from the desk of Ron Sukenick
One way to go beyond networking is to take business encounters from mere question-answer fact-finding to the kind of open flow of ideas and information that leads to Connection. And, even though, in my last couple of Beyond Networking blog posts, I've been emphasizing listening with purpose, I need to emphasize that building business relationships is about how you answer questions as much as about how you ask them.
There's one question that you will certainly be asked many times. You may be meeting your girlfriend's parents, or your boyfriend's boss. You may be at a formal networking event, a family or high school reunion, or just at a party. Sure as my name's Ron Sukenick, someone's going to ask you the Five-Worder: "So, What Do You Do?"
(Even if you've spent the past thirty years with a company you love, doing work you adore - aren't you sometimes tempted to shut off conversation by answering something like this: "Oh, a lot of nothing. I'm independently wealthy. I just attend networking functions for laughs!")
The Five-Worder, on the surface of it, is what I call a closed end question, meaning a fact question and facts are what are expected by way of an answer. "I sell software for Dell." "I'm the marketing coordinator for a small business." "I'm a realtor." Once you've provided your factual response to the Five-Worder, the only place the questioner has to go is to ask for more facts! "For Whom? "How long have you been doing that?" Pretty soon, all you've got is an interrogation, not a conversation!
That's why one of the things I teach is to offer an open-ended answer, one designed to make the other person want to say, "Tell me more!" "I help harness technology so it works for you, not you for it!" "I match business stories with business customers." "I move American people from one American Dream to another." Your answer doesn't need to be "cute-sy" - it does need to convey your passion about the work you do, and - it needs to move the conversation further, not stop it dead in its tracks!
Remember, to go Beyond Networking, we need to go beyond question-answer sessions to true conversations.
Friday, November 28, 2008
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
Open-Ended Questions Go Beyond The Facts
from the desk of Ron Sukenick
Have you ever spent at least part of your Thanksgiving holiday sharing a feast at someone's home? Have you noticed how the layout of the house affects the way guests relate to each other? I love to watch people, anyway, and I find it so interesting to notice how the architecture and the furniture actually influence the interactions.
Here's what I mean: If there's an open archway or a wide hallway leading into the kitchen, people will congregate around the "island" in that room, moving freely in and out of the kitchen as they carry on their conversations. Then, if there are big spaces opening up into a sunroom or even a bedroom or sitting room, small groups will move into those rooms and continue talking. In other words, the more open the rooms are, and the easier it is for people to move freely in and out of them, the more likely people will be to chat with a lot of different groups and individuals. Then, I noticed, the more filled with furniture a room is, the more likely people will find a spot and just stay there the entire time, talking with the same group of folks.
No, I'm not a realtor, but I am a student of human behavior. I see a parallel between these house "traffic patterns" and relationships, whether they're business or personal ones. Open-ended questions keep a conversation flowing freely. With closed-end (fact-only) questions, once the question's been answered, conversation seems to stop. Remember me talking about the three magic words "Tell Me More"? Those three words are an open invitation to keep talking. Fact questions are closed. Think about the difference between "Where do you work?" and "What do you like best about your work?", or between the question "Will you be attending the networking meeting tomorrow?" and "How do you find this networking group compared with others you've belonged to?".
One "closed" question, "What do you do?" can actually be turned into an open-ended question. Next time I plan to offer some tips on innovative ways to answer that one. For now, though, just remember, Beyond Networking conversations, the ones that use open-ended questions and open-ended answers, the ones that lead to Connection and then to Relationship - those aren't about facts, not really at all. Those conversations are about people.
Have you ever spent at least part of your Thanksgiving holiday sharing a feast at someone's home? Have you noticed how the layout of the house affects the way guests relate to each other? I love to watch people, anyway, and I find it so interesting to notice how the architecture and the furniture actually influence the interactions.
Here's what I mean: If there's an open archway or a wide hallway leading into the kitchen, people will congregate around the "island" in that room, moving freely in and out of the kitchen as they carry on their conversations. Then, if there are big spaces opening up into a sunroom or even a bedroom or sitting room, small groups will move into those rooms and continue talking. In other words, the more open the rooms are, and the easier it is for people to move freely in and out of them, the more likely people will be to chat with a lot of different groups and individuals. Then, I noticed, the more filled with furniture a room is, the more likely people will find a spot and just stay there the entire time, talking with the same group of folks.
No, I'm not a realtor, but I am a student of human behavior. I see a parallel between these house "traffic patterns" and relationships, whether they're business or personal ones. Open-ended questions keep a conversation flowing freely. With closed-end (fact-only) questions, once the question's been answered, conversation seems to stop. Remember me talking about the three magic words "Tell Me More"? Those three words are an open invitation to keep talking. Fact questions are closed. Think about the difference between "Where do you work?" and "What do you like best about your work?", or between the question "Will you be attending the networking meeting tomorrow?" and "How do you find this networking group compared with others you've belonged to?".
One "closed" question, "What do you do?" can actually be turned into an open-ended question. Next time I plan to offer some tips on innovative ways to answer that one. For now, though, just remember, Beyond Networking conversations, the ones that use open-ended questions and open-ended answers, the ones that lead to Connection and then to Relationship - those aren't about facts, not really at all. Those conversations are about people.
