Beyond Networking

Is peace, hope and security a pipe dream?

2010-07-14T19:21:00.000-07:00

Is peace, hope and security a pipe dream? Will we ever see a world devoid of man's inhumanity to man, where crime, war and terrorism are things of the past rather than the present and future?

Two Indianapolis businessmen, Ron Sukenick and Joe Newman, believe it is possible to change the world with a process which starts with character development. The pair has introduced Little Rox (www.littlerox.com), a "rock-in-a-box" to deliver and reinforce messages based on character traits.

20 distinct rocks, such as granite, obsidian, sandstone, shale and marble are matched with one of the twenty characteristics Sukenick and Newman hope people will embrace. The complete package includes a rock, a book, a printed character trait and The Declaration for Humanity.

According to Sukenick, "Joe and I felt if people worldwide adopted character traits such as benevolence, deference, dependability, forgiveness, generosity, honesty and humility, it would have a significant impact on mankind. To support our Little Rox, we created a Declaration for Humanity, modeled after the Declaration of Independence. Our goal is to get commitments from as many people as possible to join us in this important mission."

"Each Little Rox is imbued with a personality and quotes attributed to the rock. For example, Granite, one of the 20 featured Little Rox said, "It is an enormous project with 6.6 billion people in the world, but there are more rocks than people and we can get this message out. Little Rox Can Make a Big Difference," added Newman.

The legendary Don Quixote describes his quest by saying, "To dream the impossible dream..." To us, stated Sukenick, the impossible dream is a world of peace, hope and security. We hope the Little Rox get the message across...it starts with character development."

Ron Sukenick is President of Relationship Strategies Institute; Joe Newman is CEO of the American Basketball Association (ABA). For more information, call Ron Sukenick at 317 216 8210 or Joe Newman at 317 844 7502 or email Ron at rs @ littlerox.com or visit www.littlerox.com.

Wonder what that was all about?

2010-05-29T05:46:00.000-07:00

You should have seen my face yesterday at the very moment my cell phone go flushed down the toilet into the Louisville Sewer System.

You heard me right.

Can you imagine?

Taking a poop and when I got up to leave the bathroom, my phone fell out of the case and down the toilet…..

Wow! Was I shocked..

Has anything so weird like that ever happen to you?

Wonder what that was all about?

So I lost my cell phone yesterday afternoon, and that evening, I found someone else’s cell phone. And was fortunate enough to return it safely to them.

I wonder what was going on yesterday.

Any thoughts?

What are you doing to exceed expectations?

2010-05-24T19:05:00.000-07:00

I had the chance a few years back to host a radio talk show. It was a weekly Saturday morning get together of people who would interact with the audience sharing ideas, information and other resources.

The topics focused on building business strategies to use to create the level of success for which we are looking.

About a year and a half into the show, I realized that the demands were getting greater and that people’s expectations were becoming unfulfilled.

So I did an informal survey asking the audience to call in, send in, or just tell me, “What have you been doing to exceed people’s expectation?” The results were amazing.

After interacting with approximately 3,400 people, less than two percent could easily tell me what they do to exceed people’s expectations.

In fact, 68% of the people felt that what they were currently doing was exceeding expectations because they would receive compliments for the work performed.

Unfortunately, it doesn’t work that way.

Doing what is expected, doing a good job, or getting complements doesn’t necessarily mean that you’re exceeding people’s expectations. It simply means that you’re doing your job.

Ask yourself the following questions:

1. If you do a good job for someone, will they always do business with you?
2. If you do a good job for someone, will they always tell others about you?

The answer to the above questions is a resounding no! Unless you’re exceeding people’s expectations in the relationships you’re developing, it is always possible for them to go elsewhere.

Here is an example from a Construction Project Manager. Let’s call him Phil. Phil is well liked and knows his job well. Whenever he has a construction project to estimate, no one seems to do a better job. He always builds the project for less then the budget allows.

Now ask yourself another question: Is Phil exceeding people’s expectations, or is he simply doing a great job? Or, from a cynical perspective, is it possible that Phil always over-budgets and just brings the project in for what it really took the company to build it?

Kind of gets you thinking, doesn’t it?

You see, even though Phil might think that he is exceeding his company’s expectations, he isn’t. He is just doing a great job and the company knows it.
In fact because Phil always comes in below budget, the company expects that Phil will do just that: come in below budget.

So what can we learn from this story? Consider this rule of thumb:

If others always expect that you’ll do a great job,
you’re probably not exceeding anyone’s expectations.
It’s when your doing things that are not expected
and doing a great job
that you’re getting closer to exceeding others expectations.

It’s About Knowing People

2010-05-08T14:32:00.000-07:00

What I’ve grown to realize and accept over the years is this one simple fact. The more we know about people, the more likely we can help. But the real question is this: What does it take to know people? How about this for an answer: What I’ve learned from years of interaction and observation, is that it takes approximately 2000 hours to get to know anyone. To put this into perspective, let me illustrate it this way. Working 40 hours a week for 50 weeks, would be 2000 hours. Now the question, how likely is it that you will be able to devote 2000 hours in any given year to getting to know someone? In my opinion it is not likely, but should this be a goal of ours? In my world, while the number of 2000 certainly reflects one’s commitment to building the relationship, and I suggest that you start on this road, it’s also important that each and every one of us take the time to pause, and to pace ourselves on how we build our relationships.

Has this ever happened to you?

2010-04-30T15:37:00.000-07:00

Have you ever been to a networking event where you stumbled successfully upon an individual and before you can introduce yourself, they take the lead and start telling you everything you can imagine about them self?

Now picture this. They’re doing all the talking, and you can’t seem to get a word in edge wise. After approximately five minutes, they say “It was a pleasure meeting you,” and then they leave to go find someone else to talk to. You meet them, you have no chance to tell them about yourself, they did all the talking, and then they tell you it was a pleasure meeting you and they leave.

Most people I speak with have the impression that they really didn’t get anything from the exchange because they really have no understanding of who you are. But I want to challenge your thinking just a bit, and ask you to remove yourself from the equation to understand the real power of what just took place.

What might the person have gotten from the exchange? The answer is a joyful experience of them self. It’s that simple. You provided a forum for them to feel good about them self. In my opinion, it doesn’t get any better than that. If you can get out in the community and provide joyful experiences for others by listening to their story, their entire story, and their entire story first, then you’ll find yourself on the path of heightened friendships and deepened relationships with others.

How are you living your life?

2010-04-27T16:03:00.000-07:00

Each of us comes to a point in our lives when we ask essential questions. How am I to live my life? What is my unique path and intentions for my life? What are the relationships that support my personal and professional growth? How can I better support others?
How we answer these questions help us live and choose more purposefully in all aspects of our lives.

Strange is our situation here upon earth.

2010-04-25T08:52:00.000-07:00

Strange is our situation here upon earth. Each of us comes for a short visit, not knowing why yet seeming to divine a purpose. From the standpoint of daily life there is one thing we do know. That we are here for the sake of others… Many times a day I realize how much my own outer and inner life is built upon the labors of others, both living and dead, and how earnestly I must exert myself in order to give in return as much as I have received and am still receiving.

Albert Einstein

Going beyond what's expected

2010-04-16T03:34:00.000-07:00

If others always expect that you’ll do a great job,
you’re probably not exceeding anyone’s expectations.
It’s when your doing things that are not expected
and doing a great job
that you’re getting closer to exceeding others expectations.

Live Life Purposefully: The Relationship Within

2010-04-10T12:26:00.000-07:00

Personal awareness and self-knowledge emerges out of self-reflection. Through this knowledge, you clarify your intentions for your life! What is the fire within you that is unique to you? Once you see your life purpose more clearly, you will make more purposeful choices, and better see yourself, the person in front of you, and the opportunities that are possible together.

Are you hearing what I just said?

2010-04-05T19:05:00.000-07:00

Take 30, divide by half, add ten, the answer is? Let me ask you one more time. Take 30 divide by half add ten the answer is? Now for those of you who answered twenty-five that’s the correct answer but to a different question. You see if I said take 30 and divide by two that would be fifteen and then if you added ten, the answer would be twenty-five. But if you remember correctly, I suggested that you take 30 and that you divide by half. Half goes into 30, 60 times and when you add 10, the answer is 70.

Our intention is not to present a tricky question; our intention is to make a point.
You see, many of us respond quickly to the questions that we think are being asked. We don’t hear what is said. By doing so, we miss the real question, and the opportunity to respond with understanding and knowledge.

When we find ourselves not listening to others it’s often a product of being bored, tired, hurried, or a dozen of other reasons that we come up with. Who cares what the reason is? The fact is, we assume we hear. In any event, we are not purposeful in our listening efforts. To become a more purposeful listener, we first commit to listening, assuring that we indeed did hear the words that the person expressed. We then ask questions and put into our own words to clarify that we understand what the other person is saying. The light bulb pretty quickly goes on when we find that we have truly heard and truly do understand another. This kind of listening helps reveal deeper feelings and needs.

Providing a joyful experience to others

2010-04-01T18:03:00.000-07:00

In my first book, "Networking Your Way to Success", I addressed nine networking strategies. One of those strategies was act like a host, never a guest. Let’s expand on that strategy and explore the real power of providing a joyful experience to others.

The word Joy comes from the Latin word gaudium, meaning “pleasure, gladness and happiness.” Its inherent nature is one of sudden surprise. Joy also shows many sides and arises as a result of both internal and external stimuli. Joy is both a physical sensation and an emotional feeling. When we experience Joy, we feel complete and whole in the moment. When we experience joyfulness, we are satisfied and pleased with things as they are. And last but not least, Joy deepens our relationship with individuals, with our work and with our community.

Has this ever happened to you?

Have you ever been to a networking event where you stumbled successfully upon an individual and before you can introduce yourself, they take the lead and start telling you everything you can imagine about them self?

Now picture this. They’re doing all the talking, and you can’t seem to get a word in edge wise. After approximately five minutes, they say “It was a pleasure meeting you,” and then they leave to go find someone else to talk to. You meet them, you have no chance to tell them about yourself, they did all the talking, and then they tell you it was a pleasure meeting you and they leave.

Most people I speak with have the impression that they really didn’t get anything from the exchange because they really have no understanding of who you are. But I want to challenge your thinking just a bit, and ask you to remove yourself from the equation to understand the real power of what just took place.

What might the person have gotten from the exchange? The answer is a joyful experience of them self. It’s that simple. You provided a forum for them to feel good about them self. In my opinion, it doesn’t get any better than that. If you can get out in the community and provide joyful experiences for others by listening to their story, their entire story, and their entire story first, then you’ll find yourself on the path of heightened friendships and deepened relationships with others.

Interdependence….Dependence….Independence…..Interdependence

2010-03-30T18:19:00.000-07:00

Understanding this keeps us mindful of continually developing interdependence for ourselves and recognizing our contributions to the success and potential of another. As part of a larger interdependent world, we have the continued opportunity to receive and give back, becoming liberated and independent contributing to liberation and independence for others.

One of the central features of relationships then is our awareness of interdependence. We move from seeing ourselves as separate from one another, to seeing ourselves as connected and interdependent with one another.

A process of interdependence allows us, as individuals to be STRONG enough to be dependent when new behaviors, new skills, and new learning are required. When we are able to do this in an interdependent world, we move toward independence and self-reliance.

When interdependent behavior is high, individuals are making connections continuously, providing help and asking for help. Individuals are connecting others to others—and therefore strengthening connections in a web of relationship that far exceeds you and me.

When independent behavior is high, individuals are focusing on their individual success and are more apt to be self sufficient and self-reliant. Overly independent, individuals may not make the connections they need to continue to grow personally and professionally or to contribute to the success of others.

When interdependence is practiced and embraced, independence is a natural product. Individuals are able to get needed support and better move in relationship with the world. Recognizing that there is a time for dependence allows us to move to full potential by first suspending our independence. For many of us, this is a very vulnerable place. Becoming vulnerable in all aspects of our lives will help us ask for the help we need, and to better move easily in and out of relationship as we develop new and untested processes.

Fostering an interdependent environment creates an incredible web of support that is transformative to one’s life and to the world!

Develop a Relationship Mindset

2010-03-27T09:22:00.000-07:00

"The most important single discovery of this generation is that we change our
conditions by changing our attitude of mind".
William James

A turning point in developing my relationship mindset occurred about thirty years ago. I was on a plane from L.A to N.Y. to visit my parents. It was one of those midnight specials. The plane wasn’t as full as I am sure the airline wished it would have been, and the opportunity to stretch out across the entire row of seats made itself available.

What happened next I believe literally changed my life, or, at least my attitude about life and the power behind developing a relationship building mindset.

On awakening after a few undisturbed hours of restful sleep, I felt something at my head. Grabbing to feel what it was, I picked up this 5x7 black-covered book titled The Master Key System by Charles Haanel. For whatever reason, somebody either accidentally dropped it at my head, or possibly placed it there for me to enjoy for the rest of my life.

Let’s take a moment to examine some of Charles Haanel’s ideas. The book points out that much gathers more is true on every plane of existence, and that loss leading to greater loss is equally true. Our minds are creative, and conditions, environment and all experiences in life are the result of our habitual or predominant mental attitude.

Our attitude of mind depends upon what we think. Therefore, the secret of all power, all achievement, and all possibility depends upon our thinking.

This is true because we must “BE” before we can “DO,” and we can “DO” only to the extent which we “ARE,” and what we “ARE” depends upon what we think.

Our attitude of mind toward life pretty much determines the experiences with which we are to meet. If we expect nothing, we shall have nothing; if we expect much, we shall receive the greater portion.

The important aspect of this strategy is recognizing how our thoughts are getting in the way, and focusing on relationship connecting, rather than spending our energy on negative thoughts about the relationship or the individual, or what is not working. We are able to focus on gathering more.

