from the desk of Ron Sukenick
One way to go beyond networking is to take business encounters from mere question-answer fact-finding to the kind of open flow of ideas and information that leads to Connection. And, even though, in my last couple of Beyond Networking blog posts, I've been emphasizing listening with purpose, I need to emphasize that building business relationships is about how you answer questions as much as about how you ask them.
There's one question that you will certainly be asked many times. You may be meeting your girlfriend's parents, or your boyfriend's boss. You may be at a formal networking event, a family or high school reunion, or just at a party. Sure as my name's Ron Sukenick, someone's going to ask you the Five-Worder: "So, What Do You Do?"
(Even if you've spent the past thirty years with a company you love, doing work you adore - aren't you sometimes tempted to shut off conversation by answering something like this: "Oh, a lot of nothing. I'm independently wealthy. I just attend networking functions for laughs!")
The Five-Worder, on the surface of it, is what I call a closed end question, meaning a fact question and facts are what are expected by way of an answer. "I sell software for Dell." "I'm the marketing coordinator for a small business." "I'm a realtor." Once you've provided your factual response to the Five-Worder, the only place the questioner has to go is to ask for more facts! "For Whom? "How long have you been doing that?" Pretty soon, all you've got is an interrogation, not a conversation!
That's why one of the things I teach is to offer an open-ended answer, one designed to make the other person want to say, "Tell me more!" "I help harness technology so it works for you, not you for it!" "I match business stories with business customers." "I move American people from one American Dream to another." Your answer doesn't need to be "cute-sy" - it does need to convey your passion about the work you do, and - it needs to move the conversation further, not stop it dead in its tracks!
Remember, to go Beyond Networking, we need to go beyond question-answer sessions to true conversations.
Friday, November 28, 2008
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
Open-Ended Questions Go Beyond The Facts
from the desk of Ron Sukenick
Have you ever spent at least part of your Thanksgiving holiday sharing a feast at someone's home? Have you noticed how the layout of the house affects the way guests relate to each other? I love to watch people, anyway, and I find it so interesting to notice how the architecture and the furniture actually influence the interactions.
Here's what I mean: If there's an open archway or a wide hallway leading into the kitchen, people will congregate around the "island" in that room, moving freely in and out of the kitchen as they carry on their conversations. Then, if there are big spaces opening up into a sunroom or even a bedroom or sitting room, small groups will move into those rooms and continue talking. In other words, the more open the rooms are, and the easier it is for people to move freely in and out of them, the more likely people will be to chat with a lot of different groups and individuals. Then, I noticed, the more filled with furniture a room is, the more likely people will find a spot and just stay there the entire time, talking with the same group of folks.
No, I'm not a realtor, but I am a student of human behavior. I see a parallel between these house "traffic patterns" and relationships, whether they're business or personal ones. Open-ended questions keep a conversation flowing freely. With closed-end (fact-only) questions, once the question's been answered, conversation seems to stop. Remember me talking about the three magic words "Tell Me More"? Those three words are an open invitation to keep talking. Fact questions are closed. Think about the difference between "Where do you work?" and "What do you like best about your work?", or between the question "Will you be attending the networking meeting tomorrow?" and "How do you find this networking group compared with others you've belonged to?".
One "closed" question, "What do you do?" can actually be turned into an open-ended question. Next time I plan to offer some tips on innovative ways to answer that one. For now, though, just remember, Beyond Networking conversations, the ones that use open-ended questions and open-ended answers, the ones that lead to Connection and then to Relationship - those aren't about facts, not really at all. Those conversations are about people.
Have you ever spent at least part of your Thanksgiving holiday sharing a feast at someone's home? Have you noticed how the layout of the house affects the way guests relate to each other? I love to watch people, anyway, and I find it so interesting to notice how the architecture and the furniture actually influence the interactions.
Here's what I mean: If there's an open archway or a wide hallway leading into the kitchen, people will congregate around the "island" in that room, moving freely in and out of the kitchen as they carry on their conversations. Then, if there are big spaces opening up into a sunroom or even a bedroom or sitting room, small groups will move into those rooms and continue talking. In other words, the more open the rooms are, and the easier it is for people to move freely in and out of them, the more likely people will be to chat with a lot of different groups and individuals. Then, I noticed, the more filled with furniture a room is, the more likely people will find a spot and just stay there the entire time, talking with the same group of folks.
No, I'm not a realtor, but I am a student of human behavior. I see a parallel between these house "traffic patterns" and relationships, whether they're business or personal ones. Open-ended questions keep a conversation flowing freely. With closed-end (fact-only) questions, once the question's been answered, conversation seems to stop. Remember me talking about the three magic words "Tell Me More"? Those three words are an open invitation to keep talking. Fact questions are closed. Think about the difference between "Where do you work?" and "What do you like best about your work?", or between the question "Will you be attending the networking meeting tomorrow?" and "How do you find this networking group compared with others you've belonged to?".