Monday, November 24, 2008
The Three Magic Words of Beyond Networking
from the desk of Ron Sukenick
Once we understand that business referrals are much, much better than business leads, we're ready to begin each encounter in a way most likely to bring us those results.
An anecdote that sales trainers love to tell concerns hockey great Wayne Gretzky. (In fact, even if you're no hockey buff, you've probably heard the story.) Asked what the key to his success was, Gretzky explained he always skated "to where the puck was going to be" (meaning not where the puck just had been or where it was right then!).
Now, when speakers and trainers relate the story, the point they usually stress is that Gretzky had no real way of anticipating where the puck would go. He was simply willing to take a chance where others weren't. His guess turned out right just often enough to win games over opponents who were bigger and taller than he was.
As a business coach these many years, I have a little bit of a different "take" on the Wayne Gretzky tale:
When we're meeting another person, too often we rush through the encounter, focused on finding out if there's mutual benefit to be had, so that what results is an exchange of information and leads. All too often, we forget the lesson about listening three times as much as we talk. We forget to listen with purpose, so we miss a lot of important information. If we were to remember to take that important pause, we'd have time to say the three magic words "Tell me more!". Those words can result in understanding other people and having a much more productive relationship with them.
You see, I don't think Wayne Gretzky just got lucky "guessing" where the puck would go. What I think is that Gretzky was far more observant than other players. Because he was open and alert when watching others play, he noticed what their typical reactions were. He wasn't guessing, he knew. His observations of what each player was likely to do in any given situation taught him where the puck was likely to go next. Gretzky simply had more information at his command because he paid more attention to what others did in different game situations.
When you listen purposefully, it's not to make the other person feel good so that he or she will help you get what you want. It's because, whatever your business "game" is, you sincerely want to understand the other person, and you want that person to understand you. Even if you have some "handicap" relative to other players in your field (Wayne Gretzky was smaller and thinner than most of his teammates and opponents, but for you it might be that you have less financial backing for your business than some of your competitors, that you got a late start in your career, that you aren't a commanding speaker, whatever…), you'll be miles - or goals - ahead of others by listening purposefully and using the three magic words "Tell Me More!"
Once we understand that business referrals are much, much better than business leads, we're ready to begin each encounter in a way most likely to bring us those results.
An anecdote that sales trainers love to tell concerns hockey great Wayne Gretzky. (In fact, even if you're no hockey buff, you've probably heard the story.) Asked what the key to his success was, Gretzky explained he always skated "to where the puck was going to be" (meaning not where the puck just had been or where it was right then!).
Now, when speakers and trainers relate the story, the point they usually stress is that Gretzky had no real way of anticipating where the puck would go. He was simply willing to take a chance where others weren't. His guess turned out right just often enough to win games over opponents who were bigger and taller than he was.
As a business coach these many years, I have a little bit of a different "take" on the Wayne Gretzky tale:
When we're meeting another person, too often we rush through the encounter, focused on finding out if there's mutual benefit to be had, so that what results is an exchange of information and leads. All too often, we forget the lesson about listening three times as much as we talk. We forget to listen with purpose, so we miss a lot of important information. If we were to remember to take that important pause, we'd have time to say the three magic words "Tell me more!". Those words can result in understanding other people and having a much more productive relationship with them.
You see, I don't think Wayne Gretzky just got lucky "guessing" where the puck would go. What I think is that Gretzky was far more observant than other players. Because he was open and alert when watching others play, he noticed what their typical reactions were. He wasn't guessing, he knew. His observations of what each player was likely to do in any given situation taught him where the puck was likely to go next. Gretzky simply had more information at his command because he paid more attention to what others did in different game situations.
When you listen purposefully, it's not to make the other person feel good so that he or she will help you get what you want. It's because, whatever your business "game" is, you sincerely want to understand the other person, and you want that person to understand you. Even if you have some "handicap" relative to other players in your field (Wayne Gretzky was smaller and thinner than most of his teammates and opponents, but for you it might be that you have less financial backing for your business than some of your competitors, that you got a late start in your career, that you aren't a commanding speaker, whatever…), you'll be miles - or goals - ahead of others by listening purposefully and using the three magic words "Tell Me More!"
Friday, November 21, 2008
You're Right, Too!
from the desk of Ron Sukenick
There's an old Jewish folk tale about two men, Jacob and Joseph, who were having a dispute. Each was absolutely sure he was right! They asked their Rabbi to settle the argument once and for all. Jacob went first, telling his side of the story with great vehemence. The Rabbi stroked his beard and, saying a number of "Hmm"s, finally concluded, "You know, Jacob, "I think you're right." Then Joseph had his turn, angrily correcting Jacob's version of the story. "Well," concluded the Rabbi, "Joseph, it appears you're right, too!"
By this time a small crowd had gathered. One of the bystanders, unable to contain himself, cried out, "But, Rabbi! They can't both be right!" A brief silence, punctuated by more "Hmm's" ensued. Finally, the Rabbi said to the bystander, "You know, you're right, too!"