Purposeful Communication and Resistance to Changing The Communication Process

2010-03-21T17:53:00.000-07:00

We are all resistant at times to change! When you feel this resistance rise up in you, pause and look behind the resistance. Are you giving up the comfortableness of a proven communication success and going into unknown territory? Are you moving from your current capability of talking about the weather, what you do for a living, about the project at hand, et cetera? There’s nothing wrong with that. In fact, sharing common experiences early in an interaction will help everyone feel comfortable. Taking the next step may feel vulnerable and awkward. One way to practice this is to talk about what you are feeling, what you are aware of in the moment. Simply notice and remember with practice, deepening the person-to-person connection will become natural.

13 ways to help you create impact at the point of interaction

2010-03-15T19:08:00.000-07:00

1.Contribute – Always share ideas, information and your resources with others.

2.Make it a small world – Everyone you meet has something in common with you. Your job is to find out what that is. In helping you to make it a small world, always mention the names of people, places and things. You’ll be amazed on how people will respond when they find that you have experienced something or know someone in common.

3.Take interest in others – By investing a little time in research prior to your following up on a contact you made, you’d be amazed at the impact upon your follow-up phone call. Go to any of your favorite search engines and be amazed at what might come up for you to read. Once found, mention to the person you're following up with what you found as you were surfing the net. They will love that you took the time to learn more about who they are. In exchange, they will be more open to learning more about who you are.

4.Link one relationship to another – The power has been and always will be in making the connection for others. Do what you can to link one relationship to another.

5.Shorten learning curves – Learn to provide information to someone in need at that very moment that request is made.

6.Listen three times as much – When you speak, you learn what you know. When you listen, you learn what they know. Need I say anything more?

7.Look & comment about their business card – Quite often people exchange business cards and without even looking at it. Consider looking at it and commenting on something you see on the card. The person in front of you will love the attention.

8.Be passionate about your work – Having a passion for the work that you do is contagious. Learn to express yourself as though your life relied on it.

9.Find your reason for being – If you're going to go about building relationships with others, it’s important that you self reflect and strengthen the relationship with yourself. Find your reason for being.

10.Connect their goals to people you know – Another form of linking relationships to one another. Once you determine what they're looking to accomplish, simply make the connection with others that you know that might be able to move what their wanting to accomplish forward. Think of this as an act of kindness.

11.Connect the dots – Connecting the dots is your ability to recall information that helps to clarify one’s intention for moving forward.

12.Take the moment and dance with it – Being in the present will always create impact when being with others. Make every effort to be with the person in front of you. Eliminate any possible thoughts going through your mind that is not directly related to the conversation and person your with.

13.Follow-up – Know that just being there is not enough. You must have a solid system for creating a persistent presence. This is where most people fall down. They meet people and do nothing with the information. You must follow-up and do so within 48 hours or less. With you being one of the only people following up from the event you recently attended, you’ll surely get their attention for future opportunities.

How we think about work is changing

2010-03-10T18:03:00.000-08:00

There is an old joke about two manufacturing employees. The first worker asks: “Is your job in jeopardy?” The second worker responds: “No, my job is very secure. It’s me they can do without.” More and more individuals are becoming entrepreneurs, both in response to their desire to navigate their own destiny, and from reengineering, downsizing, and rightsizing that has occurred within their organizations. These new entrepreneurs are looking at each other for markets, for resources, for products, for services, and for business relationships. The new reality will continue to challenge how we think about work as mergers and acquisitions and a leaner flatter organization continues to evolve.

QUALITY OF LIFE CONSIDERATIONS

2010-03-07T18:40:00.000-08:00

Quality of life considerations and the diversity of our times challenge us to pay attention to how we approach business relationships. Family and life balance issues have always been critical issues for most people. Now, more and more individuals are making decisions based on that which is most important to them.

The world as we know it

2010-03-01T18:19:00.000-08:00

A changing world has narrowed the boundaries of the world and opened up opportunities that two short decades ago would not have been imagined. A fast paced economy calls for interfacing with others in multifaceted ways, and our relationship web now extends throughout the world. Therefore, the 21st century provides unique opportunities and challenges in building business and personal relationships. NetBeing focuses the state of concentration on meeting challenges with greater and greater ease.

Are you making the most from the contacts your making?

2010-02-26T13:50:00.000-08:00

How often do you go out, meet people, and for whatever reason, nothing happens?

Think about it. Do you consciously plan or map out what you looking to accomplish?

In most cases, people go out to network with no real goal in mind. They simply do it for the joy of interaction.

Now, I’m not putting down the concept of interacting because as you and I know, if it wasn’t for having some fun at it we would never do it.

So you make a lot of contacts but the relationship never really goes anywhere.

Did you ever think about why?

And while we can make all the contacts in the world, wouldn’t it be great to know more about how we can convert contacts into purposeful connection?

As a way to help you in the process, listed below you’ll find some tips on how to do just that.

13 ways to help you create impact at the point of interaction

1. Contribute – Always share ideas, information and your resources when with others.

2. Make it a small world – Everyone you meet has something in common with you. Your job is to find out what that is. In helping you to make it a small world, always mention the names of people, places and things. You’ll be amazed on how people will respond when they find that you have experienced something or know someone in common.
3. Take interest in others – By investing a little time in research prior to your following up of a contact you made, you’d be amazed at the impact upon your follow-up phone call. Go to any of your favorite search engines and be amazed at what might come up for you to read. Once found, mention to the person your following up with what you found as you were surfing the net. They will love that you took the time to learn more about who they are. In exchange, they will be more open to learning more about who you are.
4. Link one relationship to another – The power has been and always will be in making the connection for others. Do what you can to link one relationship to another.
5. Shorten learning curves – Learn to provide information to someone in need at that very moment that request is made.
6. Listen three times as much – When you speak, you learn what you know. When you listen, you learn what they know. Need I say anything more?
7. Look & comment about their business card – Quite often people exchange business cards and without even looking at it.

Consider looking at it and commenting on something you see on the card. The person in front of you will love the attention.
8. Be passionate about your work – Having a passion for the work that you do is contagious. Learn to express yourself as though you’re life relied on it.
9. Find your reason for being – If you going to go about building relationships with others, It’s important that you self reflect and strengthen the relationship with yourself. Find your reason for being.
10. Connect their goals to people you know – Another form of linking relationships to one another. Once you determine what their looking to accomplish, simply make the connection with others that you know that might be able to move what their wanting to accomplish forward. Think of this as an act of kindness.
11. Connect the dots – Connecting the dots is your ability to recalling information that helps to clarify one’s intention for moving forward.

12. Take the moment and dance with it – Being in the present will always create impact when being with others. Make every effort to be with the person in front of you. Eliminate any possible thoughts going through your mind that not directly related to the conversation and person your with.

13. Follow-up – Know that just being there is not enough. You must have a solid system for creating a persistent presence.

This is where most people fall down. They meet people and do nothing with the information. You must follow-up and do so within 48 hours or less. With you being one of the only people following up from the event you recently attended, you’ll surly get their attention for future opportunities.

Let’s take a moment and look at how networking has traveled over the years.

2010-02-22T18:19:00.000-08:00

The 70s: It was all about how much we knew; an independent focus in creating our own success existed in the business community. We presented ourselves as experts and were less likely to share information for fear of losing our ideas, our competitive advantage, or our share in the market place.

The 80s: How much we knew and who we knew. We developed our ability to negotiate and compete, and still believed we were independently creating our own success.

The 90s: Who we could gain access to. We looked at six degrees of separation, and all the ways we could reach and develop a business network. We also began to see, with the explosion of the quality movement, information sharing, involvement, and a more global market calling for establishing solid networks of relationships. The philosophy of networking exploded within the business community.

The 2000s: NetBeing, a new intelligence of relationship building, adds to our learning from the 1990s on how well we are able to respond to the needs of individuals. When we are continuously paying attention to individuals, we can better help them. This new intelligence includes more than responding to the obvious task or project efficiently and effectively. It is also about how enjoyment is derived in the process. Most importantly, going forward is about deepening relationships and attending to a multitude of ever changing factors.

Relationshift - Relationships never end. They just shift

2010-02-19T16:20:00.000-08:00

The spirit of the word relationshift reflects that a relationship never really ends, it simply flows to something else—through a relationshift, the relationship becomes relevant or figural again when time, opportunity and a mutual focus reemerges. The concept of relevance further expands the definition to consider the questions who, why, when, where, and how. We have changing needs and we need to ask a host of questions as we go forward in relationship. Paying attention to relevance in a given situation keeps an “on-target” focus toward developing that which currently aligns to what is most important to self and the other. In short, relevance is constantly changing. That is the very reason attention to the shift taking place in relationship is important.

While the relevance of the relationship is changing in the present, it is also imperative for all of us to understand that relationships, as a whole, always have been and always will be shifting! A collaboration ending now, may come back again twenty years from now. Relevance reemerges, if you will, around a common goal. Developing a meaningful and quality relationship is the lifeblood of taking your personal and professional relationships to the next level--lifting up and helping others along the way. When we look at a relationship with these eyes, we see that we can easily pick up again as we move forward in our personal and professional life.

What are you doing to become more resourceful to others?

2010-02-13T19:59:00.000-08:00

Resourcefulness

Webster defines resource as a source of information or expertise; a source of supply or support. Resourcefulness is the ability to effectively and efficiently respond to problems and determines resources that are important (people, technology, materials, services, time, et cetera.) Resourcefully, responding to the need in the moment calls for attention to ongoing and emerging needs. This constant reevaluation help answer the question what is needed now. The ongoing accumulation of knowledge and skills help you become more and more resourceful in relationships. Further, resourcefulness helps in the taking of a large network of contacts into purposeful connections.

Relationship Rules

2010-02-08T19:58:00.000-08:00

Rules are defined by Webster’s New World Dictionary as an established regulation or guide for conduct.

The definition for the purpose of this blog is to reinforce that each of us brings rules to the relationship based on many personal factors and that rules also emerge in relationship. The personal factors, to name a few, may include personality characteristics, boundary preferences, time availability or urgency, level of experience, geographical or global factors, comfort level, life focus, or monetary needs/constraints. The rules that emerge are based on the reason for the relationship, the length of the relationship, the level of established trust, and the degree of confidence that exists. Rules constantly change as the relationship changes. While rules may become formal or contractual, rules are often informal. Relationship rules provide guidelines and clarify expectations for your own and your partner’s interaction. Simply put, rules are the conditions for relationship. Remembering to look at these rules from time to time helps uncover whether the relationship rule continues to serve you well, or whether suspending or replacing the rule would serve the relationship better.

Reciprocity

2010-01-31T08:46:00.000-08:00

Webster defines reciprocity as a corresponding and complementary exchange: the quality or state of being reciprocal. Through mutual dependence, action or influence, a mutual exchange of privileges takes place. This definition fits well with the underlying intention that is inherent to a relationship focus. Most long-standing relationships are grounded in some form of reciprocity in the giving and receiving of rewards. Cunningham and Antill (1981) observe, “It is indisputable that most human relationships are based on considerations of equity and exchange.” Sharing this view of reciprocity as a joint responsibility enhances and deepens the relationship and the connection.

Rewardingness

2010-01-28T18:47:00.000-08:00

Webster defines rewarding as a sense of reward or worthwhile return. We are building on this definition by defining rewardingness as an ongoing exchange and flow based on mutual benefit for all. This exchange may be in providing services or products, or sharing learning, contacts, or resources.

There exists a fundamental psychological principle that people are more likely to repeat behaviors that have rewarding consequences for them than those that do not. Relationships are likely to deepen if partners can increase the range and depth of the mutual rewards they receive from one another, and if they are able to sustain a high level of mutual trust and benefits.

The relationship provides joyful experiences. This is the reward itself!
Phil Black, a student, writer, and teacher of Gestalt Psychotherapy poses the rhetorical question “…when all goals are close to equal, what determines who we remain in relationship with whether it is business or pleasure? It is the relationship itself that determines this decision—the ease and the pleasure derived. In the end, there must be joy: a laugh, a smile, or we will not find satisfaction, and we will not stay with or return to.”

Capturing his remark and adding, yes, it is the reward of the relationship that keeps us involved.

Commitment Within a Relationship Mindset

2010-01-24T15:26:00.000-08:00

For many people, the biggest reward from commitment to the relationship process is that it leads to closer, warmer, and deepened relationships with others.

When you take a pro-active approach to developing relationship with others, others are eager to enter into business and social relationships with you. Now it doesn’t mean that everybody will choose to interact with you. A relationship mindset simply increases the possibility that someone will want to interact with you!

Commitment is the foundation of this strategy. A relationship mindset begins with commitment and ends with commitment. Not only will you build strong relationships in your professional life with this commitment, but within your personal life as well. This strategy and the commitment that you develop, supports the passion behind the relationship process.

The difference between a successful relationship mindset and an unsuccessful relationship mindset is attitude.

ONE OF MY FAVORITE QUOTES

2010-01-14T04:56:00.001-08:00

The greatest gift I can conceive of having from anyone is to be seen by them,
heard by them, to be understood and touched by them. The greatest gift I can give
is to see, hear, understand and to touch another person. When this is done I feel contact has been made.
Virginia Satir

2009 is almost over. Now what?

2009-12-24T09:36:00.000-08:00

(An Observation in action) December-2009

As we move into the year 2010 and beyond, there is allot to think about and understand as it relates to world of networking and business relationship development.

In fact, let me begin with a shocking statement that should take many of you including my colleagues by surprise.

Networking is DEAD.

And in my opinion, networking as we know it today has been dying a slow death since about 1995.

And, if you think that you’re going to continue doing what you have been doing as it relates to business networking, your making a big mistake.

Now don’t get offended by my statement. I really don’t mean any harm.

It’s just true.

In another soon to be released observation, I’ll be discussing what I call the “The Joy of Interaction” and what networking has in common.

But for now, let’s get back to this observation.

