Has this ever happened to you?

Have you ever been to a networking event where you stumbled successfully upon an individual and before you can introduce yourself, they take the lead and start telling you everything you can imagine about them self?

Now picture this. They’re doing all the talking, and you can’t seem to get a word in edge wise. After approximately five minutes, they say “It was a pleasure meeting you,” and then they leave to go find someone else to talk to. You meet them, you have no chance to tell them about yourself, they did all the talking, and then they tell you it was a pleasure meeting you and they leave.

Most people I speak with have the impression that they really didn’t get anything from the exchange because they really have no understanding of who you are. But I want to challenge your thinking just a bit, and ask you to remove yourself from the equation to understand the real power of what just took place.

What might the person have gotten from the exchange? The answer is a joyful experience of them self. It’s that simple. You provided a forum for them to feel good about them self. In my opinion, it doesn’t get any better than that. If you can get out in the community and provide joyful experiences for others by listening to their story, their entire story, and their entire story first, then you’ll find yourself on the path of heightened friendships and deepened relationships with others.

Strange is our situation here upon earth.

Strange is our situation here upon earth. Each of us comes for a short visit, not knowing why yet seeming to divine a purpose. From the standpoint of daily life there is one thing we do know. That we are here for the sake of others… Many times a day I realize how much my own outer and inner life is built upon the labors of others, both living and dead, and how earnestly I must exert myself in order to give in return as much as I have received and am still receiving.

Albert Einstein

Going beyond what's expected

If others always expect that you’ll do a great job,
you’re probably not exceeding anyone’s expectations.
It’s when your doing things that are not expected
and doing a great job
that you’re getting closer to exceeding others expectations.

Purposeful Communication and Resistance to Changing The Communication Process

We are all resistant at times to change! When you feel this resistance rise up in you, pause and look behind the resistance. Are you giving up the comfortableness of a proven communication success and going into unknown territory? Are you moving from your current capability of talking about the weather, what you do for a living, about the project at hand, et cetera? There’s nothing wrong with that. In fact, sharing common experiences early in an interaction will help everyone feel comfortable. Taking the next step may feel vulnerable and awkward. One way to practice this is to talk about what you are feeling, what you are aware of in the moment. Simply notice and remember with practice, deepening the person-to-person connection will become natural.

13 ways to help you create impact at the point of interaction

1.Contribute – Always share ideas, information and your resources with others.



2.Make it a small world – Everyone you meet has something in common with you. Your job is to find out what that is. In helping you to make it a small world, always mention the names of people, places and things. You’ll be amazed on how people will respond when they find that you have experienced something or know someone in common.



3.Take interest in others – By investing a little time in research prior to your following up on a contact you made, you’d be amazed at the impact upon your follow-up phone call. Go to any of your favorite search engines and be amazed at what might come up for you to read. Once found, mention to the person you're following up with what you found as you were surfing the net. They will love that you took the time to learn more about who they are. In exchange, they will be more open to learning more about who you are.



4.Link one relationship to another – The power has been and always will be in making the connection for others. Do what you can to link one relationship to another.



5.Shorten learning curves – Learn to provide information to someone in need at that very moment that request is made.



6.Listen three times as much – When you speak, you learn what you know. When you listen, you learn what they know. Need I say anything more?



7.Look & comment about their business card – Quite often people exchange business cards and without even looking at it. Consider looking at it and commenting on something you see on the card. The person in front of you will love the attention.



8.Be passionate about your work – Having a passion for the work that you do is contagious. Learn to express yourself as though your life relied on it.



9.Find your reason for being – If you're going to go about building relationships with others, it’s important that you self reflect and strengthen the relationship with yourself. Find your reason for being.



10.Connect their goals to people you know – Another form of linking relationships to one another. Once you determine what they're looking to accomplish, simply make the connection with others that you know that might be able to move what their wanting to accomplish forward. Think of this as an act of kindness.



11.Connect the dots – Connecting the dots is your ability to recall information that helps to clarify one’s intention for moving forward.



12.Take the moment and dance with it – Being in the present will always create impact when being with others. Make every effort to be with the person in front of you. Eliminate any possible thoughts going through your mind that is not directly related to the conversation and person your with.



13.Follow-up – Know that just being there is not enough. You must have a solid system for creating a persistent presence. This is where most people fall down. They meet people and do nothing with the information. You must follow-up and do so within 48 hours or less. With you being one of the only people following up from the event you recently attended, you’ll surely get their attention for future opportunities.