In an earlier Beyond Networking blog (see Which Comes First: Let's Do It, Or Let's Think It Through?) I explained that the Model of Human Behavior I use in my work as a Certified Human Behavior Consultant™ reveals there are four main personality styles. What's more, just like the men consulting their Rabbi, all four of these styles are "right". How can this be?
Each of us has a style of relating to events and to other people. That's why I always tell my coaching clients that they can't change other people. What they can do, though, is adapt the way they relate to those other people and learn to better meet the needs of others.
Being able to make this kind of adaptation is the key to going from leads to referrals, from networking to NetBeing. Ultimately, it can mean going from "so-so" to success!
There's an old Jewish folk tale about two men, Jacob and Joseph, who were having a dispute. Each was absolutely sure he was right! They asked their Rabbi to settle the argument once and for all. Jacob went first, telling his side of the story with great vehemence. The Rabbi stroked his beard and, saying a number of "Hmm"s, finally concluded, "You know, Jacob, "I think you're right." Then Joseph had his turn, angrily correcting Jacob's version of the story. "Well," concluded the Rabbi, "Joseph, it appears you're right, too!"
By this time a small crowd had gathered. One of the bystanders, unable to contain himself, cried out, "But, Rabbi! They can't both be right!" A brief silence, punctuated by more "Hmm's" ensued. Finally, the Rabbi said to the bystander, "You know, you're right, too!"
In an earlier Beyond Networking blog (see Which Comes First: Let's Do It, Or Let's Think It Through?) I explained that the Model of Human Behavior I use in my work as a Certified Human Behavior Consultant™ reveals there are four main personality styles. What's more, just like the men consulting their Rabbi, all four of these styles are "right". How can this be?
Each of us has a style of relating to events and to other people. That's why I always tell my coaching clients that they can't change other people. What they can do, though, is adapt the way they relate to those other people and learn to better meet the needs of others.
Being able to make this kind of adaptation is the key to going from leads to referrals, from networking to NetBeing. Ultimately, it can mean going from "so-so" to success!
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
Which Comes First: Let's Do It, Or Let's Think It Through?
from the desk of Ron Sukenick
I've been a personal and business coach for almost three decades, teaching and preaching the power of networking all of that time. But it was the Ultimate Discovery System that helped me uncover secrets that pulled together everything I'd observed from all those years watching and working with people. If you think about it, anything that helps you discover more about your own personality style and about the personality styles of other people, is likely to help you talk to them in a productive and satisfying way. (You know how, when you visit an optometrist and you're looking into the machine that tests different lenses? Suddenly, when the right lens appears - Wow! Everything that's been blurry is now, in one instant, made clear. That's how it felt for me to be given a key to understanding other people's behavior and, even more important, my own.)
To give you an idea of how learning about the Four Main Personality Types can take all your relationships to the next level, imagine there's an important and exciting project going on. There are four people discussing the project and how it should be approached.
The D type is saying "Get it done!" and "Let's Make It Happen!"
The I type is saying "This is so exciting! Think about all the recognition we'll get!"
The S type is neutral, wanting to avoid conflict, ready to support the others, and hoping all the team members will get along with each other.
The C type is saying "What's our plan? Let's be sure to do this right and not rush into things."
Do you recognize yourself in any of these "thumbnail" descriptions of the team members? Can you see how valuable it would be, if you were the one trying to sell everyone else on moving forward with this project, for you to be sensitive to each person's way of approaching the idea? All of us do our very best work when we are made to feel comfortable and valued. Learning this new "language" of the personality types can help develop the relationships that make things happen for everybody.
Which comes first? They all can! Once you move beyond networking to really connecting and creating relationships, why you can do it AND think it through!
I've been a personal and business coach for almost three decades, teaching and preaching the power of networking all of that time. But it was the Ultimate Discovery System that helped me uncover secrets that pulled together everything I'd observed from all those years watching and working with people. If you think about it, anything that helps you discover more about your own personality style and about the personality styles of other people, is likely to help you talk to them in a productive and satisfying way. (You know how, when you visit an optometrist and you're looking into the machine that tests different lenses? Suddenly, when the right lens appears - Wow! Everything that's been blurry is now, in one instant, made clear. That's how it felt for me to be given a key to understanding other people's behavior and, even more important, my own.)
To give you an idea of how learning about the Four Main Personality Types can take all your relationships to the next level, imagine there's an important and exciting project going on. There are four people discussing the project and how it should be approached.
The D type is saying "Get it done!" and "Let's Make It Happen!"
The I type is saying "This is so exciting! Think about all the recognition we'll get!"
The S type is neutral, wanting to avoid conflict, ready to support the others, and hoping all the team members will get along with each other.
The C type is saying "What's our plan? Let's be sure to do this right and not rush into things."
Do you recognize yourself in any of these "thumbnail" descriptions of the team members? Can you see how valuable it would be, if you were the one trying to sell everyone else on moving forward with this project, for you to be sensitive to each person's way of approaching the idea? All of us do our very best work when we are made to feel comfortable and valued. Learning this new "language" of the personality types can help develop the relationships that make things happen for everybody.