Here are the facts.

a. Networking is awkward for most people
b. Networking is hit and miss for most people
c. Networking is always situational
d. Networking in most instances is about individual success
e. Most networkers are not following up with people they meet
f. And last and most relevant is that networking is never about you. It’s always about the other person.

So with that said, I’ve chosen to make some suggestions on what you should consider doing to make the most from the business networking relationships you have developed and are in the process of developing.

And by doing so, you’ll get closer to making the most from your business networking relationships as you move through 2010.

Here are my 15 top suggestions
for greater networking success in 2010

1. Invest more time with people – The biggest investment you will make in building relationships and proving out a productive working relationship is TIME. Simply stated, the more you know and understand others, the more likely that relationship will flourish.

2. Become purpose driven – If building relationships are going to be at the fore-front of you networking activities, then you first have to strengthen your relationship with self. Self reflection, reason for being, purpose driven and vision is an important part of that process. If you don’t take the time to sit back and work on yourself, who will?

3. Create unparallel visibility – The bottom line for more business in 2010 is simply becoming more visible. That means getting targeted with face to face and on-line social networks. While Face book is a cool place to hang out, consider strengthening your profile and connection base on such sites as LinkedIn, and other industry specific portals to make more of a professional impact worldwide. Also, take a closer look at the micro sites that are more geographic to the area where you are marketing your services and creating impact. Some examples are –
www.SmallerIndiana.com (central Indiana) www.biznik.com (Pacific Northwest) etc.

4. Develop relationship strategies – Everyone talks about relationships. Now you can do something about it. A relationship strategy is anything that you can do that adds value to others. Strategies put you in command and control of your relationship mindset. Don’t just talk about it. Do something about it. Develop your strategies today. (if you would like a list of 15 top relationships strategies to begin working with), visit www.ronsukenick.com and under resources, feel free to download for FREE the Relationship Strategies Blueprint.

If you need help in getting them implemented, don’t hesitate to give me a call.

5. Relentlessly follow-up – -Think about some of the recent networking events you attended and ask yourself the following questions:

a/ From the 10-15 people you might of met, how many actually followed up with you by sending a note in the mail, an e-mail, or a phone call and said – “What a pleasure it was meeting you at the recent any-town Chamber of Commerce event”?

b/ In fact, ask yourself the same question – How many did you actually follow up with a note, an e-mail, or even a phone call?

See what I mean? I told you so. Nobody is following up with anybody.

If you need a simple follow-up system that works every-time, send an e-mail to rs@ronsukenick.com and I’ll send you what I call the “Magic of 6”.

What’s great about it is that it works every-time.

6. Be in a hurry – The biggest driving force in most countries continues to be speed. People want what they want, and they want it NOW! Take the moment and dance with it. Don’t wait to get better connected. And don’t wait to provide the support that’s needed now by the many people your meeting.

When you act on the environment, you being proactive and by being proactive, you’re generating excitement, energy, focus, and enthusiasm. Thus leading to greater success.

If most of your efforts are in the reactive mode, it’s simply a slower process and your generating fatigue, crisis management, thus often leading to failure.

7. Find ways to become more useful and resourceful to others – Simply stated, whatever you have done to satisfy anyone yesterday, it won’t be enough to satisfy them tomorrow. Make sense? I want to suggest that you immediately look for no less then 6 ways that you can become more useful and resourceful to others. Let me give you a hint. Keep meeting people. The more people you know that know what to do next, and know how to get things done, the more useful and resource you will be.

8. Increase you frequency of interaction – Increased interaction brings increased cooperation with others. To many times people fail to follow up with people their meeting. If you can get up to 6 interactions with anyone, it’s likely you’ll have a good beginning for a relationship that will never end. See my suggestion # 5 for more comments to support this suggestion.

9. Join a referral club – There is a distinction in the kinds of networks that exist. Go for the strong contact, referral giving groups. The BNI’s, LeTips and the newest and closely watched Gold Star Referral Club are for sure your best bet for the greatest return on your time and money invested. In fact, I’m a director with Gold Star and would be interested in you helping me build referral networks all over the country. Call me at 317-216-8210 TODAY!

10. Connect the Dots as often as you can (making the most from the Small World Phenomena) – When was the last time you heard that infamous expression – It’s such a Small World Isn’t It? – Keep in mind that the power in your networking efforts is always in the connection. And that the connection between you and the people your meeting, is never between you and the people your meeting. It’s between you, them, and something else that you have in common. If you want to learn more about this process, e-mail me for my article – “It’s such a small world isn’t it?”

11. Increase the rewardingness – If you want people to act the way you want them to act, you have to increase the rewards of being and doing business with you. Weather it’s knowing more people, becoming a better listener, or even just putting in a toll free number to reach you, people will always respond to something they like and appreciate. Keep the rewards coming.

12. Take the Joy of Interaction to higher levels – Let’s face it. The reason why you love this thing called networking is clearly because of what I call – The “Joy of Interaction”. Isn’t it fun? I didn’t say it was productive. I just said its fun. So when you’re out interacting with others, consider bringing the following characteristics to the table – fun, excitement, passion, creativity, dependability, responsibility and support. Make it a joyful experience for the people your meeting.

13. Go after the relationship, not just the sale – This is the very reason why most people find networking so in-effective. There going after the sale. When looking to build your business, think relationship first.

14. Don’t manage people (manage the system) – Systems build business and are more predictable and reliable. In a networking environment, it’s very difficult to get people to do what you want them to do, and if you could, it would have to be with their own willingness to get it done. My suggestion is that you stick to a predictable system that works every time.

If interested, go to YouTube and search for the Ron Sukenick Toaster story. It’s a metaphor for how you can build relationship with the use of a system. You will love it.

15. Listen three times as much – When you speak, you learn what you know. When you listen, you learn what others know. The power has always been in the listening. Here’s a good question you should ask yourself – When was the last time anyone said – Thanks for taking the time to listen? If it’s been while, go back to work and become a great listener.

In fact, great listeners, have great connections.

So when all is said and done
Stay focused, challenge your thinking and underlying beliefs, be more strategic, go after the relationship, connect the dots, make the connection, and always take the moment and dance with it.

Targeted Visibility: Intentional & Focused Approach

2009-12-16T16:22:00.000-08:00

Targeting your visibility involves choosing those focus groups where your goals and objectives align to the objectives of others within these groups.

There are countless ways we meet people just by following interests. To meet people that align with your interests, you must pay attention to how you are spending your time, what you are saying yes to, and with whom. Your visibility will take on a life of its own, multiplying exponentially.

Has the art of giving to one another in Small Biz America been lost?

2009-12-12T19:39:00.000-08:00

I’ve been involved in the world of small business networking for the last 30 years and in my opinion, the mentality of giving to others has shifted.

Business networking that is widely accepted and enjoyed by people in small business has become one of the most sought after marketing tools to grow a business.

While networking typically is viewed as a low cost marketing for less idea, it does require a great deal of discipline and hard work to build the kind of business opportunities one desires.

But today, I want to dig deeper into the gift of giving.

In fact, a great quote that I have loved and appreciated over the years has been William Blakely’s quote saying - “That you always Give without remembering, and you always receive without forgetting”.

So what’s my gripe you ask? It’s simple, with no shortage of people networking, and places to network at, everyone is looking for something.

You see, the mentality is one of – What can I get from this group? Or what can I get from this person?

What about this thought? – What can I give to this group. Or what can I give to this person.

John Kennedy said it so well in the 1960’s when he said – “Ask not what this country can do for you, but what you can do for this country.

So in closing, when were not able to attend a function or event, let’s simply accept the fact that when were not there, were not able to give.

As my mother always told me, the gift, is always in the giving.

Developing my relationship mindset

2009-12-10T17:51:00.000-08:00

A turning point in developing my relationship mindset occurred about twenty five years ago. I was on a plane from L.A to N.Y. to visit my parents. It was one of those midnight specials. The plane wasn’t as full as I am sure the airline wished it would have been, and the opportunity to stretch out across the entire row of seats made itself available.

What happened next I believe literally changed my life, or, at least my attitude about life and the power behind developing a relationship building mindset.

On awakening after a few undisturbed hours of restful sleep, I felt something at my head. Grabbing to feel what it was, I picked up this 5x 7 black-covered book titled The Master Key System by Charles Haanel. For whatever reason, somebody either accidentally dropped it at my head, or possibly placed it there for me to enjoy for the rest of my life.

Let’s take a moment to examine some of Charles Haanel’s ideas. The book points out that much gathers more is true on every plane of existence, and that loss leading to greater loss is equally true. Our minds are creative, and conditions, environment and all experiences in life are the result of our habitual or predominant mental attitude.

Our attitude of mind depends upon what we think. Therefore, the secret of all power, all achievement, and all possibility depends upon our thinking.

This is true because we must “BE” before we can “DO,” and we can “DO” only to the extent which we “ARE,” and what we “ARE” depends upon what we think.

Our attitude of mind toward life pretty much determines the experiences with which we are to meet. If we expect nothing, we shall have nothing; if we expect much, we shall receive the greater portion.

The important aspect of this strategy is recognizing how our thoughts are getting in the way, and focusing on relationship connecting, rather than spending our energy on negative thoughts about the relationship or the individual, or what is not working. We are able to focus on gathering more.

Interdependence Unleashed

2009-12-05T16:41:00.000-08:00

Cooperative relating is the integration of independence and cooperation.

Mutual dependence takes place when we embrace this in our thinking and interactions: I need you and you need me.

We act or work together, cooperating to achieve what both parties need/want.

We own collectively, and share in the risks and the benefits, or experience the joy of helping another reach another level. In a truly cooperative relationship, this basic dynamic is extended repeatedly. Cooperative partners bring to light what is possible together.
Fostering an interdependent environment creates an incredible web of support that is transformative!

Fully recognizing that we are interdependent beings reinforces the fundamental and enduring principle that we know at our core that we are not alone in our living, never have been, and never will be.

Your Independence is a Direct Result

2009-12-02T07:52:00.000-08:00

Known to the wise, Abraham, Buddha, Confucius, and Jesus understood the underlying connectedness of all humanity. Their admonitions to us contain high awareness of our human interdependence. - -Timothy Wilken

All accomplishment, all achievement, all success, all progress that we as human beings have experienced is a result of our interdependence with others! A tremendous amount of support surrounds us in all areas of our lives; our families, our friends, our business colleagues, our partnerships, our educators, our children, our community, our state, our country, our world are visible support structures.

While the list of this interdependent support goes on, as individuals we often fail to realize that independence is a direct result of our interdependence and cooperation with others. We cannot truly become independent without the help of others! How do we achieve independence? We must learn to ask for this help! Independence is achieved through interdependent associations when people are united together to support each other: mentoring, coaching, sharing resources and referrals, working together toward common objectives, and helping in numerous ways.

Are you hearing what I just said?

2009-11-25T18:14:00.000-08:00

When Does Failure to Listen Occur?

2009-11-20T16:20:00.000-08:00

Failure to listen occurs whenever the receiver “tunes out” the sender of the message before receiving the entire message. One instance is when you disagree with some part of what is being said; you listen to the point of disagreement, and begin formulating your response in your head rather than continuing to listen.

This is the old habit of listening to only what you want to hear and failing to listen to the rest of the message. As a result, the message is misunderstood and not heard.

When we find ourselves not listening to others it’s often a product of being bored, tired, hurried, or a dozen of other reasons that we come up with. Who cares what the reason is? The fact is, we assume we hear. In any event, we are not purposeful in our listening efforts. To become a more purposeful listener, we first commit to listening, assuring that we indeed did hear the words that the person expressed. We then ask questions and put into our own words to clarify that we understand what the other person is saying. The light bulb pretty quickly goes on when we find that we have truly heard and truly do understand another. This kind of listening helps reveal deeper feelings and needs.

Commitment Within a Relationship Mindset

2009-11-15T07:14:00.000-08:00

For many people, the biggest reward from commitment to the relationship process is that it leads to closer, warmer, and deepened relationships with others.

When you take a pro-active approach to developing relationship with others, others are eager to enter into business and social relationships with you. Now it doesn’t mean that everybody will choose to interact with you. A relationship mindset simply increases the possibility that someone will want to interact with you!

Commitment is the foundation of this strategy. A relationship mindset begins with commitment and ends with commitment. Not only will you build strong relationships in your professional life with this commitment, but within your personal life as well. This strategy and the commitment that you develop, supports the passion behind the relationship process.

The difference between a successful relationship mindset and an unsuccessful relationship mindset is attitude.

Making the Choice

2009-11-08T18:19:00.000-08:00

The process of choosing and deepening relationships is interrelated. At each point in your relationship, you and those to whom you relate may choose either to develop or not to develop your relationships further. How do we make that choice? Of course, there are many ways. One person described her experience as jumping belly first into the water. Jane describes her process. It’s like going into a swimming pool and testing the water first. I gingerly test the water with toes, feet, and then slowly edge into the water. I temper my approach into the water with caution depending on whether it is a warm day in June versus a hot day in July. If the sun is shining or if it is overcast, I approach the water accordingly.
The same is true in relationship. We are continuously feeling our way along in the meeting with another. We test the temperature, gauging the mutuality and connection, and then step back to assess how it feels, and whether the other person or persons have a reciprocal response. A multitude of factors in our environment are considered in going forward. Sometimes, no holds barred, we jump right in!
I will offer the following five R’s to throw into the mix of discussion around this very critical topic: Rewardingness, Reciprocity, Rules, Resourcefulness, and Relationshift. Below is the first of the 5 R's.

Rewardingness

Webster defines rewarding as a sense of reward or worthwhile return. We are building on this definition by defining rewardingness as an ongoing exchange and flow based on mutual benefit for all. This exchange may be in providing services or products, or sharing learning, contacts, or resources.