One "closed" question, "What do you do?" can actually be turned into an open-ended question. Next time I plan to offer some tips on innovative ways to answer that one. For now, though, just remember, Beyond Networking conversations, the ones that use open-ended questions and open-ended answers, the ones that lead to Connection and then to Relationship - those aren't about facts, not really at all. Those conversations are about people.
Monday, November 24, 2008
The Three Magic Words of Beyond Networking
from the desk of Ron Sukenick
Once we understand that business referrals are much, much better than business leads, we're ready to begin each encounter in a way most likely to bring us those results.
An anecdote that sales trainers love to tell concerns hockey great Wayne Gretzky. (In fact, even if you're no hockey buff, you've probably heard the story.) Asked what the key to his success was, Gretzky explained he always skated "to where the puck was going to be" (meaning not where the puck just had been or where it was right then!).
Now, when speakers and trainers relate the story, the point they usually stress is that Gretzky had no real way of anticipating where the puck would go. He was simply willing to take a chance where others weren't. His guess turned out right just often enough to win games over opponents who were bigger and taller than he was.
As a business coach these many years, I have a little bit of a different "take" on the Wayne Gretzky tale:
When we're meeting another person, too often we rush through the encounter, focused on finding out if there's mutual benefit to be had, so that what results is an exchange of information and leads. All too often, we forget the lesson about listening three times as much as we talk. We forget to listen with purpose, so we miss a lot of important information. If we were to remember to take that important pause, we'd have time to say the three magic words "Tell me more!". Those words can result in understanding other people and having a much more productive relationship with them.
You see, I don't think Wayne Gretzky just got lucky "guessing" where the puck would go. What I think is that Gretzky was far more observant than other players. Because he was open and alert when watching others play, he noticed what their typical reactions were. He wasn't guessing, he knew. His observations of what each player was likely to do in any given situation taught him where the puck was likely to go next. Gretzky simply had more information at his command because he paid more attention to what others did in different game situations.
When you listen purposefully, it's not to make the other person feel good so that he or she will help you get what you want. It's because, whatever your business "game" is, you sincerely want to understand the other person, and you want that person to understand you. Even if you have some "handicap" relative to other players in your field (Wayne Gretzky was smaller and thinner than most of his teammates and opponents, but for you it might be that you have less financial backing for your business than some of your competitors, that you got a late start in your career, that you aren't a commanding speaker, whatever…), you'll be miles - or goals - ahead of others by listening purposefully and using the three magic words "Tell Me More!"
Once we understand that business referrals are much, much better than business leads, we're ready to begin each encounter in a way most likely to bring us those results.
An anecdote that sales trainers love to tell concerns hockey great Wayne Gretzky. (In fact, even if you're no hockey buff, you've probably heard the story.) Asked what the key to his success was, Gretzky explained he always skated "to where the puck was going to be" (meaning not where the puck just had been or where it was right then!).
Now, when speakers and trainers relate the story, the point they usually stress is that Gretzky had no real way of anticipating where the puck would go. He was simply willing to take a chance where others weren't. His guess turned out right just often enough to win games over opponents who were bigger and taller than he was.
As a business coach these many years, I have a little bit of a different "take" on the Wayne Gretzky tale:
When we're meeting another person, too often we rush through the encounter, focused on finding out if there's mutual benefit to be had, so that what results is an exchange of information and leads. All too often, we forget the lesson about listening three times as much as we talk. We forget to listen with purpose, so we miss a lot of important information. If we were to remember to take that important pause, we'd have time to say the three magic words "Tell me more!". Those words can result in understanding other people and having a much more productive relationship with them.
You see, I don't think Wayne Gretzky just got lucky "guessing" where the puck would go. What I think is that Gretzky was far more observant than other players. Because he was open and alert when watching others play, he noticed what their typical reactions were. He wasn't guessing, he knew. His observations of what each player was likely to do in any given situation taught him where the puck was likely to go next. Gretzky simply had more information at his command because he paid more attention to what others did in different game situations.
When you listen purposefully, it's not to make the other person feel good so that he or she will help you get what you want. It's because, whatever your business "game" is, you sincerely want to understand the other person, and you want that person to understand you. Even if you have some "handicap" relative to other players in your field (Wayne Gretzky was smaller and thinner than most of his teammates and opponents, but for you it might be that you have less financial backing for your business than some of your competitors, that you got a late start in your career, that you aren't a commanding speaker, whatever…), you'll be miles - or goals - ahead of others by listening purposefully and using the three magic words "Tell Me More!"