Which comes first? They all can! Once you move beyond networking to really connecting and creating relationships, why you can do it AND think it through!
Monday, November 17, 2008
What Could Be Better Than Leads?
from the desk of Ron Sukenick
You're on your way home from a networking event, and, well, you're rather pleased with yourself. Not only were you able to collect several dozen business cards while handing out a similar number of your own, but two individuals you met actually gave you "leads". Now you have in your proud possession the names and contact information for companies your networking friends think might be able to use your products and services. What could possibly be better than that?
And the answer is…(TV quiz show drum roll here) Referrals!
Let's backtrack a moment. In this Beyond Networking blog, remember, the goal is to reach further - and deeper - beyond traditional networking, getting to the point where networking really starts to work for us. The fact is, study after study demonstrates that your best clients meet you through an introduction from someone they already trust. In other words, the way to meet really good clients is through referrals.
Every sales training course (I've taken many and led many!) talks about referrals, and about how lack of commitment to getting referrals can limit a business person's success. Bill Cates, author of Get More Referrals, has something truly worthwhile to say about the big R's, something very much in tune with my Beyond Networking principles. A common error, Cates says, is making referrals be about you, where you, in the old sales-school style, explain to clients that your business is built on referrals. What the clients hear is that, in order for you to keep providing them with good client service, they need to help you grow your business by supplying names of their friends and associates.
"Clients give referrals only when they see the value in the work you do," Cates explains, suggesting that if a business is not getting referrals without asking, it's a signal something's wrong.
In coaching hundreds of people over the years, I've arrived at a very simple conclusion about all of this: R's (referrals) depend on R (relationship). As we continue to create deeper relationships with our clients, coworkers, and network contacts, referrals will follow. My book, The Power Is In The Connection, is all about relationships.
What's better - much, much better - than a lead? A relationship, and its inevitable result - a referral!
You're on your way home from a networking event, and, well, you're rather pleased with yourself. Not only were you able to collect several dozen business cards while handing out a similar number of your own, but two individuals you met actually gave you "leads". Now you have in your proud possession the names and contact information for companies your networking friends think might be able to use your products and services. What could possibly be better than that?
And the answer is…(TV quiz show drum roll here) Referrals!
Let's backtrack a moment. In this Beyond Networking blog, remember, the goal is to reach further - and deeper - beyond traditional networking, getting to the point where networking really starts to work for us. The fact is, study after study demonstrates that your best clients meet you through an introduction from someone they already trust. In other words, the way to meet really good clients is through referrals.
Every sales training course (I've taken many and led many!) talks about referrals, and about how lack of commitment to getting referrals can limit a business person's success. Bill Cates, author of Get More Referrals, has something truly worthwhile to say about the big R's, something very much in tune with my Beyond Networking principles. A common error, Cates says, is making referrals be about you, where you, in the old sales-school style, explain to clients that your business is built on referrals. What the clients hear is that, in order for you to keep providing them with good client service, they need to help you grow your business by supplying names of their friends and associates.
"Clients give referrals only when they see the value in the work you do," Cates explains, suggesting that if a business is not getting referrals without asking, it's a signal something's wrong.
In coaching hundreds of people over the years, I've arrived at a very simple conclusion about all of this: R's (referrals) depend on R (relationship). As we continue to create deeper relationships with our clients, coworkers, and network contacts, referrals will follow. My book, The Power Is In The Connection, is all about relationships.
What's better - much, much better - than a lead? A relationship, and its inevitable result - a referral!
Friday, November 14, 2008
One + One + One + One = Success
From the desk of Ron Sukenick
Have you ever been DISC=ed? The DISC Personality Profile is an indispensable tool for my work as business adviser and personal coach. One interesting thing I found out while studying under Dr. Robert Rohm is that most of the world's major corporations use the DISC to form effective teams. In today's fast-paced, global business environment, that's how most of the work gets done - it's assigned to project teams.
Teams, of course, are made up of people, individuals with unique personalities and behavior styles. It's obvious that team members must be able to get along and communicate effectively with one another, with other teams, and with management. But corporate leaders know teamwork goes well beyond just getting along and communicating results. They know that having different personality styles represented on one team is the secret to competitive performance. That secret lies in the synergy of different perspectives and different talents being brought to bear to solve problems and arrive at innovative business solutions. Synergy means that the whole adds up to more than the sum of the parts. Synergy is the magic that happens when teamwork really works!
Now, some of the businesses for whom I'm the adviser are so small, they don't have all four DISC personality types on their company team. That's exactly where going Beyond Networking helps. Those very small businesses create their magic by connecting with other business owners. (Remember, we're not talking about exchanging leads and referrals a' la traditional networking; we're about going beyond that to Connection.)
The DISC Personality Profile reveals that people fall into four general personality styles. But, with the synergy of Connection and going Beyond Networking...
1+1+1+1= Success!
Have you ever been DISC=ed? The DISC Personality Profile is an indispensable tool for my work as business adviser and personal coach. One interesting thing I found out while studying under Dr. Robert Rohm is that most of the world's major corporations use the DISC to form effective teams. In today's fast-paced, global business environment, that's how most of the work gets done - it's assigned to project teams.
