things Mean A Lot

From the desk of Ron Sukenick

Even if you're too young to remember the hit song popular in the '50's, "Little Things Mean A Lot", the advice in that title will never go out of style for business relationships.

My work involves teaching a set of attitudes and actions that foster meaningful connections between people. In going beyond networking to build connections, paying attention to details is absolutely crucial.

In the song, a woman is telling her romantic partner what little gestures he can perform that would hold a lot of meaning to her. "Blow me a kiss from across the room", Kitty Kallen sings. "Give me your arm as we cross the street…Send me the warmth of a secret smile", she adds.

I would never presume to offer advice on love, but I can see some powerful parallels between the business followup system I teach in my Relationship Strategies courses and in my book and the lyrics of this Kitty Kallen blockbuster hit song. That's because, whatever kind of business we're in, we do business with people, and to people, little things mean a lot. For example, in my earlier blog, Interactions That Start Relationships, I suggest one little thing you can do as you're preparing to leave a networking event, recommending that you make one last round to say a special goodbye to each person you met for the first time.

You see, I believe that, before we can go beyond traditional networking, we need to set a system in place, a process for getting to Connection. In each part of that process, it will be the little things that make all the difference, those crucial extra touches that give clues to others that they are important to us.

Dr. Ramon Avila, who teaches sales at Ball State University, talks about the Six Silent Questions people think (but don't ask) when they meet us. After determining if we are competent and dependable, our new business contact is asking him/herself a question about us: Does this person understand my issues and challenges? The reassurance you provide is in the details. What little things help make each step of your followup process more personalized?

Here's my Beyond Networking challenge to each of you reading this blog as together we begin moving our business "into the beyond" in 2009: Take a moment right NOW and come up with three little things you can do to make a big difference in your business relationships. Email those to me at rsukenick@indy.rr.com. Watch out, world - we're going into the Beyond!

Are You Ready When They Are?

From the desk of Ron Sukenick

When I first heard the Delta Airlines slogan “We’re ready when you are!”, I thought, “Wow! An airline after my own heart!.” You see, one of the main principles I teach as a business coach is this: You’re always better off to under-promise and then over-deliver. In other words, not only is it crucial for you to do exactly what you say you’re going to do, and to do it within the promised time frame, good business involves delighting your customers and contacts by going above and beyond their expectations. That’s one of the reasons I use my toaster as a metaphor for a business followup system. When you have a system in place for dealing with new contacts as well as with your existing customers, that system enables you to be ready - ready to follow up and to do all the things you promised – and more!

Alas, in the case of Delta Airlines, the company slogan turned out to be empty words. While I was grateful for the extra time I got to spend with my daughter as I was driving her to the Cincinnati airport (after Delta had summarily cancelled her flight from Indianapolis), I reflected on how very disappointed I was feeling. The company’s advertisements, and particularly the implied promise of their slogan, had led me to believe Delta would be ready when we were. They weren’t ready, not at all.

I realize, as I’m writing this blog, I’m living proof of a fact of business life. Happy customers may tell a few people about their positive experience with a business. But studies show that unhappy, disgruntled customers will tell tens of people how angry they are that some businessperson got their hopes up and then didn’t come through for them. Sure enough, here I am, telling hundreds of blog readers how disappointed I am that an airline wasn’t ready when I was.

Of course a building block in exceeding customer expectations is for you to know, not merely guess, what those expectations are. In my earlier blog, Interactions That Start Relationships, I talked about purposeful listening, using the three magic words, “Tell Me More!” to help you understand your networking contact or your customer. That way, you can tailor any action promises you make to that individual's needs. Remember to promise only what you will, in fact, be ready to do. Later, when you come through with even more than you promised to deliver, you’ll be showing your networking colleagues and your customers that you are, indeed, Ready When They Are!

Mind Your PQ's

From the desk of Ron Sukenick

Just look back and count. Most of you reading this blog spent twelve to sixteen years of your life in a classroom, developing your intelligence, referred to as IQ. Now you’re out here in the business world, doing your best to line up up all those lessons into a career that makes financial sense. What’s more, unlike Rodney Dangerfield, you want to be able to say “ I DO get satisfaction” from that career. And that’s where PQ comes into play.

Just as IQ tests measure intelligence, your Personality Quotient, or PQ, measures your ability to understand yourself and others for effective communication and teamwork. Is PQ important? And how! Studies have shown that your knowledge and experience in your chosen field (essentially those things IQ measures) account for only 15% of success in the workplace. The other 85% relates to people skills, measured by PQ.