How we think about work is changing

There is an old joke about two manufacturing employees. The first worker asks: “Is your job in jeopardy?” The second worker responds: “No, my job is very secure. It’s me they can do without.” More and more individuals are becoming entrepreneurs, both in response to their desire to navigate their own destiny, and from reengineering, downsizing, and rightsizing that has occurred within their organizations. These new entrepreneurs are looking at each other for markets, for resources, for products, for services, and for business relationships. The new reality will continue to challenge how we think about work as mergers and acquisitions and a leaner flatter organization continues to evolve.

QUALITY OF LIFE CONSIDERATIONS

Quality of life considerations and the diversity of our times challenge us to pay attention to how we approach business relationships. Family and life balance issues have always been critical issues for most people. Now, more and more individuals are making decisions based on that which is most important to them.

The world as we know it

A changing world has narrowed the boundaries of the world and opened up opportunities that two short decades ago would not have been imagined. A fast paced economy calls for interfacing with others in multifaceted ways, and our relationship web now extends throughout the world. Therefore, the 21st century provides unique opportunities and challenges in building business and personal relationships. NetBeing focuses the state of concentration on meeting challenges with greater and greater ease.

Let’s take a moment and look at how networking has traveled over the years.

The 70s: It was all about how much we knew; an independent focus in creating our own success existed in the business community. We presented ourselves as experts and were less likely to share information for fear of losing our ideas, our competitive advantage, or our share in the market place.

The 80s: How much we knew and who we knew. We developed our ability to negotiate and compete, and still believed we were independently creating our own success.

The 90s: Who we could gain access to. We looked at six degrees of separation, and all the ways we could reach and develop a business network. We also began to see, with the explosion of the quality movement, information sharing, involvement, and a more global market calling for establishing solid networks of relationships. The philosophy of networking exploded within the business community.

The 2000s: NetBeing, a new intelligence of relationship building, adds to our learning from the 1990s on how well we are able to respond to the needs of individuals. When we are continuously paying attention to individuals, we can better help them. This new intelligence includes more than responding to the obvious task or project efficiently and effectively. It is also about how enjoyment is derived in the process. Most importantly, going forward is about deepening relationships and attending to a multitude of ever changing factors.

Relationshift - Relationships never end. They just shift

The spirit of the word relationshift reflects that a relationship never really ends, it simply flows to something else—through a relationshift, the relationship becomes relevant or figural again when time, opportunity and a mutual focus reemerges. The concept of relevance further expands the definition to consider the questions who, why, when, where, and how. We have changing needs and we need to ask a host of questions as we go forward in relationship. Paying attention to relevance in a given situation keeps an “on-target” focus toward developing that which currently aligns to what is most important to self and the other. In short, relevance is constantly changing. That is the very reason attention to the shift taking place in relationship is important.

While the relevance of the relationship is changing in the present, it is also imperative for all of us to understand that relationships, as a whole, always have been and always will be shifting! A collaboration ending now, may come back again twenty years from now. Relevance reemerges, if you will, around a common goal. Developing a meaningful and quality relationship is the lifeblood of taking your personal and professional relationships to the next level--lifting up and helping others along the way. When we look at a relationship with these eyes, we see that we can easily pick up again as we move forward in our personal and professional life.

Relationship Rules

Rules are defined by Webster’s New World Dictionary as an established regulation or guide for conduct.

The definition for the purpose of this blog is to reinforce that each of us brings rules to the relationship based on many personal factors and that rules also emerge in relationship. The personal factors, to name a few, may include personality characteristics, boundary preferences, time availability or urgency, level of experience, geographical or global factors, comfort level, life focus, or monetary needs/constraints. The rules that emerge are based on the reason for the relationship, the length of the relationship, the level of established trust, and the degree of confidence that exists. Rules constantly change as the relationship changes. While rules may become formal or contractual, rules are often informal. Relationship rules provide guidelines and clarify expectations for your own and your partner’s interaction. Simply put, rules are the conditions for relationship. Remembering to look at these rules from time to time helps uncover whether the relationship rule continues to serve you well, or whether suspending or replacing the rule would serve the relationship better.

Reciprocity

Webster defines reciprocity as a corresponding and complementary exchange: the quality or state of being reciprocal. Through mutual dependence, action or influence, a mutual exchange of privileges takes place. This definition fits well with the underlying intention that is inherent to a relationship focus. Most long-standing relationships are grounded in some form of reciprocity in the giving and receiving of rewards. Cunningham and Antill (1981) observe, “It is indisputable that most human relationships are based on considerations of equity and exchange.” Sharing this view of reciprocity as a joint responsibility enhances and deepens the relationship and the connection.