There exists a fundamental psychological principle that people are more likely to repeat behaviors that have rewarding consequences for them than those that do not. Relationships are likely to deepen if partners can increase the range and depth of the mutual rewards they receive from one another, and if they are able to sustain a high level of mutual trust and benefits.

The relationship provides joyful experiences. This is the reward itself!
Phil Black, a student, writer, and teacher of Gestalt Psychotherapy poses the rhetorical question “…when all goals are close to equal, what determines who we remain in relationship with whether it is business or pleasure? It is the relationship itself that determines this decision—the ease and the pleasure derived. In the end, there must be joy: a laugh, a smile, or we will not find satisfaction, and we will not stay with or return to.”

Capturing his remark and adding, yes, it is the reward of the relationship that keeps us involved.

The desire for success

2009-11-04T17:55:00.000-08:00

While the basic desire for success is naturally a part of all of us, what we view as important varies. A broad spectrum exists from improved health and fitness, greater personal development, achievement, travel, fulfilling relationships, a deeper spiritual life, a more harmonious family life, a more exciting social life, more financial freedom, education, personal growth, or more free time.

The desire for success hasn’t changed over time; what’s changed is our perception of the way we get there. We always achieved success through relationship—now we understand that to better help and receive help, we must fundamentally experience this in all aspects of our lives. Therefore, the intention to form solid relationships must be at the forefront of all our interactions.

Many of us know this at a surface level. Bringing this principle to a heightened awareness propels us toward reaching out, tuning into the possibilities, the support, the creativity in relationship all around us.

The driving force of my work is that relationships are primary to everyone’s experience. We are constantly in relationship with our self, with others, and with a greater environment, world, and source. A continuous process of cultivating, attuning and attending to these relationships over a lifetime is part of the human experience we share with one another. Our observation skills, our diagnostic skills, and our remembering what is most important increases the quality of interaction in relationships, and, we would add, increases the quality of life.

Are you Netbeing or Networking?

2009-10-31T08:09:00.000-07:00

 A clear distinction between NetBeing and Networking exists. Networking provides a situational focus to gain competitive personal success and for individuals to connect with others to accomplish individual project tasks. In NetBeing, individual purposes overlap and a joint focus fosters mutual and multiple successes. NetBeing transforms networking contacts to a relationship focus through person-to-person connection. NetBeing links creativity, resources, and ideas, people-to-people in mutually supportive, rewarding, and purposeful relationships over a lifetime.

Attention to a Relationship focus

2009-10-28T18:54:00.000-07:00

Motivational experts in the last century proposed a timeless and sustaining theme in the study of motivation: human beings throughout the world, share fundamental needs. On a continuum from physiological and survival needs to reaching to realize full potential, the central element threading throughout is the need for affiliation. Human beings have a need to be in relationship.

What is relationship? Simply put, relationship is a flow of feeling This flow of feeling may be between you and a higher source, between you and nature, between you and your environment, or between you and another person. In this flow, an opportunity exists to experience connection. With another there is an opportunity for individual and mutual growth and support. We, as human beings, affect and are affected by others, help and are helped. Individuals have the opportunity to reach individual potential far beyond what they are able to do on their own, and to co-create when truly engaged in relationship. As they say in Africa, it takes a village to raise a child. Attention to a relationship focus takes this premise to the next level—it takes a village to maximize individual potential! All of us need relationship to maximize our full potential!

MICHAEL GERBER FOREWARD

2009-10-18T15:43:00.000-07:00

When my friend, Ron Sukenick, asked me to write the Foreword to this book, The Power is in the Connection, I cringed. So many books, so many ideas, so many prescriptions for success; the thought of dealing with yet another one was overwhelming to me.

Fortunately, I relented. And I'm glad I did. This book is a breath of fresh air. Finally, someone has addressed the subject of networking in an original and authentic way.

In a way that gets to the bottom of the word, relationship, and brings that word to the top of the mind, to the top of the heart, to the top of the commitment one needs to make if a truly authentic relationship is going to be served between the person who is looking for something and the person who is being engaged.

Because isn't that how all relationships start out? Someone wants something? A fellow wants a wife; a woman wants a husband? A girl wants a boy; a boy a girl? A business wants a customer; a customer wants to find exactly the right business to serve his or her needs?

And isn’t it true that most of us are pretty dismal when it comes to the process of communicating to someone else what we want? In fact, isn’t it also true that just knowing what we want, and feeling justified in wanting it, is a skill few of us have developed? And not knowing what we want, how often do we pursue a relationship with one thought in mind, only to find when it’s too late that even if we got what we thought we wanted, it was far from the truth of what we wanted? And what do we do then?

That's what this book is all about. It defines the essence of relationship, and the 15 strategies one can use (along with the 15 skills one needs to develop) in order to develop healthy, authentic, deeply productive relationships. Whether for the purpose of growing your business, or for the purpose of developing your career, or for the purpose of creating more profitable work, working with more exciting people, doing things you love to do, rather than things you don't, relationship is the vehicle.

Tall order for a personal improvement book. But this book does exactly that. And in a way that is thoroughly enjoyable to read, and thoroughly inspiring to use as a bridge between where you are presently, and where you want to be.

I'm sure you'll find this book to be as inspiring as I did. I'm sure you'll find more than you're looking for in it.

Thanks Ron and Jane, for asking me. And, thanks for your patience in waiting for my response. But, after all, isn’t that what a good relationship is about?

Michael Gerber, Author
xThe E-Myth Books

“Great Listeners have Great Connection”

2009-10-10T10:02:00.000-07:00

As many of you know, listening is one of the most sought after marketing tools of all time.

In fact, why is it so hard to find a good listener?

Here’s another question - When was the last time anyone said to you - Thanks for taking the time to listen?

Has it been awhile?

So without further ado, allow me to share a few of the many great listening quotes that are out there.

If you have a favorite listening quote, please don’t to hesitate to send it to me.

I can always get better at this thing called – listening.

Enjoy.

The most basic of all human needs is the need to understand and be understood. The best way to understand people is to listen to them. — Ralph Nichols

Effective listeners remember that "words have no meaning - people have meaning." The assignment of meaning to a term is an internal process; meaning comes from inside us. And although our experiences, knowledge and attitudes differ, we often misinterpret each other’s messages while under the illusion that a common understanding has been achieved. — Larry Barker

Our first responsibility as effective listeners is to understand ourselves as communicators. Just as the sources of the communication message shout are trained in self-intrapersonal communication, so, too, should listeners know themselves? — Carolyn Coakley

Every person in this life has something to teach me -- and as soon as I accept that, I open myself to truly listening. — Catherine Doucette

We listen in order to learn and retain information. If we are speaking, we are not listening or learning anything to add to our sum of knowledge. This is why the first step to effective listening is to stop talking! — Ken Fracaro

Listening effectively to others can be the most fundamental and powerful communication tool of all. When someone is willing to stop talking or thinking and begin truly listening to others, all of their interactions become easier, and communication problems are all but eliminated. — Ken Johnson

The contrast between hearing and really listening can be as different as night and day. And in a business environment, not listening effectively to customers, employees, and peers can mean the difference between success and failure. — Ken Johnson
Listening well is as powerful a means of communication and influence as to talk well. — John Marshall
When making personal decisions, listen to what your head says; then listen to what your heart says. If they differ, follow your heart! Whenever you listen to your heart, you listen to that part of you that is most interested in your well-being. — Anonymous

This is a time to give the gift of listening. There are an unknowable but very large number of folks who could really be helped with our listening to them. I know your hearts are all very warm and giving. Please, take time to listen to those around you.
- Richard D. Halley

My only advice is to stay aware, listen carefully and yell for help if you need it. — Judy Blume

I tell you everything that is really nothing, and nothing of what is everything, do not be fooled by what I am saying. Please listen carefully and try to hear what I am not saying. — Charles C. Finn

History repeats itself because no one listens the first time. — Anonymous

A vocal competition in which the one who is catching his breath is called the listener. — Anonymous

The older I grow the more I listen to people who don’t talk much. — Germain G. GlienThe right to be heard does not automatically include the right to be taken seriously. — Humphrey Hubert

One advantage of talking to yourself is that you know at least somebody’s listening. — Franklin P. Jones

Just because I didn’t do what you told me, doesn’t mean I wasn’t listening to you! — Hank Ketcham

The opposite of talking is not listening. The opposite of talking is waiting. — Fran Lebowitz
Congress is so strange. A man gets up to speak and says nothing, nobody listens and then everybody disagrees. — Will Rogers

Make sure you have finished speaking before your audience has finished listening. — Dorothy Sarnoff

A good listener is a good talker with a sore throat. — Katharine Whitehorn
It seems that we shall eventually come to believe that the responsibility for effective oral communication must be equally shared by speakers and listeners. When this transpires, we shall have taken a long stride toward greater economy in learning, accelerated personal growth, and significantly deepened human understanding. — Ralph Nichols

Talk less--you will automatically learn more, hear more, see more--and make fewer blunders. — Mark McCormack

You talk, you repeat what you already know; when you listen, and you often learn something. — Jared Sparks

Referral Clubs big attraction

2009-10-10T08:33:00.000-07:00

In a world that has radically changed for small businesses succeeding in today’s economy, the role of relationship building and referral giving is at an all time high.

Ask any small business owner today how they meet people best and undoubtedly they will state that they always meet people best through recommendation.

But go on to ask if they have all the referral business they can handle and that answer is almost always no.

So what’s the paradox you ask?

It’s simple. People are so pre-occupied with building their own business, it’s becomes difficult to take the time to help others.

But that doesn’t make any sense. In fact, from my understanding of people, and the trends I’m seeing in the small business community, the desire for success hasn’t change. What’s changing is simply the way we get there.

People are coming together today to help one another get ahead.

And what’s exciting is that structured referral programs enter the picture in a big way..

In a structured fun, fast moving agenda, businesses can meet weekly for the sole purpose of getting to know one another and with intention of passing qualified referrals to one another.

In fact, a great running referral system can easily provide the following benefits to anyone in business.

Here is what you can expect to receive as benefits from a structured referral giving program:

1. A Lead Generating System – This comes as a result of members inviting guests weekly to experience the group. Not everyone becomes a member. But everyone can easily become a good beginning for a relationship that will never end.

2. Business Building System – A business building system is a predictable and reliable approach with a structured agenda to provide business to one another. Simply said, it’s a part of the agenda at every meeting in which referrals are given to all in attendance. It’s an experience you don’t want to miss.

3. Relationship Building System – If were going to think long term, and want to build a business that succeeds, we have to go after the relationship. It’s too often that people in business are looking for leads and not understanding the real value of building relationships. Think about it.

How easy is in to get referrals with people you don’t know? That’s right. It’s not easy. What great about referrals groups is that they meet weekly with the clear intention of building relationships. And from my experience, if you can get up to six interactions with anyone, and at the same time provide mutually beneficial experiences, it’s likely you’ll have the beginning of a relationship that will never end. That’s why weekly referral is catching on like fire.

While Gold Star Referral Clubs are not the only referral clubs around, after spending 30+ years around the world of networking, Gold Star is the latest and what I feel the greatest and most improved system for building business around.

I liked their system so much; I decided to become one of their national director’s.

To learn more about Gold Star as a business building system, visit - https://www.goldstardirectors.com/index.asp
to become one of our director's, or simply to discuss the world of people connecting with people, I’m easily reachable at – rs@ronsukenick.com or by phone – 317-216-8210.

Use Your Outer Eye And Your Inner Ear

2009-01-30T07:09:00.000-08:00

From Ron Sukenick

I've been reading some of the sales training materials from Dr. Ramon Avila of Ball State University. He's got a list of Do's and Don't's for salespeople, and prominent among the Don't's is this: "Don't have a wandering eye." As a business coach for so many years, I'd put that one at the top of my list for anyone who wants to go beyond networking and create effective and long-lasting relationships. Here's what I mean:

A couple of decades ago, when formal networking was growing in popularity, we considered it a "no-no" to spend too much time at a networking meeting with just a few individuals. We wanted to be efficient, so, what we'd do is, while speaking to one person, we'd be scanning the room to see what contact to make next. We listened just long enough to the other person's remarks to rank them as useful to us or a waste of our time, and we never maintained full eye contact with anyone for very long. Not only weren't we listening very intently, it was worse than that - our contact knew we weren't listening very intently! There was no real connection - we didn't give one a chance to get started!

Now, don't get me wrong. I'm still the same Ron Sukenick who for almost thirty years has been promoting networking. In fact, I've had the privilege of being recognized as a national expert on networking. But business never stays the same, and so networking needs to change along with it.

I'm no physiologist, but now that I've resolved to go beyond networking and use and teach the 15 relationship strategies I talk about in my book (see The Power Is In The Connection), I'd swear there's a pipeline between our eyes and our inner ears. When we really look at another person, focusing all our attention on them, not scanning the room, not looking away, it actually opens up our "inner ears", so we can listen purposefully and honestly mean it when we say to that person, "Tell me more".

"Stop, look, and listen." - remember that one from grade school? I realize now that this is excellent advice, not only for school children, but for every business person who wants to travel "into the beyond" of networking.

The Good And Bad In "Bounce"

2009-01-28T04:24:00.000-08:00

From Ron Sukenick

Close to thirty years of working as a business coach - I'll tell you, that experience has gone a long way in helping me discover more about myself and other people. Then, when I studied under Dr. Robert Rohm and incorporated the Ultimate Discovery System into my work, that really helped my understanding of how relationships can be nurtured.

It's funny - there are two things about relationships that I've always known, but now I understand them a lot better. In a way, each of these two things relates to the word "bounce".