Teams, of course, are made up of people, individuals with unique personalities and behavior styles. It's obvious that team members must be able to get along and communicate effectively with one another, with other teams, and with management. But corporate leaders know teamwork goes well beyond just getting along and communicating results. They know that having different personality styles represented on one team is the secret to competitive performance. That secret lies in the synergy of different perspectives and different talents being brought to bear to solve problems and arrive at innovative business solutions. Synergy means that the whole adds up to more than the sum of the parts. Synergy is the magic that happens when teamwork really works!
Now, some of the businesses for whom I'm the adviser are so small, they don't have all four DISC personality types on their company team. That's exactly where going Beyond Networking helps. Those very small businesses create their magic by connecting with other business owners. (Remember, we're not talking about exchanging leads and referrals a' la traditional networking; we're about going beyond that to Connection.)
The DISC Personality Profile reveals that people fall into four general personality styles. But, with the synergy of Connection and going Beyond Networking...
1+1+1+1= Success!
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
The Three Stages
From the desk of Ron Sukenick
In a sense, I've always been about business, and today, quite a number of entrepreneurs look to me as their business advisor. But sometimes, when people first find out I'm a Certified Human Behavior Consultant™ and hear me talk about "going beyond networking to connection", they don't get it. "C'mon, Ron," they say, "Gimme a break. I've got a business to run!" One small business owner put it like this: "I barely have time to network at all, let alone go beyond networking. Why are you trying to steer my focus away from my business?"
Interesting…only last month in INBIZ Magazine, well-known local leadership coach Ron Ernst (could the first name Ron indicate a coaching predilection?) wrote an article that answers my small business owner friend's question. Ernst talks about "navigating the three stages of business growth". Organizations pass through three distinct phases, he points out, from start-up through validation and finally (this is the part that relates to Beyond Networking) to "conscious growth". This third stage, Ernst explains, is where "businesses grow up".
To the question "Why are you trying to steer my focus away from my business?" my namesake Ron is replying that no business can grow up without focusing into (not away from!) itself. That's why he calls that third stage conscious growth.
So, why is my focus on going beyond networking to NetBeing, on connection rather than leads, and on self-discovery? Because businesses can't "grow up" until their leaders do. Businesses can't have sustained growth until their leaders create a working environment that fosters personal growth for everyone in the business and for everyone who does business with that business.
In every sense, connection is all about business. I'm Ron Sukenick, and my goal is to help every business get to Ron Ernst's third stage - and beyond!
In a sense, I've always been about business, and today, quite a number of entrepreneurs look to me as their business advisor. But sometimes, when people first find out I'm a Certified Human Behavior Consultant™ and hear me talk about "going beyond networking to connection", they don't get it. "C'mon, Ron," they say, "Gimme a break. I've got a business to run!" One small business owner put it like this: "I barely have time to network at all, let alone go beyond networking. Why are you trying to steer my focus away from my business?"
Interesting…only last month in INBIZ Magazine, well-known local leadership coach Ron Ernst (could the first name Ron indicate a coaching predilection?) wrote an article that answers my small business owner friend's question. Ernst talks about "navigating the three stages of business growth". Organizations pass through three distinct phases, he points out, from start-up through validation and finally (this is the part that relates to Beyond Networking) to "conscious growth". This third stage, Ernst explains, is where "businesses grow up".
To the question "Why are you trying to steer my focus away from my business?" my namesake Ron is replying that no business can grow up without focusing into (not away from!) itself. That's why he calls that third stage conscious growth.
So, why is my focus on going beyond networking to NetBeing, on connection rather than leads, and on self-discovery? Because businesses can't "grow up" until their leaders do. Businesses can't have sustained growth until their leaders create a working environment that fosters personal growth for everyone in the business and for everyone who does business with that business.
In every sense, connection is all about business. I'm Ron Sukenick, and my goal is to help every business get to Ron Ernst's third stage - and beyond!
Monday, November 10, 2008
Going Beyond Networking - In Style!
From the desk of Ron Sukenick
Before starting out on a journey, it helps to think about how things might look at our destination point. You and I, remember, are going into the Beyond Networking zone (beyond traditional networking, that is) and on to Connection, and then further on, to Relationship. And we don't want to just get there - we want to relish the trip itself, every step of the way.
When I was studying under Dr. Robert Rohm to become a Certified Human Behavior Consultant™, one of the very first things I learned about was the Four Main Personality Styles. Of course, the whole purpose of studying these is to be able to really understand what another person is saying, and what motivates that person. No, we're not talking about some parlor game that helps you "guess" what others' styles are, but a way to better connect with all kinds of people. Connection, remember, constitutes the first big leg on our journey to Relationship.
Dr. Rohm uses a model of human behavior called the DISC. You may have heard of the DISC, because so many big corporations use the DISC profile in working with their employees and maximizing the productivity of business teams. The DISC is based on four basic behavior patterns that people tend to use. (By no means is Dr. Rohm implying that each of us always follows one type, because we all use all four styles in different settings and different situations.) What almost all of us have, though is a "fall-back" style of behavior, a way of being that feels most natural and comfortable, a style we tend to use first, and which we use without thinking about it!