Rewardingness

Webster defines rewarding as a sense of reward or worthwhile return. We are building on this definition by defining rewardingness as an ongoing exchange and flow based on mutual benefit for all. This exchange may be in providing services or products, or sharing learning, contacts, or resources.

There exists a fundamental psychological principle that people are more likely to repeat behaviors that have rewarding consequences for them than those that do not. Relationships are likely to deepen if partners can increase the range and depth of the mutual rewards they receive from one another, and if they are able to sustain a high level of mutual trust and benefits.

The relationship provides joyful experiences. This is the reward itself!
Phil Black, a student, writer, and teacher of Gestalt Psychotherapy poses the rhetorical question “…when all goals are close to equal, what determines who we remain in relationship with whether it is business or pleasure? It is the relationship itself that determines this decision—the ease and the pleasure derived. In the end, there must be joy: a laugh, a smile, or we will not find satisfaction, and we will not stay with or return to.”

Capturing his remark and adding, yes, it is the reward of the relationship that keeps us involved.

2009 is almost over. Now what?

(An Observation in action) December-2009

As we move into the year 2010 and beyond, there is allot to think about and understand as it relates to world of networking and business relationship development.

In fact, let me begin with a shocking statement that should take many of you including my colleagues by surprise.

Networking is DEAD.

And in my opinion, networking as we know it today has been dying a slow death since about 1995.

And, if you think that you’re going to continue doing what you have been doing as it relates to business networking, your making a big mistake.

Now don’t get offended by my statement. I really don’t mean any harm.

It’s just true.

In another soon to be released observation, I’ll be discussing what I call the “The Joy of Interaction” and what networking has in common.

But for now, let’s get back to this observation.

Here are the facts.

a. Networking is awkward for most people
b. Networking is hit and miss for most people
c. Networking is always situational
d. Networking in most instances is about individual success
e. Most networkers are not following up with people they meet
f. And last and most relevant is that networking is never about you. It’s always about the other person.

So with that said, I’ve chosen to make some suggestions on what you should consider doing to make the most from the business networking relationships you have developed and are in the process of developing.

And by doing so, you’ll get closer to making the most from your business networking relationships as you move through 2010.


Here are my 15 top suggestions
for greater networking success in 2010

1. Invest more time with people – The biggest investment you will make in building relationships and proving out a productive working relationship is TIME. Simply stated, the more you know and understand others, the more likely that relationship will flourish.

2. Become purpose driven – If building relationships are going to be at the fore-front of you networking activities, then you first have to strengthen your relationship with self. Self reflection, reason for being, purpose driven and vision is an important part of that process. If you don’t take the time to sit back and work on yourself, who will?

3. Create unparallel visibility – The bottom line for more business in 2010 is simply becoming more visible. That means getting targeted with face to face and on-line social networks. While Face book is a cool place to hang out, consider strengthening your profile and connection base on such sites as LinkedIn, and other industry specific portals to make more of a professional impact worldwide. Also, take a closer look at the micro sites that are more geographic to the area where you are marketing your services and creating impact. Some examples are –
www.SmallerIndiana.com (central Indiana) www.biznik.com (Pacific Northwest) etc.

4. Develop relationship strategies – Everyone talks about relationships. Now you can do something about it. A relationship strategy is anything that you can do that adds value to others. Strategies put you in command and control of your relationship mindset. Don’t just talk about it. Do something about it. Develop your strategies today. (if you would like a list of 15 top relationships strategies to begin working with), visit www.ronsukenick.com and under resources, feel free to download for FREE the Relationship Strategies Blueprint.

If you need help in getting them implemented, don’t hesitate to give me a call.

5. Relentlessly follow-up – -Think about some of the recent networking events you attended and ask yourself the following questions:

a/ From the 10-15 people you might of met, how many actually followed up with you by sending a note in the mail, an e-mail, or a phone call and said – “What a pleasure it was meeting you at the recent any-town Chamber of Commerce event”?

b/ In fact, ask yourself the same question – How many did you actually follow up with a note, an e-mail, or even a phone call?

See what I mean? I told you so. Nobody is following up with anybody.

If you need a simple follow-up system that works every-time, send an e-mail to rs@ronsukenick.com and I’ll send you what I call the “Magic of 6”.

What’s great about it is that it works every-time.

6. Be in a hurry – The biggest driving force in most countries continues to be speed. People want what they want, and they want it NOW! Take the moment and dance with it. Don’t wait to get better connected. And don’t wait to provide the support that’s needed now by the many people your meeting.