A friend shared with me a saying her grandmother used to repeat to her: "Laugh, and the world laughs with you; cry, and you cry alone." The first thing that came to my mind when I heard this saying was the four personality styles in the DISC personality profile (which so many corporations use to form effective teams). You see, even though each personality style has its strengths, and even though each person has value, it's a lot easier to do business with any person with an "upbeat" attitude. "Upbeat", you'd have to agree, always attracts more friends and more business than "downbeat"! Call it the "bounce factor". "Bounce" doesn't have to mean extroverted and life-of-the-party; in fact it can take the form of quiet optimism and openness to accept new ideas. Whatever form it takes, people like doing business with people who've got "bounce"!

Now that I've made reading and writing blogs a greater part of my business repertoire, I've become aware of a different meaning for the word "bounce". This meaning's more technical and not nearly so positive. When online searchers click onto a website or a blog post, but don't find the information they want, they leave quickly. A high "bounce rate" is not something you want for your blog or your website, because it means you've failed to engage readers' interest and attention.

When I started thinking about all this "bounce" stuff, I realized it all ties in with the concepts I teach about going beyond networking to NetBeing. When we're meeting another person, as I explained in "The Three Magic Words of Beyond Networking", too often we rush through the encounter. We're so intent on seeing if we can benefit, we take things too seriously and lose the upbeat "bounce" quality that would draw that person to us. Then, because we're too anxious to exhange information and leads, we forget to listen three times as much as we talk. That's why, I realize, traditional networking has such a high "bounce rate".

We really want more than this for ourselves, don't we? And we can have more, if we keep that positive "bounce" in our attitude, and take the time to connect and reduce our "bounce rate"!

Slow Down To Be In The "Right Now" in Business Encounters

2009-01-26T04:24:00.000-08:00

From Ron Sukenick

Going beyond traditional networking to the kind of interactions that start relationships takes a lot. Thing is, though, a lot all at one time won't do the trick. As I teach in my business coaching and in my Relationship Strategies courses, the purpose for setting a system in place is so you can make a habit of doing a lot of little things. Whatever business you're in, you do business with other people. And, just as the Kitty Kallen song says, and as I've pointed out before in my Beyond Networking blogs, when you're dealing with people, little things mean a lot.

As a business coach, I know business is constantly changing. I make an effort, no matter where I am and no matter what I'm reading, to pick up ideas on making relationships better. A couple of Sunday's ago, A "Cathy" comic strip reminded me of one of the saddest aspects of interaction that I see, which is being in too much of a hurry in our encounters with others.

Cathy and Irving have been visiting Cathy's parents for the holidays, and now it's time for them to leave. Cathy's mom says, "You're leaving so soon? Here, take the lists of things we didn't have a chance to do. Take the clippings of all the special places we ran out of time to visit, the family videos we didn't have a chance to watch." The visit had gone by and somehow these meaningful little things hadn't gotten done.

Every time we attend a networking meeting, every time we encounter a colleague or a customer, we're given a little "slice" of a chance to go beyond an encounter and create a relationship. Too often, though, we rush past these opportunities. We talk a little, we listen a little, we exchange business cards or even leads. But somehow, we don't take enough time or pay enough attention, and all of sudden, the opportunity to truly connect has slipped away. You leave the networking meeting with a little bit of an empty feeling. You worked at networking, but, somehow, networking didn't work for you!

Next time, don't hurry by a precious opportunity to connect. Be "in the now" and get it right with the person who is there with you right now!

Take A Tip From Meeting Planners To Go Beyond Networking

2009-01-23T05:24:00.000-08:00

From Ron Sukenick

To go beyond networking, I've found, we need to go beyond what's expected in the normal course of establishing business contacts. The value of good business relationships has never been higher. Good relationships bring business to you, bad ones drive business away. The concept is simple; putting it into practice beginning with the very first interaction is simple, too, but we need to work at it.

Dr. Ramon Avila, professor of sales and marketing at Ball State University, teaches that the WOW factor in sales means not just fulfilling, but exceeding customers' expectations. That's exactly what I believe we need to do to go beyond networking - we need to exceed expectations.

I read a wonderful article in Professional Speaker magazine, titled "Inside the Mind of Meeting Planners". As I was reading the article, I realized that the expectations meeting planners have of professional speakers are the same things business people should be doing in building strong business relationships.

Here are just a few of the things Corbin Ball Associates, meeting technology professionals, said they expect of the speakers they hire:

Absolute reliability.
Absolute integrity.
Quick responses (to e-mail and phone messages)
Be very clear about billing - no surprises!
No prima donnas, please. Be easy to deal with.

Aren't these exactly the qualities you'd look for in someone when you're beginning a business relationship? Be all these things and then - go beyond and exceed expectations!

If You're Listening WIth Purpose, Believe Them The First Time

2009-01-21T14:45:00.000-08:00

From Ron Sukenick

Poet Maya Angelou said, "If someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time". People show us who they are all the time, I've come to realize, even when they don't know they're doing it! But, as I said in More Interactions To Start Relationships, it's still up to us to notice and to give importance to the precious things we're seeing and hearing from other human beings.

When Oprah Winfrey quoted Maya Angelou in the graduation address she gave at Wellesley College, she used Maya's words to warn young women to stay away from "men situations" in which they are mistreated or lied to, rather than hanging on to a belief those men would change and come to treat them better in the future.

From my vantage point as a business coach, that line of poetry by Angelou has a broader and more positive meaning. When we meet a new business contact, and we are "in the moment" with that person, asking open-ended questions and saying "Tell me more!" , then listening purposefully to truly understand that person's perspective, that someone will, in fact, "show us who they are". Because we've gone beyond traditional networking towards NetBeing, we will have created the beginnings of a relationship.

In my Relationship Strategies Institute I teach how, using the DISC behavior model, we can notice four basic behavior patterns people tend to use. We each tend to use one style as our "fall-back", a way of behaving that feels most comfortable. This is what I meant when I said that people show us who they are even when they don't know they're doing it. As you become familiar with different behavior styles, you can use the model as a tool for communicating with other people in language that makes them most comfortable and most open to developing a relationship with you.

I've learned people want to be known and valued for who they really are. That's exactly why, after teaching effective networking for so many years, I've come to see that nowadays, real, profit-generating networking requires going beyond that. We need more strategy, more connectedness, and more trust. I think that's what Maya Angelou was really talking about - being open to really "seeing" and accepting others. If we listen with purpose and with true interest to people we meet, they will show us who they are. We'll be able to believe them the first time, and they, in turn, will be able to believe us!

Little Things Mean A Lot

2009-01-19T07:26:00.000-08:00

From the desk of Ron Sukenick

Even if you're too young to remember the hit song popular in the '50's, "Little Things Mean A Lot", the advice in that title will never go out of style for business relationships.

My work involves teaching a set of attitudes and actions that foster meaningful connections between people. In going beyond networking to build connections, paying attention to details is absolutely crucial.

In the song, a woman is telling her romantic partner what little gestures he can perform that would hold a lot of meaning to her. "Blow me a kiss from across the room", Kitty Kallen sings. "Give me your arm as we cross the street…Send me the warmth of a secret smile", she adds.

I would never presume to offer advice on love, but I can see some powerful parallels between the business followup system I teach in my Relationship Strategies courses and in my book and the lyrics of this Kitty Kallen blockbuster hit song. That's because, whatever kind of business we're in, we do business with people, and to people, little things mean a lot. For example, in my earlier blog, Interactions That Start Relationships, I suggest one little thing you can do as you're preparing to leave a networking event, recommending that you make one last round to say a special goodbye to each person you met for the first time.

You see, I believe that, before we can go beyond traditional networking, we need to set a system in place, a process for getting to Connection. In each part of that process, it will be the little things that make all the difference, those crucial extra touches that give clues to others that they are important to us.

Dr. Ramon Avila, who teaches sales at Ball State University, talks about the Six Silent Questions people think (but don't ask) when they meet us. After determining if we are competent and dependable, our new business contact is asking him/herself a question about us: Does this person understand my issues and challenges? The reassurance you provide is in the details. What little things help make each step of your followup process more personalized?

Here's my Beyond Networking challenge to each of you reading this blog as together we begin moving our business "into the beyond" in 2009: Take a moment right NOW and come up with three little things you can do to make a big difference in your business relationships. Email those to me at rsukenick@indy.rr.com. Watch out, world - we're going into the Beyond!

Are You Ready When They Are?

2009-01-16T03:13:00.000-08:00

From the desk of Ron Sukenick

When I first heard the Delta Airlines slogan “We’re ready when you are!”, I thought, “Wow! An airline after my own heart!.” You see, one of the main principles I teach as a business coach is this: You’re always better off to under-promise and then over-deliver. In other words, not only is it crucial for you to do exactly what you say you’re going to do, and to do it within the promised time frame, good business involves delighting your customers and contacts by going above and beyond their expectations. That’s one of the reasons I use my toaster as a metaphor for a business followup system. When you have a system in place for dealing with new contacts as well as with your existing customers, that system enables you to be ready - ready to follow up and to do all the things you promised – and more!

Alas, in the case of Delta Airlines, the company slogan turned out to be empty words. While I was grateful for the extra time I got to spend with my daughter as I was driving her to the Cincinnati airport (after Delta had summarily cancelled her flight from Indianapolis), I reflected on how very disappointed I was feeling. The company’s advertisements, and particularly the implied promise of their slogan, had led me to believe Delta would be ready when we were. They weren’t ready, not at all.

I realize, as I’m writing this blog, I’m living proof of a fact of business life. Happy customers may tell a few people about their positive experience with a business. But studies show that unhappy, disgruntled customers will tell tens of people how angry they are that some businessperson got their hopes up and then didn’t come through for them. Sure enough, here I am, telling hundreds of blog readers how disappointed I am that an airline wasn’t ready when I was.

Of course a building block in exceeding customer expectations is for you to know, not merely guess, what those expectations are. In my earlier blog, Interactions That Start Relationships, I talked about purposeful listening, using the three magic words, “Tell Me More!” to help you understand your networking contact or your customer. That way, you can tailor any action promises you make to that individual's needs. Remember to promise only what you will, in fact, be ready to do. Later, when you come through with even more than you promised to deliver, you’ll be showing your networking colleagues and your customers that you are, indeed, Ready When They Are!

Mind Your PQ's

2009-01-14T05:23:00.000-08:00

From the desk of Ron Sukenick

Just look back and count. Most of you reading this blog spent twelve to sixteen years of your life in a classroom, developing your intelligence, referred to as IQ. Now you’re out here in the business world, doing your best to line up up all those lessons into a career that makes financial sense. What’s more, unlike Rodney Dangerfield, you want to be able to say “ I DO get satisfaction” from that career. And that’s where PQ comes into play.

Just as IQ tests measure intelligence, your Personality Quotient, or PQ, measures your ability to understand yourself and others for effective communication and teamwork. Is PQ important? And how! Studies have shown that your knowledge and experience in your chosen field (essentially those things IQ measures) account for only 15% of success in the workplace. The other 85% relates to people skills, measured by PQ.

People skills, like intelligence, are developed through learning, but in the case of PQ, it means learning more effective ways to behave and to interact with others. The education offered through Relationships Strategies Institute begins by having you answer eight simple questions about yourself. Your answers will offer valuable clues about your personality style at work and in business by revealing your mindset, your communication style, and your motivation. As Dr. Robert Rohm, founder of the Ultimate Discovery System I use, likes to say, “If I understand you, and you understand me, doesn’t it make sense that we can work more effectively together?” The understanding starts with you and then radiates outward to others.

PQs are very much a part of the process of going Beyond Networking. In fact, the pont behind these blogs is that, as a business relationship coach, I was beginning to sense that networkers are beginning to seek something traditional networking just can’t supply. As I pointed out in Why A Blog About Beyond Networking, I began to realize we don’t want to just keep working at networking; we want networking to start working for us! To do that, we need to reach beyond networking to connection. In short, we need to mind our PQs!

Using Relationship Skills In A Job Search

2009-01-12T06:11:00.000-08:00

from the desk of Ron Sukenick

Every day in the paper I read about mass job layoffs. When I attend networking group meetings, I seem to meet more and more people on the hunt for new jobs. That's why the other day, as I was going through piles of different articles I'd collected over the past few months, it was natural that the one that caught my immediate attention came from a publication called JobDig.

The article I'd clipped was a half-pager titled "Tips For The Entry-Level Job Seeker". This piece was highly interesting for me, because much of the advice JobDig was offering to young job seekers, even though writer Taunee Besson wasn't using the same words, might have have been taken right from my Relationship Strategies courses or my Beyond Networking blogs.

First of all, rather than just searching the employment sections of the paper or going online, Besson tells applicants to change their approach. If you're in a job search, she advises putting together a description of your ideal job and then responding only to positions that closely match that description. When you find a match, she says, customize your resume to what that job specifically requires. In other words, Besson's saying, don't lower your expectations, and keep your goals firmly in mind.

This advice is very much in tune with what I teach about the 5 R's of personal and professional relationships. The first of the five R's is rewardingness. That means that that, in the long run, it's not going to work for you to "settle" for a job that you would not find rewarding and challenging, A solid, productive employment relationship needs to bring reward - in the form of personal satisfaction as well as monetary reward for you and for your employer.

JobDig, I was gratified to see, focused readers' attention on the power of networking. "Because employers want to hire candidates they know and trust, targeting potential employees through contacts is the way companies fill 80 to 90 percent of their openings, writes Besson. For that reason, she advises JobDig readers to "focus on finding openings through networking with friends, relatives, professional organizations, professors, fellow alumni or church members."

I've devoted my entire professional life to helping people connect to other people, sharing tools, training, resources, and systems. What business networking boils down to is that your best clients and customers meet you through an introduction from someone they already trust. I think what the JobDig article boils down to is that the best employment relationships start the same way!

Gift Returns And Returns On Relationships

2009-01-09T08:38:00.000-08:00

from the desk of Ron Sukenick

You may have already handled these matters, but at my house we're only now getting around to deciding which gifts to keep and which to exchange, plus composing all the thank you notes. Thank goodness I noticed Miss Manners' syndicated column headline "New Year's Not Too Late For Overdue Thank-You's!"