Discovering our own style and learning to recognize others' styles can give us an extremely valuable tool in building connections that work. The DISC has proven to be a very powerful tool for beginning this self-discovery. For today, I'll just mention the four styles, and then we'll go much deeper into each type later on.
D stands for Dominant, I for Inspiring, S for Supportive, and C for Cautious.
If you're fresh from many years of old-style networking, I imagine that every fiber of your businessperson self is screaming with impatience (if you're still reading this blog). After all, there's business to tend to and deals to close. Who has time time for self-discovery? You need results!!
I have three words for you if that's the way you're thinking: Hold those horses! Remember what we don't want - to keep up this frantic pace of working at networking. We want networking to work for us! To do that, we need to reach beyond networking and go inward a bit. We need to understand what really makes business people "tick", and what makes us tick in "style"!
Before starting out on a journey, it helps to think about how things might look at our destination point. You and I, remember, are going into the Beyond Networking zone (beyond traditional networking, that is) and on to Connection, and then further on, to Relationship. And we don't want to just get there - we want to relish the trip itself, every step of the way.
When I was studying under Dr. Robert Rohm to become a Certified Human Behavior Consultant™, one of the very first things I learned about was the Four Main Personality Styles. Of course, the whole purpose of studying these is to be able to really understand what another person is saying, and what motivates that person. No, we're not talking about some parlor game that helps you "guess" what others' styles are, but a way to better connect with all kinds of people. Connection, remember, constitutes the first big leg on our journey to Relationship.
Dr. Rohm uses a model of human behavior called the DISC. You may have heard of the DISC, because so many big corporations use the DISC profile in working with their employees and maximizing the productivity of business teams. The DISC is based on four basic behavior patterns that people tend to use. (By no means is Dr. Rohm implying that each of us always follows one type, because we all use all four styles in different settings and different situations.) What almost all of us have, though is a "fall-back" style of behavior, a way of being that feels most natural and comfortable, a style we tend to use first, and which we use without thinking about it!
Discovering our own style and learning to recognize others' styles can give us an extremely valuable tool in building connections that work. The DISC has proven to be a very powerful tool for beginning this self-discovery. For today, I'll just mention the four styles, and then we'll go much deeper into each type later on.
D stands for Dominant, I for Inspiring, S for Supportive, and C for Cautious.
If you're fresh from many years of old-style networking, I imagine that every fiber of your businessperson self is screaming with impatience (if you're still reading this blog). After all, there's business to tend to and deals to close. Who has time time for self-discovery? You need results!!
I have three words for you if that's the way you're thinking: Hold those horses! Remember what we don't want - to keep up this frantic pace of working at networking. We want networking to work for us! To do that, we need to reach beyond networking and go inward a bit. We need to understand what really makes business people "tick", and what makes us tick in "style"!
Friday, November 7, 2008
Play It Again, Sam!
from the desk of Ron Sukenick
It’s fundamental – people are more likely to repeat behaviors that bring them a feeling of reward. It’s the same with networking. At traditional networking events, the way it used to be, each of us tried our best to connect with certain other individuals. We thought those connections would be rewarding because of those people’s positions. Say I sold products or services that were used in hospital rooms. I would’ve been particularly interested in meeting you if I thought your position would make meeting you rewarding. Why? Well, either you worked for a hospital, or you sold products or services to hospitals and had an “in” at certain hospitals that I did not. I really wasn’t interested in you as a person, nor did I expect you to want to know me as an individual. Our purpose lay in our respective positions.
So, I zeroed in on you and started a conversation. If that looked as if it was going to be rewarding, (meaning I got some leads), I would keep trying the same approach with others in your position. I’d repeat my behavior, because I found that behavior gave me rewards.
NetBeing goes far beyond traditional position-based networking.(NetBeing is a word that was coined to capture the essence of a relationship mindset.) NetBeing has a person-to-person, not a position-to-position focus, and links to creativity, ideas, resources, and synergy, not just leads. Looked at from a NetBeing standpoint, even if it turned out that I got no leads at all from talking with you, I could still benefit from our conversation and find it rewarding. I might have gained valuable insights into the workings of hospitals. Perhaps, in the process of sharing experiences in sales, a new approach to selling to hospitals emerged for both of us.
So, what about leads? Don’t we need those to get rewarded in our careers? And, if we don’t find out what the other person’s position is, won’t we just waste our time, with nothing accomplished? The a-m-a-z-ing answer to that question is – that’s not at all what happens with connecting and with NetBeing. Once we broaden our focus and begin to build connections that transcend position, wonderful rewards start to happen for everyone. But, before we can enjoy those rewards, we need to break out of those set ideas about leads and positions.
Once we experience the rewards of NetBeing, with its long-lasting and more meaningful sharing with other business people, we’ll be wanting to do it again. After all, we’re human, and we repeat behaviors we find truly rewarding. Using the NetBeing approach, we’ll soon be saying, “Play it again, Sam!”