Friday, November 21, 2008
You're Right, Too!
from the desk of Ron Sukenick
There's an old Jewish folk tale about two men, Jacob and Joseph, who were having a dispute. Each was absolutely sure he was right! They asked their Rabbi to settle the argument once and for all. Jacob went first, telling his side of the story with great vehemence. The Rabbi stroked his beard and, saying a number of "Hmm"s, finally concluded, "You know, Jacob, "I think you're right." Then Joseph had his turn, angrily correcting Jacob's version of the story. "Well," concluded the Rabbi, "Joseph, it appears you're right, too!"
By this time a small crowd had gathered. One of the bystanders, unable to contain himself, cried out, "But, Rabbi! They can't both be right!" A brief silence, punctuated by more "Hmm's" ensued. Finally, the Rabbi said to the bystander, "You know, you're right, too!"
In an earlier Beyond Networking blog (see Which Comes First: Let's Do It, Or Let's Think It Through?) I explained that the Model of Human Behavior I use in my work as a Certified Human Behavior Consultant™ reveals there are four main personality styles. What's more, just like the men consulting their Rabbi, all four of these styles are "right". How can this be?
Each of us has a style of relating to events and to other people. That's why I always tell my coaching clients that they can't change other people. What they can do, though, is adapt the way they relate to those other people and learn to better meet the needs of others.
Being able to make this kind of adaptation is the key to going from leads to referrals, from networking to NetBeing. Ultimately, it can mean going from "so-so" to success!
There's an old Jewish folk tale about two men, Jacob and Joseph, who were having a dispute. Each was absolutely sure he was right! They asked their Rabbi to settle the argument once and for all. Jacob went first, telling his side of the story with great vehemence. The Rabbi stroked his beard and, saying a number of "Hmm"s, finally concluded, "You know, Jacob, "I think you're right." Then Joseph had his turn, angrily correcting Jacob's version of the story. "Well," concluded the Rabbi, "Joseph, it appears you're right, too!"
By this time a small crowd had gathered. One of the bystanders, unable to contain himself, cried out, "But, Rabbi! They can't both be right!" A brief silence, punctuated by more "Hmm's" ensued. Finally, the Rabbi said to the bystander, "You know, you're right, too!"
In an earlier Beyond Networking blog (see Which Comes First: Let's Do It, Or Let's Think It Through?) I explained that the Model of Human Behavior I use in my work as a Certified Human Behavior Consultant™ reveals there are four main personality styles. What's more, just like the men consulting their Rabbi, all four of these styles are "right". How can this be?
Each of us has a style of relating to events and to other people. That's why I always tell my coaching clients that they can't change other people. What they can do, though, is adapt the way they relate to those other people and learn to better meet the needs of others.
Being able to make this kind of adaptation is the key to going from leads to referrals, from networking to NetBeing. Ultimately, it can mean going from "so-so" to success!
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
Which Comes First: Let's Do It, Or Let's Think It Through?
from the desk of Ron Sukenick
I've been a personal and business coach for almost three decades, teaching and preaching the power of networking all of that time. But it was the Ultimate Discovery System that helped me uncover secrets that pulled together everything I'd observed from all those years watching and working with people. If you think about it, anything that helps you discover more about your own personality style and about the personality styles of other people, is likely to help you talk to them in a productive and satisfying way. (You know how, when you visit an optometrist and you're looking into the machine that tests different lenses? Suddenly, when the right lens appears - Wow! Everything that's been blurry is now, in one instant, made clear. That's how it felt for me to be given a key to understanding other people's behavior and, even more important, my own.)
To give you an idea of how learning about the Four Main Personality Types can take all your relationships to the next level, imagine there's an important and exciting project going on. There are four people discussing the project and how it should be approached.
The D type is saying "Get it done!" and "Let's Make It Happen!"
The I type is saying "This is so exciting! Think about all the recognition we'll get!"
The S type is neutral, wanting to avoid conflict, ready to support the others, and hoping all the team members will get along with each other.
The C type is saying "What's our plan? Let's be sure to do this right and not rush into things."
Do you recognize yourself in any of these "thumbnail" descriptions of the team members? Can you see how valuable it would be, if you were the one trying to sell everyone else on moving forward with this project, for you to be sensitive to each person's way of approaching the idea? All of us do our very best work when we are made to feel comfortable and valued. Learning this new "language" of the personality types can help develop the relationships that make things happen for everybody.
Which comes first? They all can! Once you move beyond networking to really connecting and creating relationships, why you can do it AND think it through!