People skills, like intelligence, are developed through learning, but in the case of PQ, it means learning more effective ways to behave and to interact with others. The education offered through Relationships Strategies Institute begins by having you answer eight simple questions about yourself. Your answers will offer valuable clues about your personality style at work and in business by revealing your mindset, your communication style, and your motivation. As Dr. Robert Rohm, founder of the Ultimate Discovery System I use, likes to say, “If I understand you, and you understand me, doesn’t it make sense that we can work more effectively together?” The understanding starts with you and then radiates outward to others.

PQs are very much a part of the process of going Beyond Networking. In fact, the pont behind these blogs is that, as a business relationship coach, I was beginning to sense that networkers are beginning to seek something traditional networking just can’t supply. As I pointed out in Why A Blog About Beyond Networking, I began to realize we don’t want to just keep working at networking; we want networking to start working for us! To do that, we need to reach beyond networking to connection. In short, we need to mind our PQs!

Using Relationship Skills In A Job Search

from the desk of Ron Sukenick

Every day in the paper I read about mass job layoffs. When I attend networking group meetings, I seem to meet more and more people on the hunt for new jobs. That's why the other day, as I was going through piles of different articles I'd collected over the past few months, it was natural that the one that caught my immediate attention came from a publication called JobDig.

The article I'd clipped was a half-pager titled "Tips For The Entry-Level Job Seeker". This piece was highly interesting for me, because much of the advice JobDig was offering to young job seekers, even though writer Taunee Besson wasn't using the same words, might have have been taken right from my Relationship Strategies courses or my Beyond Networking blogs.

First of all, rather than just searching the employment sections of the paper or going online, Besson tells applicants to change their approach. If you're in a job search, she advises putting together a description of your ideal job and then responding only to positions that closely match that description. When you find a match, she says, customize your resume to what that job specifically requires. In other words, Besson's saying, don't lower your expectations, and keep your goals firmly in mind.

This advice is very much in tune with what I teach about the 5 R's of personal and professional relationships. The first of the five R's is rewardingness. That means that that, in the long run, it's not going to work for you to "settle" for a job that you would not find rewarding and challenging, A solid, productive employment relationship needs to bring reward - in the form of personal satisfaction as well as monetary reward for you and for your employer.

JobDig, I was gratified to see, focused readers' attention on the power of networking. "Because employers want to hire candidates they know and trust, targeting potential employees through contacts is the way companies fill 80 to 90 percent of their openings, writes Besson. For that reason, she advises JobDig readers to "focus on finding openings through networking with friends, relatives, professional organizations, professors, fellow alumni or church members."

I've devoted my entire professional life to helping people connect to other people, sharing tools, training, resources, and systems. What business networking boils down to is that your best clients and customers meet you through an introduction from someone they already trust. I think what the JobDig article boils down to is that the best employment relationships start the same way!

Gift Returns And Returns On Relationships

from the desk of Ron Sukenick


You may have already handled these matters, but at my house we're only now getting around to deciding which gifts to keep and which to exchange, plus composing all the thank you notes. Thank goodness I noticed Miss Manners' syndicated column headline "New Year's Not Too Late For Overdue Thank-You's!"

I've often mentioned in my blog how "easy" it is nowadays to thank a new networking friend for taking time to meet with you. With all the communication technology we have at our fingertips, the challenge is presenting your thanks in personalized way, in order to create interaction leading to a lasting relationship. To accomplish that, our message should show that we recall - and value - things about the other person that makes connecting with them special for us.

OK, with thank-you's done, I can focus on returning gifts that don't fit my size or my taste (just as I'm positive others are doing with presents received from me). The book "Do Your Giving While You Are Living" tells how we can avoid all this returning of gifts. Author Robin Spitzman advises us to pick up clues throughout the year in order to "create perfect gifts that demonstrate you really understand who that person is".

As I read further into the book, I found a couple of lines that mirror something I wrote in an earlier blog about going beyond traditional remarks in followup emails, and specifically mentioning pieces of information or news items related to your new business friend's work or personal life. In that same vein, Spitzman writes, "When you're having a phone conversation with someone who matters to you, pick up ideas about what that person cares about. As soon as you hang up, write them down."

Since gift givers' collecting clues year-round can help create perfect holiday-time gifts that fit recipients' needs, I imagine that if we were to put Spitzman's advice into practice. fewer gifts would need to be returned or exchanged. Likewise, I'm thinking, purposeful listening in networking encounters and in all our followup contacts may result in creating more "fitting" and more mutually rewarding business connections in any season of the year!

Sleep Number Business Relationships

from the desk of Ron Sukenick


I've never devoted much thought to bedding, but SleepNumber ® beds have got to be one of the best consumer product ideas ever devised. Think about it - each side of the mattress can be individually programmed. As one of the product ads promises, "Neither you nor your sleeping partner has to compromise on the firmness or softness of the bed. Each of you can find your own level of comfort." It's absolutely brilliant! What's more, I think I've just found a new coaching metaphor-in-a-mattress.