It’s fundamental – people are more likely to repeat behaviors that bring them a feeling of reward. It’s the same with networking. At traditional networking events, the way it used to be, each of us tried our best to connect with certain other individuals. We thought those connections would be rewarding because of those people’s positions. Say I sold products or services that were used in hospital rooms. I would’ve been particularly interested in meeting you if I thought your position would make meeting you rewarding. Why? Well, either you worked for a hospital, or you sold products or services to hospitals and had an “in” at certain hospitals that I did not. I really wasn’t interested in you as a person, nor did I expect you to want to know me as an individual. Our purpose lay in our respective positions.
So, I zeroed in on you and started a conversation. If that looked as if it was going to be rewarding, (meaning I got some leads), I would keep trying the same approach with others in your position. I’d repeat my behavior, because I found that behavior gave me rewards.
NetBeing goes far beyond traditional position-based networking.(NetBeing is a word that was coined to capture the essence of a relationship mindset.) NetBeing has a person-to-person, not a position-to-position focus, and links to creativity, ideas, resources, and synergy, not just leads. Looked at from a NetBeing standpoint, even if it turned out that I got no leads at all from talking with you, I could still benefit from our conversation and find it rewarding. I might have gained valuable insights into the workings of hospitals. Perhaps, in the process of sharing experiences in sales, a new approach to selling to hospitals emerged for both of us.
So, what about leads? Don’t we need those to get rewarded in our careers? And, if we don’t find out what the other person’s position is, won’t we just waste our time, with nothing accomplished? The a-m-a-z-ing answer to that question is – that’s not at all what happens with connecting and with NetBeing. Once we broaden our focus and begin to build connections that transcend position, wonderful rewards start to happen for everyone. But, before we can enjoy those rewards, we need to break out of those set ideas about leads and positions.
Once we experience the rewards of NetBeing, with its long-lasting and more meaningful sharing with other business people, we’ll be wanting to do it again. After all, we’re human, and we repeat behaviors we find truly rewarding. Using the NetBeing approach, we’ll soon be saying, “Play it again, Sam!”
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
Inward Bound
From the desk of Ron Sukenick
Your first instinct, when thinking about going into the Beyond Networking zone, is probably to picture being outward bound, going outside your circle of friends to meet new people. After all, what you're trying to do is create connections that can benefit your business. Perhaps when you think about going beyond traditional ways of doing things and moving outward, you're conjuring up a mental image of the Space Shuttle, or, if you're a science fiction fan, you see the image of a time machine reading to speed you into the future. That's how I started out thinking about reaching beyond networking, too. But true Beyond Networking actually starts in the other direction. To progress from the shake-hands-and-hand-out-a-lot-of-cards-and-brochures type of networking, and move on to Connection, we start by going inward.
You see, we each have our own built-in perspective on life and on everything that's happening around us. Often, when a sale or a business deal doesn't go the way we expected, we find that hard to understand. After all, from our perspective, this deal (or sale) was the best thing since sliced bread! (The other person was just blind not to realize that!) The fact is, we can't understand - until we understand the Model of Human Behavior. We can network all day long, but until we truly get to know our own behavior style and then come to know the behavior styles of other people, we'll never really get it. Oh, we may succeed in getting our sales numbers up and even pull off some really big business deals, but we'll never reach the Connection phase. That would be a pity, too, because the connection phase is where stuff really starts to happen for us and for everyone with whom we connect.
Once I'd studied to become a Certified Human Behavior Consultant, offering the Ultimate Discovery System, a whole lot of things started becoming clear that had once been the source of my biggest frustrations.(I'm still on my journey with a long way to go, but now I know the right direction to be heading.) Try to imagine this: If you could read someone else's mind, and understand "where that person is coming from", you'd be so much better equipped to communicate clearly to that person, wouldn't you? In this blog, Beyond Networking, we'll be exploring the four personality styles (it really does feel like exploring a beautiful park or a secret cave!), always coming back to where everything begins - understanding ourselves.
Let me put this another way - have you ever been driving home after an unsuccessful meeting? (You know, you didn't make that sale, or you didn't get the other person excited enough to want to participate in your project?) Having been involved in sales and in projects my whole life, I know how that feels, all right! So you're driving along, asking a lot of Why's: Why couldn't he…? Why didn't she…..? Why can't they…??? Sound familiar? That's exactly the point of going Beyond Networking. All those "Why's" come from outward-bound thinking, and, remember, we're going beyond that!
Watch out - we're coming IN!
Monday, November 3, 2008
WHY A BLOG ABOUT BEYOND NETWORKING?
From the desk of Ron Sukenick
They say all good things in life start at the beginning. Sometimes, though, we get pretty far down a certain road before we realize that road isn’t leading exactly where we want to go. Much as we’d prefer to keep moving forward, it might be a better idea to turn around, go back, and make a brand new beginning, using all the lessons we’ve learned on the round trip! This blog is about new beginnings, and how we can move beyond the old ways and the old thinking to create a new reality for ourselves.