I've often mentioned in my blog how "easy" it is nowadays to thank a new networking friend for taking time to meet with you. With all the communication technology we have at our fingertips, the challenge is presenting your thanks in personalized way, in order to create interaction leading to a lasting relationship. To accomplish that, our message should show that we recall - and value - things about the other person that makes connecting with them special for us.

OK, with thank-you's done, I can focus on returning gifts that don't fit my size or my taste (just as I'm positive others are doing with presents received from me). The book "Do Your Giving While You Are Living" tells how we can avoid all this returning of gifts. Author Robin Spitzman advises us to pick up clues throughout the year in order to "create perfect gifts that demonstrate you really understand who that person is".

As I read further into the book, I found a couple of lines that mirror something I wrote in an earlier blog about going beyond traditional remarks in followup emails, and specifically mentioning pieces of information or news items related to your new business friend's work or personal life. In that same vein, Spitzman writes, "When you're having a phone conversation with someone who matters to you, pick up ideas about what that person cares about. As soon as you hang up, write them down."

Since gift givers' collecting clues year-round can help create perfect holiday-time gifts that fit recipients' needs, I imagine that if we were to put Spitzman's advice into practice. fewer gifts would need to be returned or exchanged. Likewise, I'm thinking, purposeful listening in networking encounters and in all our followup contacts may result in creating more "fitting" and more mutually rewarding business connections in any season of the year!

Sleep Number Business Relationships

2009-01-07T03:36:00.000-08:00

from the desk of Ron Sukenick

I've never devoted much thought to bedding, but SleepNumber ® beds have got to be one of the best consumer product ideas ever devised. Think about it - each side of the mattress can be individually programmed. As one of the product ads promises, "Neither you nor your sleeping partner has to compromise on the firmness or softness of the bed. Each of you can find your own level of comfort." It's absolutely brilliant! What's more, I think I've just found a new coaching metaphor-in-a-mattress.

You know how I'm always using the metaphor of my toaster to teach business owners and sales staff the importance of setting a system in place to attract, follow up on, and maintain business relationships? Well, the SleepNumber® bed serves as a perfect example of another fundamental truth I teach about business: People are more likely to repeat behaviors that bring them a feeling of reward. Customers, associates, and contacts will form a relationship with you because they feel they are rewarded. They will continue the relationship for the same reason.

One of the things I stress in "Thinking Points For Connecting Forward" is to ask people what "one thing" would help them, right now, move their personal or professional life forward, and then help them connect to resources to achieve that goal. So far, so good.

Here's where the individually-adjustable mattress metaphor comes in. Different people have different ideas about what's rewarding to them. Some business contacts focus on long-term benefits; others need to perceive more immediate rewards. Some value individual recognition, while to others a sense of belonging and connection is a priority. Remember the Four Main Personality Styles of the DISC model of human behavior? That tells us different people have different needs, different talents, and different perspectives.

Can you see why the the SleepNumber® bed idea holds such genius for sustaining mutually rewarding business relationships over time? Both parties need to feel rewarded in the relationship, but each could be getting different kinds of rewards out of it. Perhaps what I need most right now is a sounding board for ideas I have about growing my business. You, on the other hand, need information and contacts in an industry you want to penetrate. Because we're going beyond traditional networking to NetBeing, the two "sides" of our relationship can be adjusted to fit our individual needs.

Wow! A toaster metaphor and a mattress metaphor! What more could any business coach need?

Going Beyond The Law Of Attraction In Business

2009-01-05T06:01:00.000-08:00

from the desk of Ron Sukenick

Last week I blogged about "Find Me If You Can" lingerie, the product that's attracting so much negative attention from feminists. That's because each feminine underwear item is equipped with a GPS device, suggesting a way for jealous males to keep track of the comings and goings of spouses or significant others.

I drew a parallel between the advice offered by Konrad Marshall in an indy.com article about "Find Me If You Can" (guys should work harder at nurturing closeness with their gals, rather than keeping them close via electronic surveillance!) and my own business coaching advice about nurturing relationships with customers, business partners, and networking contacts.

In today's blog I want to back up a step. Before you can keep business relationships, you need a system for attracting relationships in the first place. In fact, the word "system" is key to everything I teach. Remember, developing leads and referrals and seeking out business is called netWORKing for a reason, and any sort of work is smoother and more effective if you've got a system in place.

My favorite analogy for a business system is my toaster. Once I've set the dial, inserted the bread, and pushed down the lever, I can let my toaster do its job. We activate the system when wee're introduced to someone, continue with a followup email, an idea for a meeting, and the meeting itself. Then we thank the new business contact and stay in touch. At each stage, to go beyond traditional networking to true interaction, we keep the attraction by personalizing our listening and our response.

Just as no GPS-equipped lingerie can bring real closeness to a couple, not all the wonderful modern technology available to us for business communication - fax, email, texting, cell phones, videos, conferencing, Twitter, blog, and on and on) can keep business relationships close. Only we can accomplish that, by collaborating with others and creating mutual rewards for staying connected.

Don't Worry About Keeping Them Close - Keep Them Close To YOU!

2009-01-02T06:30:00.000-08:00

from the desk of Ron Sukenick

What do you know? The Brazilians have produced a modern version of the chastity belt, a lingerie line with a GPS tracking device called "Find Me If You Can". For me as a business coach, networking expert, and behavior consultant - well, as you might imagine, this little news item about GPS underwear offers more food for thought than I can digest in one sitting!

Since I'm always interested in business, I must say "Find Me If You Can" wins the marketing prize because of all the attention it attracted, even though much of the attention was negative. In my next blog, I want to talk about attracting attention to your business in positive ways.

From a relationship point of view, I was especially interested in Konrad Marshall's remarks in the last paragraph of the article. "If she's such a beautiful bird", he asks, "why not set her free?" I think he meant that relationships can't be forced, as I emphasize in my book "The Power Is In The Connection". Both people in any relationship need to find a reward in staying connected. Marshall's advice to the suspicious:" Don't worry about keeping her close. Work a little harder at keeping her close to you."

One of the things I talked about In my earlier blog, Shed To Stay Alive, is the way relationships tend to ebb and flow, and how they're always moving and changing. Sometimes, we need to be able to let go, at least for now. Of course, by using purposeful listening and committing ourselves to "be in the moment" with other people, we can work at keeping them close to us. But, in the final analysis, if it's not right for that other person to be close to us right now, even to do business with us now, we need to "set them free".

Who knows? Later, that person might re-enter our business or personal life. Meanwhile, we need to concentrate on the fascinating and ongoing task of finding - ourselves!

Brush Your Behavior WIth Your Other Hand

2008-12-31T04:36:00.000-08:00

from the desk of Ron Sukenick

Ever since I learned about BDNF, I've begun brushing my teeth using my left hand.
BDNF, I found out, stands for brain-derived neurotrophic factor. That’s a protein which stimulates the growth of neurons which are linked to long term memory and mood. Until recently, I had no idea that, when we're depressed or stressed-out, our BDNF levels go down. The most interesting part of all this is that anything unexpected, from an unusual smell or taste, to using the "wrong hand", can reactivate the BDNF protein and relieve stress.

As a relationship coach, I find this new information dovetails nicely with what I teach about the Ultimate Discovery System and the Four Main Personality Styles. My whole purpose in studying about the different personality styles was to understand what motivates different people so that I can help them (and, in the process, help myself) move beyond traditional networking to Connection and Relationship.

As I explained in my earlier blog Going Beyond Networking, In Style, we each use all four behavior styles in different settings and different situations. What almost all of us have, though, is one dominant or "fall-back" style of behavior, a way of being that feels most natural and comfortable, and which we tend to try first.

Can you see the parallel between our dominant hand and our dominant behavior style? Just as force of habit has us picking up the toothbrush with our dominant hand, force of habit can keep us locked into one style of behavior. And what I'm concluding is that, just as continually using our dominant hand for routine tasks does nothing to stimulate growth neurons in our brain, continually using our dominant behavior style limits our ability to generate and sustain relationships.

Now that I know the secret to stimulating the production of BDNF lies in change, in varying the way we do everyday tasks, I'm thinking that becoming more aware of how we relate to other people, and then being open to varying our responses, might be the secret of discovering new things - in others and in ourselves.

Yes, I Do Want To Know What My Problem Is!

2008-12-29T06:15:00.001-08:00

from the desk of Ron Sukenick

"O" Magazine has a section called "Now What Do I Do?", in which various solutions are offered to ethical and etiquette questions posed by readers. A coaching client sent me a copy of November's "O", which discussed this issue:

What's the perfect answer to the infuriating question "You know what your problem is?"

Three responses were suggested in "O".

First, a simple, "I do, thank you." (This leaves the person with no opening to expound further.)

Second: "Don't tell me, or I'll have no more mystery in my life." (Sarcastic, cute. shuts off further conversation.)

The third answer is not a cutesy or stinging comeback, but a recommendation to the recipient of the criticism, and this is the response most in tune with my thinking as a business relationship coach. "If you have the self-possessed fortitude to listen to the answer without defensiveness, you will most likely learn something about yourself - and about the person who's got you all figured out!"

When others criticize us, it's easy to go on the defensive, which only escalates argument, alienates the other person even more, and turns the relationship worse.

Instead of a flippant or angry retort, try thinking of the admittedly needling question as a clue. The question "Do you know what your problem is?" is in fact, a clue to information. You absolutely need to have this information about that other person, and, even more important, about yourself.

Going on the defensive just drives away truth, and truth is the food of personal and business growth. It's okay to get the truth on the table, keeping in mind that, as relationships go deeper (and that's our goal in this Beyond Networking blog), it won't always be smooth sailing.

And, so here's the challenge I want to pose to you: Next time someone asks The Question (perhaps a business partner, an employee, or even someone with whom you're in a heated discussion), how about taking a deep breath, then calmly responding, "It seems I don't really know what my problem is, and I'd sincerely appreciate your insight. I mean that, so please tell me what's going on and I promise to listen."

Difficult to carry off? You bet. But with that kind of "come-back", everybody ends up winning!

Branding - Being Known For Who You Are

2008-12-26T03:49:00.000-08:00

from the desk of Ron Sukenick

I like to use my toaster as a metaphor for a system that can help us go beyond networking to more powerful interactions. The Magic of Six refers to each stage of the process of interacting to launch new connections. "Going beyond" means putting more of yourself into each part of the interaction, working towards collaborative goals rather than merely exchanging help.

After reading an article about branding in the latest issue of Speaker Magazine, I realized that businesspeople who have developed and grown their own brand are at a distinct advantage in each one of the stages of interaction with potential customers. For the article, Tim Hyland interviewed well-known speakers to learn how each had established a special brand.

Kathy Dempsey, whom I mentioned in my last blog post, uses the image of a lizard to teach that we must keep shedding old habits and old ways of thinking, just the way a lizard must shed its skin to stay alive. Dempsey dresses in black and green, and every member of every one of her audiences meets her mascot Lenny the Lizard and takes home a miniature lizard toy. Now, everyone who meets her greets her with, "I'm shedding!", to show they've understood her message and are putting it to use. Jill Konrad, who speaks on Selling To Big Companies, puts the word BIG in very, very big letters on her logo, and uses the BIG theme in all her talks and on all her printed materials.

Now, imagine you're at a networking event, meeting someone for the first time. No sooner do you introduce yourself and say the name of your company, your new acquaintance's face lights up with recognition. He's heard of you and what you do. As you follow up with an email, again your new contact has an "Aha!" moment, because she recognizes your logo.

But your brand is so much more than a mascot, a slogan, or a logo - it's you. By behaving in a consistent way over long periods of time, you're creating a brand that communicates to clients who you are, what you do, and how you can help. When you listen purposefully to the other person, listening three times as much as you speak, you're adding to your "brand" that you're someone who can be relied upon to really care and to give personalized service. Growing your brand can mean growing your relationships, and growing your relationships will mean growing your business.

Shed To Stay Alive

2008-12-24T07:03:00.000-08:00

from the desk of Ron Sukenick

Do you know that, if lizards don't grow and shed their skins, they die? It's the same thing with relationships. One of the goals of this Beyond Networking blog is to help people advance beyond traditional networking to Connection, and from there to Relationship. But relationships aren't static. In fact, healthy relationships are constantly shifting and growing, shedding old ways of being relevant and growing into new ways of benefiting each other.

Relationships can survive even when contact between the parties is "shed" and totally ceases for months or even years. Much later, a person from our past can re-enter our business or personal life. That happens when some new reason to be in touch with each other develops, a relevance that simply wasn't there towards the end of the first phase of that relationship..

One of my professional speaking colleagues, Certified Speaking Professional Kathy B. Dempsey, developed her entire brand around the concept "Shed Or You're Dead." The central theme of Kathy's work is that we have to keep growing - physically, mentally, and spiritually. If we can't shed old ideas, old habits, and sometimes old relationships - we "die"

I've been thinking that the motto "Shed Or You're Dead" is so relevant to my work as a business coach and Certified Human Behavior Consultant™. As we move beyond networking to connection and then to relationship, it's important to remember that NetBeing is not a place at which we "arrive", a final destination of going beyond networking, not at all. Relationships ebb and flow, always moving, always changing, and always shedding what isn't working to make room for vibrant growth on the part of everyone in that relationship. .

When There's Not A Lot To Give, Be Sure You Have Plenty To Share

2008-12-22T14:31:00.000-08:00

From the desk of Ron Sukenick

It’s holiday time, but, around the workplace these days, it may be hard to tell. Companies are cutting back on everything from decorations to parties and bonuses. Since, as a Certified Human Behavior Consultant™, I teach how important it is to relate to the needs of others, it occurs to me that, this holiday season, to a greater extent than at any other time I can recall, we as business people seem to be concerned with needs rather than with “wants”.