When you act on the environment, you being proactive and by being proactive, you’re generating excitement, energy, focus, and enthusiasm. Thus leading to greater success.

If most of your efforts are in the reactive mode, it’s simply a slower process and your generating fatigue, crisis management, thus often leading to failure.

7. Find ways to become more useful and resourceful to others – Simply stated, whatever you have done to satisfy anyone yesterday, it won’t be enough to satisfy them tomorrow. Make sense? I want to suggest that you immediately look for no less then 6 ways that you can become more useful and resourceful to others. Let me give you a hint. Keep meeting people. The more people you know that know what to do next, and know how to get things done, the more useful and resource you will be.

8. Increase you frequency of interaction – Increased interaction brings increased cooperation with others. To many times people fail to follow up with people their meeting. If you can get up to 6 interactions with anyone, it’s likely you’ll have a good beginning for a relationship that will never end. See my suggestion # 5 for more comments to support this suggestion.

9. Join a referral club – There is a distinction in the kinds of networks that exist. Go for the strong contact, referral giving groups. The BNI’s, LeTips and the newest and closely watched Gold Star Referral Club are for sure your best bet for the greatest return on your time and money invested. In fact, I’m a director with Gold Star and would be interested in you helping me build referral networks all over the country. Call me at 317-216-8210 TODAY!

10. Connect the Dots as often as you can (making the most from the Small World Phenomena) – When was the last time you heard that infamous expression – It’s such a Small World Isn’t It? – Keep in mind that the power in your networking efforts is always in the connection. And that the connection between you and the people your meeting, is never between you and the people your meeting. It’s between you, them, and something else that you have in common. If you want to learn more about this process, e-mail me for my article – “It’s such a small world isn’t it?”

11. Increase the rewardingness – If you want people to act the way you want them to act, you have to increase the rewards of being and doing business with you. Weather it’s knowing more people, becoming a better listener, or even just putting in a toll free number to reach you, people will always respond to something they like and appreciate. Keep the rewards coming.

12. Take the Joy of Interaction to higher levels – Let’s face it. The reason why you love this thing called networking is clearly because of what I call – The “Joy of Interaction”. Isn’t it fun? I didn’t say it was productive. I just said its fun. So when you’re out interacting with others, consider bringing the following characteristics to the table – fun, excitement, passion, creativity, dependability, responsibility and support. Make it a joyful experience for the people your meeting.

13. Go after the relationship, not just the sale – This is the very reason why most people find networking so in-effective. There going after the sale. When looking to build your business, think relationship first.

14. Don’t manage people (manage the system) – Systems build business and are more predictable and reliable. In a networking environment, it’s very difficult to get people to do what you want them to do, and if you could, it would have to be with their own willingness to get it done. My suggestion is that you stick to a predictable system that works every time.

If interested, go to YouTube and search for the Ron Sukenick Toaster story. It’s a metaphor for how you can build relationship with the use of a system. You will love it.

15. Listen three times as much – When you speak, you learn what you know. When you listen, you learn what others know. The power has always been in the listening. Here’s a good question you should ask yourself – When was the last time anyone said – Thanks for taking the time to listen? If it’s been while, go back to work and become a great listener.

In fact, great listeners, have great connections.

So when all is said and done
Stay focused, challenge your thinking and underlying beliefs, be more strategic, go after the relationship, connect the dots, make the connection, and always take the moment and dance with it.

Your Independence is a Direct Result

Known to the wise, Abraham, Buddha, Confucius, and Jesus understood the underlying connectedness of all humanity. Their admonitions to us contain high awareness of our human interdependence. - -Timothy Wilken


All accomplishment, all achievement, all success, all progress that we as human beings have experienced is a result of our interdependence with others! A tremendous amount of support surrounds us in all areas of our lives; our families, our friends, our business colleagues, our partnerships, our educators, our children, our community, our state, our country, our world are visible support structures.

While the list of this interdependent support goes on, as individuals we often fail to realize that independence is a direct result of our interdependence and cooperation with others. We cannot truly become independent without the help of others! How do we achieve independence? We must learn to ask for this help! Independence is achieved through interdependent associations when people are united together to support each other: mentoring, coaching, sharing resources and referrals, working together toward common objectives, and helping in numerous ways.

When Does Failure to Listen Occur?

Failure to listen occurs whenever the receiver “tunes out” the sender of the message before receiving the entire message. One instance is when you disagree with some part of what is being said; you listen to the point of disagreement, and begin formulating your response in your head rather than continuing to listen.