You know how I'm always using the metaphor of my toaster to teach business owners and sales staff the importance of setting a system in place to attract, follow up on, and maintain business relationships? Well, the SleepNumber® bed serves as a perfect example of another fundamental truth I teach about business: People are more likely to repeat behaviors that bring them a feeling of reward. Customers, associates, and contacts will form a relationship with you because they feel they are rewarded. They will continue the relationship for the same reason.

One of the things I stress in "Thinking Points For Connecting Forward" is to ask people what "one thing" would help them, right now, move their personal or professional life forward, and then help them connect to resources to achieve that goal. So far, so good.

Here's where the individually-adjustable mattress metaphor comes in. Different people have different ideas about what's rewarding to them. Some business contacts focus on long-term benefits; others need to perceive more immediate rewards. Some value individual recognition, while to others a sense of belonging and connection is a priority. Remember the Four Main Personality Styles of the DISC model of human behavior? That tells us different people have different needs, different talents, and different perspectives.

Can you see why the the SleepNumber® bed idea holds such genius for sustaining mutually rewarding business relationships over time? Both parties need to feel rewarded in the relationship, but each could be getting different kinds of rewards out of it. Perhaps what I need most right now is a sounding board for ideas I have about growing my business. You, on the other hand, need information and contacts in an industry you want to penetrate. Because we're going beyond traditional networking to NetBeing, the two "sides" of our relationship can be adjusted to fit our individual needs.

Wow! A toaster metaphor and a mattress metaphor! What more could any business coach need?

Going Beyond The Law Of Attraction In Business

from the desk of Ron Sukenick


Last week I blogged about "Find Me If You Can" lingerie, the product that's attracting so much negative attention from feminists. That's because each feminine underwear item is equipped with a GPS device, suggesting a way for jealous males to keep track of the comings and goings of spouses or significant others.

I drew a parallel between the advice offered by Konrad Marshall in an indy.com article about "Find Me If You Can" (guys should work harder at nurturing closeness with their gals, rather than keeping them close via electronic surveillance!) and my own business coaching advice about nurturing relationships with customers, business partners, and networking contacts.

In today's blog I want to back up a step. Before you can keep business relationships, you need a system for attracting relationships in the first place. In fact, the word "system" is key to everything I teach. Remember, developing leads and referrals and seeking out business is called netWORKing for a reason, and any sort of work is smoother and more effective if you've got a system in place.

My favorite analogy for a business system is my toaster. Once I've set the dial, inserted the bread, and pushed down the lever, I can let my toaster do its job. We activate the system when wee're introduced to someone, continue with a followup email, an idea for a meeting, and the meeting itself. Then we thank the new business contact and stay in touch. At each stage, to go beyond traditional networking to true interaction, we keep the attraction by personalizing our listening and our response.

Just as no GPS-equipped lingerie can bring real closeness to a couple, not all the wonderful modern technology available to us for business communication - fax, email, texting, cell phones, videos, conferencing, Twitter, blog, and on and on) can keep business relationships close. Only we can accomplish that, by collaborating with others and creating mutual rewards for staying connected.

Don't Worry About Keeping Them Close - Keep Them Close To YOU!

from the desk of Ron Sukenick


What do you know? The Brazilians have produced a modern version of the chastity belt, a lingerie line with a GPS tracking device called "Find Me If You Can". For me as a business coach, networking expert, and behavior consultant - well, as you might imagine, this little news item about GPS underwear offers more food for thought than I can digest in one sitting!

Since I'm always interested in business, I must say "Find Me If You Can" wins the marketing prize because of all the attention it attracted, even though much of the attention was negative. In my next blog, I want to talk about attracting attention to your business in positive ways.

From a relationship point of view, I was especially interested in Konrad Marshall's remarks in the last paragraph of the article. "If she's such a beautiful bird", he asks, "why not set her free?" I think he meant that relationships can't be forced, as I emphasize in my book "The Power Is In The Connection". Both people in any relationship need to find a reward in staying connected. Marshall's advice to the suspicious:" Don't worry about keeping her close. Work a little harder at keeping her close to you."

One of the things I talked about In my earlier blog, Shed To Stay Alive, is the way relationships tend to ebb and flow, and how they're always moving and changing. Sometimes, we need to be able to let go, at least for now. Of course, by using purposeful listening and committing ourselves to "be in the moment" with other people, we can work at keeping them close to us. But, in the final analysis, if it's not right for that other person to be close to us right now, even to do business with us now, we need to "set them free".

Who knows? Later, that person might re-enter our business or personal life. Meanwhile, we need to concentrate on the fascinating and ongoing task of finding - ourselves!