In “Holiday trimming”, Indianapolis Star’s Dana Hunsinger offers tips to employers on how to make this a good workplace holiday for their employees, even while cutting costs. Among Hunsinger’s suggestions is giving workers time off to do charity work, letting them go home early on Friday, or allowing them to wear jeans to work. Especially interesting to me was the idea of giving employees time off to attend a networking event!

The first suggestion listed in the article is, in my view, the most important: Communicate! “Let workers know as soon as possible that they will not be getting that usual year-end bonus so they can budget accordingly.”

I want to take that idea of communicating a few steps further. Precisely because all of us, employers and employees alike, are feeling the pinch, now is the perfect time to recognize what a privilege it is, in this season of mass layoffs, to be able to work, to be healthy enough to work, and to be able to share in the building of a business through good times and bad. Now is a time to really “see” and really “hear’ the people who work alongside us every day and whom we often take for granted. So, rather than giving workers time off to do charity work, I’d advise bosses and employees to work together on a volunteer project, and to attend networking events together.

I’m no financial guru, but I suspect this financial crunch won’t last forever. As a business coach and trainer, I know the opportunity to forge new and closer relationships between owners and employees during these difficult times won’t, either. Our Founding Father Thomas Paine referred to his era as “times that try men’s souls”. I’d like to suggest we use this season to take our personal and professional relationships to the next level, through sharing our appreciation of the least costly, yet the dearest, things in life.

Way Less Complicated To Listen

2008-12-19T08:12:00.000-08:00

from the desk of Ron Sukenick

Sometimes I learn valuable lessons from unexpected sources. Dr. Robert Rohm's Discovery Report says the starting point of growth is realizing you have not "arrived" and that you can still learn something that will make you a better person. Well, the other day in the Indianapolis Star, I found a comic strip that emphasizes some of the same things I try to teach about personal communication.

In this episode of the "Cathy" cartoon, Cathy and her boyfriend Irving are talking about Christmas cards. Irving suggests saving time and money by eliminating cards this year. Cathy agrees, suggesting they send each friend a nice note saying they're not sending cards to anyone. Then, Cathy suggests, they'll call to make sure the friends weren't insulted by the note. Next, they'll email the friends to make sure they took the call the right way. Finally, they'll invite the friends to an open house to prove they still value them. At this point, Irving gives up. "Fine, send cards to everyone!"

This humorous exchange contains some serious insights into the dangers of communication where good listening hasn't taken place. In Can You Hear Me Now?, I talked about three stages of purposeful listening: committing yourself to "being in the moment" with the other person, asking questions to clarify that person's intention, and restating in your own words to be sure you have it right. In Employee Benefit Advisor Magazine (a friend who works in human resources sends me articles she knows are relevant to my work), Rob Nielson adds that if you truly want to get to the "top of the mountain", you need to take one more listening step, which is to put yourself in the other person's shoes, and listen empathetically. In addition to really hearing and understanding the message, you can then understand the feelings that go with the message.

"Cathy and Irving", I want to say, "Imagine that, through purposeful listening, you've been able to achieve NetBeing. You've built real relationships with friends and colleagues. Even if you decide not to send cards this season, you won't need to send notes, then call to be sure those notes didn't offend anyone, or hold an open house just to be really sure, and on and on. You and your friends understand each other. You listen. You communicate. You 'get the message'."

It Helps To Know You're A Giraffe

2008-12-17T03:53:00.000-08:00

from the desk of Ron Sukenick

Actor Richard Gere understands one important principle of NetBeing: Before you can understand others, you must first understand yourself. While driving to an appointment the other day, I heard on the radio a report about Gere, who was annoyed at what he perceived to be unfair media coverage about him. The veteran performer summed up his opinions in three very terse but telling statements:

I know who I am.
No one else knows who I am.
If I'm a giraffe, and the press says I'm a snake, I'm still a giraffe.

Dr. Robert Rohm (you remember that I studied under him to become a Certified Human Behavior Consultant™) teaches that better relationships come from our becoming more aware. Awareness, in turn, begins with the person we deal with most - ourself!

In my earlier blog, "Going Beyond Networking - In Style!" I explained that, using the DISC behavior model, we can notice four basic behavior patterns people tend to use. Two of those are more outgoing styles, with one being more people-oriented, the second more task-oriented. The remaining two patterns are more reserved, again with one being more people-oriented, the second more task-oriented. Of course, we're a bit more complicated than that, and we don't always follow our basic behavior pattern. But we typically use one style as our "fall-back" mode, our way of reacting that feels most comfortable. The idea behind all of this is that, as you become familiar with the different styles, you can use the model as a tool for communicating with other people in language that makes them most comfortable and most open to developing a relationship with you.

Richard Gere was annoyed because he was feeling misunderstood by the media. Feeling understood and accepted for who we really are is a basic human yearning, and celebrities are no exception. At the same time, I like the self-awareness Gere shows in his remarks. I spend a lot of time helping people go Beyond Networking to connection and then to relationship, but the process really begins with being able to say what Gere said: "I know who I am."

Can You Hear Me Now?

2008-12-15T04:54:00.000-08:00

from the desk of Ron Sukenick

I have a theory about failure. Whether we're talking about failure in business or the failure of a relationship, I think it all comes back to someone's failure to listen. In my book The Power is in the Connection, my co-author Jane Surges and I explain that failure to listen occurs whenever the receiver "tunes out" the sender before receiving, and understanding, the entire message. We tend to listen only to what we want to hear, don't we?

Since so much of our success, both in our business lives and in our personal relationships, depends on our listening skills, I teach the importance of listening three times as much as we speak. Purposeful listening means committing yourself to "being in the moment" with that other person. Next, purposeful listening involves asking questions to clarify the intention of the other person. Finally, I advise, to complete the listening "transaction", state in our own words what you think you heard, asking "Is that it?" or "Do I have it right?"

My friend Rhoda Israelov writes a blog about business blogging. Knowing that I teach purposeful listening, she called my attention to a blog post of hers called "Ties That Tell The Truth In Blogging", recalling the old children's game of Telephone. The way we both remember the game, we children would be seated in a row, and the first child would be given a phrase or sentence to whisper to the next child, and so on down the line. The object of the game was for the last child to be able to repeat the message exactly as the first had whispered it. Of course, as Rhoda points out, that almost never happened. By the time the message had traveled down the line, it had become distorted and misunderstood.

When we listen with purpose, making a concerted effort to truly understand what the other person is trying to say to us, and only when we do that, we move Beyond Networking. Listening that way has the power to transform an ordinary conversation into a real connection.

Smart Moves Are Always Timely

2008-12-12T05:02:00.000-08:00

from the desk of Ron Sukenick

I like to keep a lot of variety in my reading; you just never know where you'll find a valuable lesson or tidbit of information. I ask my friends to send me articles they read for their own professions, or things they find online that I can use in training people to go beyond traditional networking. One lady who works in the human resources field sent a fascinating article out of Employee Benefit Advisor magazine, written by a George Lane. Lane was talking about our "tenuous economy" and all the significant business risks involved.

Lane pointed out that "reductions in force" (read layoffs) "put many employers in a position from which they will be unable to complete once the economy picks up again." He quoted a Mercer report about managing human capital during slow growth times. The report urges employers (this is one way in which this article is so relevant for my work) to "Communicate frequently and honestly to employees…to counter de-motivating messages." The report praised executives at the European company LaFarge, who, in the face of a corporate initiative to reduce overall costs by 340 million euros, decided to increase their investment in employee education. Another company, Dimension Date, used a series of conference calls and Webcasts to communicate their "Think Wellness" program to employees.

Here's what was so important to me about what these two companies did. They didn't just start doing these things when the economy turned south, and they didn't stop doing them using the downturn as an excuse. "Communicating often and retaining key talent are things that successful companies should be doing all the time", explains Gorge Lane.

That is precisely what I've been teaching and preaching about business connections.
From my own observations, as I explain in The Power Is In The Connection, my theory is that if you keep interacting with someone, and only if you keep doing it (I advise at least six times), you'll keep open the chance of building an incredible relationship. No matter what the economy is doing, no matter how you think your business is doing at any one point in time, staying in touch and making connections are smart moves.

The R.O.I. Of Relationships

2008-12-10T04:31:00.000-08:00

from the desk of Ron Sukenick

It's interesting what happens sometimes when I'm talking to a group about networking and about setting in place a system for building relationships with other people. Someone in the audience will approach me after the talk, or perhaps send me an email, explaining that, while they "get" my message, they simply don't have time in their schedule for deeper relationships in business. They have to keep up their sales quotas, they say, and work on their proposals and projects, handle oceans of email, meet with their accountants, and do whatever else it is they have to do.

So, when they attend a networking event, their goal is to gain exposure to as many different businesspeople as possible, and then, quickly as they can, figure out the one or two people that are in a position to do business with them now. They like the idea of "speed networking", and the speedier, the better as far as they're concerned. Long-term interactions with businesspeople with whom they can form a relationship, they're afraid, constitute a luxury they can ill afford.

Sometimes those same people talk to me about the problems in our economy. In addition to all their normal business challenges, they complain, they have to keep moving quickly (even if that means having shallower relationships, some add) if they're to survive the credit crunch, downsizing, and everything else going on.

When I hear statements such as these from members of my audience, I don't get defensive or angry. As many years as I've devoted to teaching and coaching about networking, it took me years to realize and accept the simple fact that we can help and be helped only when we invest the time to know more about other business people on a deeper level. I use that word "invest" on purpose, because that's exactly what it is, an investment. We make that investment of time, effort, purposeful listening, and helping for a reason. Just as with any financial investment or real estate investment, we do it in order to increase our ROI, our return on investment.

When people finally do "get my message", they realize that taking time to interact at least six times from the time they first meet a new business contact isn't detracting from their business, it is what will build their business! Make no mistake - going beyond just attending networking meetings to creating connections and cultivating relationships is not only personally rewarding - it's very, very good business!

Warming Up To NetBeing

2008-12-08T05:15:00.000-08:00

from the desk of Ron Sukenick

When I first learned about the Ultimate Discovery System, it helped pull together everything I'd observed from three decades of watching and working with people. I carried this even further and studied under Dr. Robert Rohm to become a Certified Human Behavior Consultant™, learning in depth about the Four Main Personality Types. Of course, anything that helps you discover more about your own personality style and about the personality styles of other people, is likely to help create deeper connections to them. One of the really important things I've learned over the years is that the deeper the relationships you can create, the closer you can come to moving beyond networking to NetBeing. Then, I found, the more NetBeing is going on in your life, the closer you come to success and to fulfilling your dreams, no matter what form those dreams take for you.

Since I'm intensely interested in the process of building relationships, I'm always on the alert for articles or TV programs on that subject. Last week the Indianapolis Star had a feature story called "Physical Factors May Affect Emotions". This little story was so relevant to the work I do, I had to follow up on it. I did some "Googling" to track down information about the Yale University study on human behavior mentioned in the Star.

The authors of the study, Lawrence Williams and John Bargh, are interested in how physical warmth affects behavior. This is not a new concept, because psychologists have known for a long time that warm physical contact with caregivers during infancy promotes healthy relationships in adulthood. In this recent study, subjects that held cups of hot coffee in their hands for as little as 25 seconds "warmed up" to perfect strangers, while others who were given cups of iced coffee, were less willing to have conversations with strangers. (Isn't that just absolutely fascinating?)

It occurs to me that what I was getting at in my early blog "More Interactions To Start Relationships" is that, in going beyond networking to relationships, we need to turn each part of the networking process into an interaction. I think you'll agree that means being warmer and more personalized in the way we relate to other people.

Remember that Dee Edwards song, "Say it again, with feeling!" Maybe we need to "Interact again, with warmth!"

A Toaster's No Slot Machine

2008-12-05T03:58:00.000-08:00

from the desk of Ron Sukenick

You've heard me talk about my toaster. I use toasters as a metaphor for business systems that savvy networkers put into place. I explain how, once I've set my toaster dial to "Dark" or "Medium", inserted my bagel or my slice of bread and pushed down the lever, I can let the toaster do its job. Meanwhile, I can go get my juice out of the refrigerator or put the finishing touches on my blog. I don't need to watch the toaster, or keep track of it, or "follow up" with it. The toaster will do what toasters do, and, soon enough, I'll hear the little "ping" that tells me my toast is ready.

"Sure, sure, Ron ", some complain. "You make it sound so simple. How come my phone's not ringing off the hook with referrals? How come I'm not getting dozens of good leads out of every networking meeting I attend? How come I try so hard but don't see immediate results?" Remarks like these are a clue. I've been talking about toasters, but the problem is, these people have toasters confused with slot machines.

See, when you're in the mood for a little bag of Cheez-its or some pretzels, you walk over to the vending machine, put your coins in the slot, and press the B-19 or the A-24 button. You certainly have every right to expect that little bag of Cheez-its or pretzels to come falling down to the opening. It's a simple tit-for-tat proposition. So my theory is, that's why some business people imagine that every time they show up for a networking meeting, they'll be rewarded with, at minimum, a couple of leads. And every time they do a favor for someone, they expect to receive, in short order, a favor in return. (After all, "What goes around comes around." - doesn't it?).

But slot machines aren't good metaphors for effective networking systems, because business is about people, and people don't do well with tit-for-tat propositions. When we use the Ultimate Discovery System to understand the four basic personality styles, when we practice focused, productive listening, when we use the Magic of Six to start relationships (see my earlier blog "Interactions That Start Relationship"), we're setting up our toaster. We've shopped for just the right kind of bread. We've made a decision about whether our toast should be well done or just brown around the edges. We've set out a plate and utensils, and perhaps the cream cheese, peanut butter, or margarine. We've put up the coffee. In other words, for each piece of ready-to-eat toast that pops out of our toaster, we've devoted a lot of preparation and thought.