“Wait a minute!” you say. Is this Ron Sukenick that is talking about going beyond networking? The same Ron Sukenick who’s been teaching and preaching networking, networking, and more networking for what seems like the last three decades? The same Ron Sukenick who’s recognized as one of the nation’s leading experts on the art and impact of - networking?”
Yes, yes, and yes. See, here’s the thing: Back in the 70’s and 80’s, when formal business networking was first growing in popularity, it was all about making contacts. To create success, we wanted to meet with lots of people, tell them about our business, and then follow up to convert total strangers into loyal customers and clients. Dressed in mode-of-the-moment business attire, armed with hundreds of business cards and brochures, we “worked the room” at networking meetings with efficiency. Considering it a “no-no” to spend too much of our precious time with just a few individuals, we scanned the room, moving quickly from encounter to encounter, giving “spiels”, jotting notes, and shaking hands, listening to just enough of others’ remarks to rank them as useful to us or a waste. As our crop of contacts grew, we needed to “manage” those, being careful to catalog all the business cards in order to select only the hottest of the hot leads for followup,
At some point, somehow, we began to sense that something was missing. I was thinking the other day about Mel Gibson making a movie about what women want. I’m not a movie maker, but I thought the time was ripe for a blog about what networkers want that traditional networking just can’t supply. I began to realize we don’t want to just keep working at networking; we want to have networking work for us! To do that, we need to reach beyond networking - to connection.
As part of my own new beginning and my resolve to go beyond networking, I co-authored the book, The Power Is in the Connection, introducing fifteen relationship building strategies, as the next level up from a networking approach. I’ll be sharing some of these relationship strategies here in the Beyond Networking blog. But, as I came to understand how we need to BE before we can DO, I knew there was an even deeper aspect to connection. I studied under world-famous communications and relationship development expert Dr. Robert Rohm to become a Certified Human Behavior Consultant™, offering my clients the Ultimate Discovery System. I’ll be sharing more about the Personality Insights assessment tools in this blog as well.
We cannot Beware of something until we are Aware of it, so the blog will be about becoming aware of what lies beyond traditional networking. I’ll be here blogging on Beyond Networking blog every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, working to provide a platform for networkers to achieve the kind of sharing networkers really want and need. Together, we’ll build business by going beyond networking to Connection, and then by going beyond connection to Relationship. We’ll share the tools. We’ll share stories. We’ll share resources. Watch out world – we’re going into the Beyond!
They say all good things in life start at the beginning. Sometimes, though, we get pretty far down a certain road before we realize that road isn’t leading exactly where we want to go. Much as we’d prefer to keep moving forward, it might be a better idea to turn around, go back, and make a brand new beginning, using all the lessons we’ve learned on the round trip! This blog is about new beginnings, and how we can move beyond the old ways and the old thinking to create a new reality for ourselves.
“Wait a minute!” you say. Is this Ron Sukenick that is talking about going beyond networking? The same Ron Sukenick who’s been teaching and preaching networking, networking, and more networking for what seems like the last three decades? The same Ron Sukenick who’s recognized as one of the nation’s leading experts on the art and impact of - networking?”
Yes, yes, and yes. See, here’s the thing: Back in the 70’s and 80’s, when formal business networking was first growing in popularity, it was all about making contacts. To create success, we wanted to meet with lots of people, tell them about our business, and then follow up to convert total strangers into loyal customers and clients. Dressed in mode-of-the-moment business attire, armed with hundreds of business cards and brochures, we “worked the room” at networking meetings with efficiency. Considering it a “no-no” to spend too much of our precious time with just a few individuals, we scanned the room, moving quickly from encounter to encounter, giving “spiels”, jotting notes, and shaking hands, listening to just enough of others’ remarks to rank them as useful to us or a waste. As our crop of contacts grew, we needed to “manage” those, being careful to catalog all the business cards in order to select only the hottest of the hot leads for followup,
At some point, somehow, we began to sense that something was missing. I was thinking the other day about Mel Gibson making a movie about what women want. I’m not a movie maker, but I thought the time was ripe for a blog about what networkers want that traditional networking just can’t supply. I began to realize we don’t want to just keep working at networking; we want to have networking work for us! To do that, we need to reach beyond networking - to connection.
As part of my own new beginning and my resolve to go beyond networking, I co-authored the book, The Power Is in the Connection, introducing fifteen relationship building strategies, as the next level up from a networking approach. I’ll be sharing some of these relationship strategies here in the Beyond Networking blog. But, as I came to understand how we need to BE before we can DO, I knew there was an even deeper aspect to connection. I studied under world-famous communications and relationship development expert Dr. Robert Rohm to become a Certified Human Behavior Consultant™, offering my clients the Ultimate Discovery System. I’ll be sharing more about the Personality Insights assessment tools in this blog as well.
We cannot Beware of something until we are Aware of it, so the blog will be about becoming aware of what lies beyond traditional networking. I’ll be here blogging on Beyond Networking blog every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, working to provide a platform for networkers to achieve the kind of sharing networkers really want and need. Together, we’ll build business by going beyond networking to Connection, and then by going beyond connection to Relationship. We’ll share the tools. We’ll share stories. We’ll share resources. Watch out world – we’re going into the Beyond!
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