The Three Magic Words of Beyond Networking

from the desk of Ron Sukenick

Once we understand that business referrals are much, much better than business leads, we're ready to begin each encounter in a way most likely to bring us those results.

An anecdote that sales trainers love to tell concerns hockey great Wayne Gretzky. (In fact, even if you're no hockey buff, you've probably heard the story.) Asked what the key to his success was, Gretzky explained he always skated "to where the puck was going to be" (meaning not where the puck just had been or where it was right then!).

Now, when speakers and trainers relate the story, the point they usually stress is that Gretzky had no real way of anticipating where the puck would go. He was simply willing to take a chance where others weren't. His guess turned out right just often enough to win games over opponents who were bigger and taller than he was.

As a business coach these many years, I have a little bit of a different "take" on the Wayne Gretzky tale:

When we're meeting another person, too often we rush through the encounter, focused on finding out if there's mutual benefit to be had, so that what results is an exchange of information and leads. All too often, we forget the lesson about listening three times as much as we talk. We forget to listen with purpose, so we miss a lot of important information. If we were to remember to take that important pause, we'd have time to say the three magic words "Tell me more!". Those words can result in understanding other people and having a much more productive relationship with them.

You see, I don't think Wayne Gretzky just got lucky "guessing" where the puck would go. What I think is that Gretzky was far more observant than other players. Because he was open and alert when watching others play, he noticed what their typical reactions were. He wasn't guessing, he knew. His observations of what each player was likely to do in any given situation taught him where the puck was likely to go next. Gretzky simply had more information at his command because he paid more attention to what others did in different game situations.

When you listen purposefully, it's not to make the other person feel good so that he or she will help you get what you want. It's because, whatever your business "game" is, you sincerely want to understand the other person, and you want that person to understand you. Even if you have some "handicap" relative to other players in your field (Wayne Gretzky was smaller and thinner than most of his teammates and opponents, but for you it might be that you have less financial backing for your business than some of your competitors, that you got a late start in your career, that you aren't a commanding speaker, whatever…), you'll be miles - or goals - ahead of others by listening purposefully and using the three magic words "Tell Me More!"