This is the old habit of listening to only what you want to hear and failing to listen to the rest of the message. As a result, the message is misunderstood and not heard.

When we find ourselves not listening to others it’s often a product of being bored, tired, hurried, or a dozen of other reasons that we come up with. Who cares what the reason is? The fact is, we assume we hear. In any event, we are not purposeful in our listening efforts. To become a more purposeful listener, we first commit to listening, assuring that we indeed did hear the words that the person expressed. We then ask questions and put into our own words to clarify that we understand what the other person is saying. The light bulb pretty quickly goes on when we find that we have truly heard and truly do understand another. This kind of listening helps reveal deeper feelings and needs.

Commitment Within a Relationship Mindset

For many people, the biggest reward from commitment to the relationship process is that it leads to closer, warmer, and deepened relationships with others.

When you take a pro-active approach to developing relationship with others, others are eager to enter into business and social relationships with you. Now it doesn’t mean that everybody will choose to interact with you. A relationship mindset simply increases the possibility that someone will want to interact with you!

Commitment is the foundation of this strategy. A relationship mindset begins with commitment and ends with commitment. Not only will you build strong relationships in your professional life with this commitment, but within your personal life as well. This strategy and the commitment that you develop, supports the passion behind the relationship process.

The difference between a successful relationship mindset and an unsuccessful relationship mindset is attitude.

Making the Choice

The process of choosing and deepening relationships is interrelated. At each point in your relationship, you and those to whom you relate may choose either to develop or not to develop your relationships further. How do we make that choice? Of course, there are many ways. One person described her experience as jumping belly first into the water. Jane describes her process. It’s like going into a swimming pool and testing the water first. I gingerly test the water with toes, feet, and then slowly edge into the water. I temper my approach into the water with caution depending on whether it is a warm day in June versus a hot day in July. If the sun is shining or if it is overcast, I approach the water accordingly.
The same is true in relationship. We are continuously feeling our way along in the meeting with another. We test the temperature, gauging the mutuality and connection, and then step back to assess how it feels, and whether the other person or persons have a reciprocal response. A multitude of factors in our environment are considered in going forward. Sometimes, no holds barred, we jump right in!
I will offer the following five R’s to throw into the mix of discussion around this very critical topic: Rewardingness, Reciprocity, Rules, Resourcefulness, and Relationshift. Below is the first of the 5 R's.

Rewardingness

Webster defines rewarding as a sense of reward or worthwhile return. We are building on this definition by defining rewardingness as an ongoing exchange and flow based on mutual benefit for all. This exchange may be in providing services or products, or sharing learning, contacts, or resources.

There exists a fundamental psychological principle that people are more likely to repeat behaviors that have rewarding consequences for them than those that do not. Relationships are likely to deepen if partners can increase the range and depth of the mutual rewards they receive from one another, and if they are able to sustain a high level of mutual trust and benefits.

The relationship provides joyful experiences. This is the reward itself!
Phil Black, a student, writer, and teacher of Gestalt Psychotherapy poses the rhetorical question “…when all goals are close to equal, what determines who we remain in relationship with whether it is business or pleasure? It is the relationship itself that determines this decision—the ease and the pleasure derived. In the end, there must be joy: a laugh, a smile, or we will not find satisfaction, and we will not stay with or return to.”

Capturing his remark and adding, yes, it is the reward of the relationship that keeps us involved.

The desire for success

While the basic desire for success is naturally a part of all of us, what we view as important varies. A broad spectrum exists from improved health and fitness, greater personal development, achievement, travel, fulfilling relationships, a deeper spiritual life, a more harmonious family life, a more exciting social life, more financial freedom, education, personal growth, or more free time.

The desire for success hasn’t changed over time; what’s changed is our perception of the way we get there. We always achieved success through relationship—now we understand that to better help and receive help, we must fundamentally experience this in all aspects of our lives. Therefore, the intention to form solid relationships must be at the forefront of all our interactions.


Many of us know this at a surface level. Bringing this principle to a heightened awareness propels us toward reaching out, tuning into the possibilities, the support, the creativity in relationship all around us.


The driving force of my work is that relationships are primary to everyone’s experience. We are constantly in relationship with our self, with others, and with a greater environment, world, and source. A continuous process of cultivating, attuning and attending to these relationships over a lifetime is part of the human experience we share with one another. Our observation skills, our diagnostic skills, and our remembering what is most important increases the quality of interaction in relationships, and, we would add, increases the quality of life.