It’s About Knowing People

What I’ve grown to realize and accept over the years is this one simple fact. The more we know about people, the more likely we can help. But the real question is this: What does it take to know people? How about this for an answer: What I’ve learned from years of interaction and observation, is that it takes approximately 2000 hours to get to know anyone. To put this into perspective, let me illustrate it this way. Working 40 hours a week for 50 weeks, would be 2000 hours. Now the question, how likely is it that you will be able to devote 2000 hours in any given year to getting to know someone? In my opinion it is not likely, but should this be a goal of ours? In my world, while the number of 2000 certainly reflects one’s commitment to building the relationship, and I suggest that you start on this road, it’s also important that each and every one of us take the time to pause, and to pace ourselves on how we build our relationships.

Has this ever happened to you?

Have you ever been to a networking event where you stumbled successfully upon an individual and before you can introduce yourself, they take the lead and start telling you everything you can imagine about them self?

Now picture this. They’re doing all the talking, and you can’t seem to get a word in edge wise. After approximately five minutes, they say “It was a pleasure meeting you,” and then they leave to go find someone else to talk to. You meet them, you have no chance to tell them about yourself, they did all the talking, and then they tell you it was a pleasure meeting you and they leave.

Most people I speak with have the impression that they really didn’t get anything from the exchange because they really have no understanding of who you are. But I want to challenge your thinking just a bit, and ask you to remove yourself from the equation to understand the real power of what just took place.

What might the person have gotten from the exchange? The answer is a joyful experience of them self. It’s that simple. You provided a forum for them to feel good about them self. In my opinion, it doesn’t get any better than that. If you can get out in the community and provide joyful experiences for others by listening to their story, their entire story, and their entire story first, then you’ll find yourself on the path of heightened friendships and deepened relationships with others.

Providing a joyful experience to others

In my first book, "Networking Your Way to Success", I addressed nine networking strategies. One of those strategies was act like a host, never a guest. Let’s expand on that strategy and explore the real power of providing a joyful experience to others.

The word Joy comes from the Latin word gaudium, meaning “pleasure, gladness and happiness.” Its inherent nature is one of sudden surprise. Joy also shows many sides and arises as a result of both internal and external stimuli. Joy is both a physical sensation and an emotional feeling. When we experience Joy, we feel complete and whole in the moment. When we experience joyfulness, we are satisfied and pleased with things as they are. And last but not least, Joy deepens our relationship with individuals, with our work and with our community.

Has this ever happened to you?

Have you ever been to a networking event where you stumbled successfully upon an individual and before you can introduce yourself, they take the lead and start telling you everything you can imagine about them self?

Now picture this. They’re doing all the talking, and you can’t seem to get a word in edge wise. After approximately five minutes, they say “It was a pleasure meeting you,” and then they leave to go find someone else to talk to. You meet them, you have no chance to tell them about yourself, they did all the talking, and then they tell you it was a pleasure meeting you and they leave.

Most people I speak with have the impression that they really didn’t get anything from the exchange because they really have no understanding of who you are. But I want to challenge your thinking just a bit, and ask you to remove yourself from the equation to understand the real power of what just took place.

What might the person have gotten from the exchange? The answer is a joyful experience of them self. It’s that simple. You provided a forum for them to feel good about them self. In my opinion, it doesn’t get any better than that. If you can get out in the community and provide joyful experiences for others by listening to their story, their entire story, and their entire story first, then you’ll find yourself on the path of heightened friendships and deepened relationships with others.

The world as we know it

A changing world has narrowed the boundaries of the world and opened up opportunities that two short decades ago would not have been imagined. A fast paced economy calls for interfacing with others in multifaceted ways, and our relationship web now extends throughout the world. Therefore, the 21st century provides unique opportunities and challenges in building business and personal relationships. NetBeing focuses the state of concentration on meeting challenges with greater and greater ease.

Let’s take a moment and look at how networking has traveled over the years.

The 70s: It was all about how much we knew; an independent focus in creating our own success existed in the business community. We presented ourselves as experts and were less likely to share information for fear of losing our ideas, our competitive advantage, or our share in the market place.

The 80s: How much we knew and who we knew. We developed our ability to negotiate and compete, and still believed we were independently creating our own success.

The 90s: Who we could gain access to. We looked at six degrees of separation, and all the ways we could reach and develop a business network. We also began to see, with the explosion of the quality movement, information sharing, involvement, and a more global market calling for establishing solid networks of relationships. The philosophy of networking exploded within the business community.

The 2000s: NetBeing, a new intelligence of relationship building, adds to our learning from the 1990s on how well we are able to respond to the needs of individuals. When we are continuously paying attention to individuals, we can better help them. This new intelligence includes more than responding to the obvious task or project efficiently and effectively. It is also about how enjoyment is derived in the process. Most importantly, going forward is about deepening relationships and attending to a multitude of ever changing factors.