I've been a personal and business coach for almost three decades, teaching and preaching the power of networking all of that time. But it was the Ultimate Discovery System that helped me uncover secrets that pulled together everything I'd observed from all those years watching and working with people. If you think about it, anything that helps you discover more about your own personality style and about the personality styles of other people, is likely to help you talk to them in a productive and satisfying way. (You know how, when you visit an optometrist and you're looking into the machine that tests different lenses? Suddenly, when the right lens appears - Wow! Everything that's been blurry is now, in one instant, made clear. That's how it felt for me to be given a key to understanding other people's behavior and, even more important, my own.)
To give you an idea of how learning about the Four Main Personality Types can take all your relationships to the next level, imagine there's an important and exciting project going on. There are four people discussing the project and how it should be approached.
The D type is saying "Get it done!" and "Let's Make It Happen!"
The I type is saying "This is so exciting! Think about all the recognition we'll get!"
The S type is neutral, wanting to avoid conflict, ready to support the others, and hoping all the team members will get along with each other.
The C type is saying "What's our plan? Let's be sure to do this right and not rush into things."
Do you recognize yourself in any of these "thumbnail" descriptions of the team members? Can you see how valuable it would be, if you were the one trying to sell everyone else on moving forward with this project, for you to be sensitive to each person's way of approaching the idea? All of us do our very best work when we are made to feel comfortable and valued. Learning this new "language" of the personality types can help develop the relationships that make things happen for everybody.
Which comes first? They all can! Once you move beyond networking to really connecting and creating relationships, why you can do it AND think it through!
Monday, November 17, 2008
What Could Be Better Than Leads?
from the desk of Ron Sukenick
You're on your way home from a networking event, and, well, you're rather pleased with yourself. Not only were you able to collect several dozen business cards while handing out a similar number of your own, but two individuals you met actually gave you "leads". Now you have in your proud possession the names and contact information for companies your networking friends think might be able to use your products and services. What could possibly be better than that?
And the answer is…(TV quiz show drum roll here) Referrals!
Let's backtrack a moment. In this Beyond Networking blog, remember, the goal is to reach further - and deeper - beyond traditional networking, getting to the point where networking really starts to work for us. The fact is, study after study demonstrates that your best clients meet you through an introduction from someone they already trust. In other words, the way to meet really good clients is through referrals.
Every sales training course (I've taken many and led many!) talks about referrals, and about how lack of commitment to getting referrals can limit a business person's success. Bill Cates, author of Get More Referrals, has something truly worthwhile to say about the big R's, something very much in tune with my Beyond Networking principles. A common error, Cates says, is making referrals be about you, where you, in the old sales-school style, explain to clients that your business is built on referrals. What the clients hear is that, in order for you to keep providing them with good client service, they need to help you grow your business by supplying names of their friends and associates.
"Clients give referrals only when they see the value in the work you do," Cates explains, suggesting that if a business is not getting referrals without asking, it's a signal something's wrong.
In coaching hundreds of people over the years, I've arrived at a very simple conclusion about all of this: R's (referrals) depend on R (relationship). As we continue to create deeper relationships with our clients, coworkers, and network contacts, referrals will follow. My book, The Power Is In The Connection, is all about relationships.
What's better - much, much better - than a lead? A relationship, and its inevitable result - a referral!
You're on your way home from a networking event, and, well, you're rather pleased with yourself. Not only were you able to collect several dozen business cards while handing out a similar number of your own, but two individuals you met actually gave you "leads". Now you have in your proud possession the names and contact information for companies your networking friends think might be able to use your products and services. What could possibly be better than that?
And the answer is…(TV quiz show drum roll here) Referrals!
Let's backtrack a moment. In this Beyond Networking blog, remember, the goal is to reach further - and deeper - beyond traditional networking, getting to the point where networking really starts to work for us. The fact is, study after study demonstrates that your best clients meet you through an introduction from someone they already trust. In other words, the way to meet really good clients is through referrals.
Every sales training course (I've taken many and led many!) talks about referrals, and about how lack of commitment to getting referrals can limit a business person's success. Bill Cates, author of Get More Referrals, has something truly worthwhile to say about the big R's, something very much in tune with my Beyond Networking principles. A common error, Cates says, is making referrals be about you, where you, in the old sales-school style, explain to clients that your business is built on referrals. What the clients hear is that, in order for you to keep providing them with good client service, they need to help you grow your business by supplying names of their friends and associates.
"Clients give referrals only when they see the value in the work you do," Cates explains, suggesting that if a business is not getting referrals without asking, it's a signal something's wrong.
In coaching hundreds of people over the years, I've arrived at a very simple conclusion about all of this: R's (referrals) depend on R (relationship). As we continue to create deeper relationships with our clients, coworkers, and network contacts, referrals will follow. My book, The Power Is In The Connection, is all about relationships.
What's better - much, much better - than a lead? A relationship, and its inevitable result - a referral!
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