Opening Up The Five-Word Question

from the desk of Ron Sukenick

One way to go beyond networking is to take business encounters from mere question-answer fact-finding to the kind of open flow of ideas and information that leads to Connection. And, even though, in my last couple of Beyond Networking blog posts, I've been emphasizing listening with purpose, I need to emphasize that building business relationships is about how you answer questions as much as about how you ask them.

There's one question that you will certainly be asked many times. You may be meeting your girlfriend's parents, or your boyfriend's boss. You may be at a formal networking event, a family or high school reunion, or just at a party. Sure as my name's Ron Sukenick, someone's going to ask you the Five-Worder: "So, What Do You Do?"

(Even if you've spent the past thirty years with a company you love, doing work you adore - aren't you sometimes tempted to shut off conversation by answering something like this: "Oh, a lot of nothing. I'm independently wealthy. I just attend networking functions for laughs!")

The Five-Worder, on the surface of it, is what I call a closed end question, meaning a fact question and facts are what are expected by way of an answer. "I sell software for Dell." "I'm the marketing coordinator for a small business." "I'm a realtor." Once you've provided your factual response to the Five-Worder, the only place the questioner has to go is to ask for more facts! "For Whom? "How long have you been doing that?" Pretty soon, all you've got is an interrogation, not a conversation!

That's why one of the things I teach is to offer an open-ended answer, one designed to make the other person want to say, "Tell me more!" "I help harness technology so it works for you, not you for it!" "I match business stories with business customers." "I move American people from one American Dream to another." Your answer doesn't need to be "cute-sy" - it does need to convey your passion about the work you do, and - it needs to move the conversation further, not stop it dead in its tracks!

Remember, to go Beyond Networking, we need to go beyond question-answer sessions to true conversations.