Remember those old song lyrics, "I beg your pardon - I Never Promised You A Rose Garden"? What I'm attempting to convey to people who want to take their networking to the next level is this: I never promised you a slot machine! Sharpen up your seeing. Deepen your understanding. Shape up your productive listening. Give the right referrals in the right way. Help everywhere you can. Learn all you can from everyone you can.

Once you've done those things, you can go get your juice from the refrigerator or finish up your blog, because your toaster's gonna do what a toaster's gotta do - as sure as my name's Ron Sukenick!

More Interactions To Start Relationships

2008-12-03T08:44:00.000-08:00

from the desk of Ron Sukenick

Networking is a process that uses the Magic of Six. Before we can go beyond networking, we need to learn how to turn each part of the process into an interaction, by adding the crucial extra touches that have the power to propel networkers "into the beyond".

In my earlier blog post I talked about meeting someone for the first time, and turning that meeting into an interaction through focused, other-directed listening, using the three magic words "Tell Me More!".

Then, for the followup e-mail, I talked about creating interaction through sharing a special news item or piece of information relating specifically to the contact's work or personal life. As part of arranging a meeting, I suggested interaction through formulating a specific idea you think can benefit you both and conveying your excitement about that in the e-mail.

Now it becomes time for the actual meeting with the person. And it's exactly at this point in the process that you and your new networking "buddy" come to the proverbial "fork in the road". You might lapse into traditional networking mode. In that mode, each of you understands that you're coming together to achieve your individual goals. Each of you offers leads, perhaps even referrals to the other. Each gains more information about the other's target market and way of operating, but when all is said and done, no real connection has been created.

Alternately, you can choose to move beyond networking into NetBeing. This is where you truly begin to interact, as you and your new business friend discover and reach towards collaborative goals, goals that you both understand could not possibly be achieved by either without the other. You will then have gone beyond networking to create a synergy where the result is more than the sum of the parts.

In traditional networking you would typically thank your new networking friend for taking the time to meet with you. The last part of the networking process consists of staying in touch. Let's talk about saying thank you and about staying in touch. First of all, with today's technology, there are more ways to stay in touch than ever before - we've got online thank you notes, videos on our websites, fax machines, cell phones, text messaging, and chat rooms, any or all of which could be used to say thank you and stay in touch.

Now, going beyond networking doesn't mean ignoring all the wonderful technology at our disposal. What it does mean is finding a way, in every communication, to go deeper, to be more personalized, to create interaction.. Nowadays we have powerful binoculars that help us see so much more, powerful amplifiers to help us hear from further away, but it's still up to us to notice, and to give importance to the precious things we're seeing and hearing from other human beings.

Turning the process of traditional Networking into The Magic of Six Interactions means - getting personal!

Interactions That Start Relationships

2008-12-01T04:06:00.000-08:00

from the desk of Ron Sukenick

Before we can go beyond networking, we need to set in place a process for getting to Connection. We can turn each part of that process into an interaction by adding those crucial extra touches that help take matters "into the beyond".

The process begins when we meet someone for the first time. Say you attended
a networking event. In order to go beyond traditional networking, so that you can develop connections rather than just leads, remember to listen three times as much as you speak. In your conversation with your new acquaintance, use the three magic Beyond Networking words, "Tell Me More!". Do you really want to go beyond traditional networking, turning that first meeting into a first real interaction? As you're preparing to leave the event, make one last round to say goodbye to that person you met for the first time.

Many networkers follow up an initial meeting with an e-mail saying how much they enjoyed the encounter and how much they're looking forward to meeting that contact again soon. If you want to go beyond those traditional statements in your e-mail, turning it into an interaction, specifically mention some news item or piece of information that relates your new contact's work or personal life. "Tom, since you shared with me how much you like sushi, you might want to catch the next meeting of Confluence, which is next Tuesday at a sushi restaurant." "Susie, I've been thinking about what you said about employee absenteeism. When we see each other next time, I'll tell you how I was able to put that tip to use right away in my office." Your e-mail could provide a lead, a suggestion, some information, anything that shows you thought your conversation with him/her was memorable.

Recalling your conversation with your new contact, if you think a project or a partnership with your new acquaintance could be put into place, you can suggest that the two of you get together. If you want to go even further beyond that and create an interaction, you might explain that you've been thinking about the conversation the two of you had. Mention that you're actually working on an idea that you think can benefit you both, and you're excited to share it and get feedback. Remember, in "the beyond", you're trying to accomplish much, more than just leads. You're going for the Connection!

In coming blog posts, we'll talk more about building a system for making connections happen, but for now, keep this in mind: Whenever you follow a system for turning contacts into connections, focusing on going Beyond Networking to true interactions, the good things that start happening can be almost beyond belief!

Opening Up The Five-Word Question

2008-11-28T15:27:00.000-08:00

from the desk of Ron Sukenick

One way to go beyond networking is to take business encounters from mere question-answer fact-finding to the kind of open flow of ideas and information that leads to Connection. And, even though, in my last couple of Beyond Networking blog posts, I've been emphasizing listening with purpose, I need to emphasize that building business relationships is about how you answer questions as much as about how you ask them.

There's one question that you will certainly be asked many times. You may be meeting your girlfriend's parents, or your boyfriend's boss. You may be at a formal networking event, a family or high school reunion, or just at a party. Sure as my name's Ron Sukenick, someone's going to ask you the Five-Worder: "So, What Do You Do?"

(Even if you've spent the past thirty years with a company you love, doing work you adore - aren't you sometimes tempted to shut off conversation by answering something like this: "Oh, a lot of nothing. I'm independently wealthy. I just attend networking functions for laughs!")

The Five-Worder, on the surface of it, is what I call a closed end question, meaning a fact question and facts are what are expected by way of an answer. "I sell software for Dell." "I'm the marketing coordinator for a small business." "I'm a realtor." Once you've provided your factual response to the Five-Worder, the only place the questioner has to go is to ask for more facts! "For Whom? "How long have you been doing that?" Pretty soon, all you've got is an interrogation, not a conversation!

That's why one of the things I teach is to offer an open-ended answer, one designed to make the other person want to say, "Tell me more!" "I help harness technology so it works for you, not you for it!" "I match business stories with business customers." "I move American people from one American Dream to another." Your answer doesn't need to be "cute-sy" - it does need to convey your passion about the work you do, and - it needs to move the conversation further, not stop it dead in its tracks!

Remember, to go Beyond Networking, we need to go beyond question-answer sessions to true conversations.

Open-Ended Questions Go Beyond The Facts

2008-11-26T06:13:00.000-08:00

from the desk of Ron Sukenick

Have you ever spent at least part of your Thanksgiving holiday sharing a feast at someone's home? Have you noticed how the layout of the house affects the way guests relate to each other? I love to watch people, anyway, and I find it so interesting to notice how the architecture and the furniture actually influence the interactions.

Here's what I mean: If there's an open archway or a wide hallway leading into the kitchen, people will congregate around the "island" in that room, moving freely in and out of the kitchen as they carry on their conversations. Then, if there are big spaces opening up into a sunroom or even a bedroom or sitting room, small groups will move into those rooms and continue talking. In other words, the more open the rooms are, and the easier it is for people to move freely in and out of them, the more likely people will be to chat with a lot of different groups and individuals. Then, I noticed, the more filled with furniture a room is, the more likely people will find a spot and just stay there the entire time, talking with the same group of folks.

No, I'm not a realtor, but I am a student of human behavior. I see a parallel between these house "traffic patterns" and relationships, whether they're business or personal ones. Open-ended questions keep a conversation flowing freely. With closed-end (fact-only) questions, once the question's been answered, conversation seems to stop. Remember me talking about the three magic words "Tell Me More"? Those three words are an open invitation to keep talking. Fact questions are closed. Think about the difference between "Where do you work?" and "What do you like best about your work?", or between the question "Will you be attending the networking meeting tomorrow?" and "How do you find this networking group compared with others you've belonged to?".

One "closed" question, "What do you do?" can actually be turned into an open-ended question. Next time I plan to offer some tips on innovative ways to answer that one. For now, though, just remember, Beyond Networking conversations, the ones that use open-ended questions and open-ended answers, the ones that lead to Connection and then to Relationship - those aren't about facts, not really at all. Those conversations are about people.

The Three Magic Words of Beyond Networking

2008-11-24T04:55:00.000-08:00

from the desk of Ron Sukenick

Once we understand that business referrals are much, much better than business leads, we're ready to begin each encounter in a way most likely to bring us those results.

An anecdote that sales trainers love to tell concerns hockey great Wayne Gretzky. (In fact, even if you're no hockey buff, you've probably heard the story.) Asked what the key to his success was, Gretzky explained he always skated "to where the puck was going to be" (meaning not where the puck just had been or where it was right then!).

Now, when speakers and trainers relate the story, the point they usually stress is that Gretzky had no real way of anticipating where the puck would go. He was simply willing to take a chance where others weren't. His guess turned out right just often enough to win games over opponents who were bigger and taller than he was.

As a business coach these many years, I have a little bit of a different "take" on the Wayne Gretzky tale:

When we're meeting another person, too often we rush through the encounter, focused on finding out if there's mutual benefit to be had, so that what results is an exchange of information and leads. All too often, we forget the lesson about listening three times as much as we talk. We forget to listen with purpose, so we miss a lot of important information. If we were to remember to take that important pause, we'd have time to say the three magic words "Tell me more!". Those words can result in understanding other people and having a much more productive relationship with them.

You see, I don't think Wayne Gretzky just got lucky "guessing" where the puck would go. What I think is that Gretzky was far more observant than other players. Because he was open and alert when watching others play, he noticed what their typical reactions were. He wasn't guessing, he knew. His observations of what each player was likely to do in any given situation taught him where the puck was likely to go next. Gretzky simply had more information at his command because he paid more attention to what others did in different game situations.

When you listen purposefully, it's not to make the other person feel good so that he or she will help you get what you want. It's because, whatever your business "game" is, you sincerely want to understand the other person, and you want that person to understand you. Even if you have some "handicap" relative to other players in your field (Wayne Gretzky was smaller and thinner than most of his teammates and opponents, but for you it might be that you have less financial backing for your business than some of your competitors, that you got a late start in your career, that you aren't a commanding speaker, whatever…), you'll be miles - or goals - ahead of others by listening purposefully and using the three magic words "Tell Me More!"

Get Yourself a Toaster!

2008-11-21T18:21:00.000-08:00

You're Right, Too!

2008-11-21T05:18:00.000-08:00

from the desk of Ron Sukenick

There's an old Jewish folk tale about two men, Jacob and Joseph, who were having a dispute. Each was absolutely sure he was right! They asked their Rabbi to settle the argument once and for all. Jacob went first, telling his side of the story with great vehemence. The Rabbi stroked his beard and, saying a number of "Hmm"s, finally concluded, "You know, Jacob, "I think you're right." Then Joseph had his turn, angrily correcting Jacob's version of the story. "Well," concluded the Rabbi, "Joseph, it appears you're right, too!"

By this time a small crowd had gathered. One of the bystanders, unable to contain himself, cried out, "But, Rabbi! They can't both be right!" A brief silence, punctuated by more "Hmm's" ensued. Finally, the Rabbi said to the bystander, "You know, you're right, too!"

In an earlier Beyond Networking blog (see Which Comes First: Let's Do It, Or Let's Think It Through?) I explained that the Model of Human Behavior I use in my work as a Certified Human Behavior Consultant™ reveals there are four main personality styles. What's more, just like the men consulting their Rabbi, all four of these styles are "right". How can this be?

Each of us has a style of relating to events and to other people. That's why I always tell my coaching clients that they can't change other people. What they can do, though, is adapt the way they relate to those other people and learn to better meet the needs of others.

Being able to make this kind of adaptation is the key to going from leads to referrals, from networking to NetBeing. Ultimately, it can mean going from "so-so" to success!

Which Comes First: Let's Do It, Or Let's Think It Through?

2008-11-19T05:12:00.000-08:00

from the desk of Ron Sukenick

I've been a personal and business coach for almost three decades, teaching and preaching the power of networking all of that time. But it was the Ultimate Discovery System that helped me uncover secrets that pulled together everything I'd observed from all those years watching and working with people. If you think about it, anything that helps you discover more about your own personality style and about the personality styles of other people, is likely to help you talk to them in a productive and satisfying way. (You know how, when you visit an optometrist and you're looking into the machine that tests different lenses? Suddenly, when the right lens appears - Wow! Everything that's been blurry is now, in one instant, made clear. That's how it felt for me to be given a key to understanding other people's behavior and, even more important, my own.)

To give you an idea of how learning about the Four Main Personality Types can take all your relationships to the next level, imagine there's an important and exciting project going on. There are four people discussing the project and how it should be approached.

The D type is saying "Get it done!" and "Let's Make It Happen!"

The I type is saying "This is so exciting! Think about all the recognition we'll get!"

The S type is neutral, wanting to avoid conflict, ready to support the others, and hoping all the team members will get along with each other.

The C type is saying "What's our plan? Let's be sure to do this right and not rush into things."

Do you recognize yourself in any of these "thumbnail" descriptions of the team members? Can you see how valuable it would be, if you were the one trying to sell everyone else on moving forward with this project, for you to be sensitive to each person's way of approaching the idea? All of us do our very best work when we are made to feel comfortable and valued. Learning this new "language" of the personality types can help develop the relationships that make things happen for everybody.

Which comes first? They all can! Once you move beyond networking to really connecting and creating relationships, why you can do it AND think it through!

What Could Be Better Than Leads?

2008-11-17T04:07:00.000-08:00

from the desk of Ron Sukenick

You're on your way home from a networking event, and, well, you're rather pleased with yourself. Not only were you able to collect several dozen business cards while handing out a similar number of your own, but two individuals you met actually gave you "leads". Now you have in your proud possession the names and contact information for companies your networking friends think might be able to use your products and services. What could possibly be better than that?

And the answer is…(TV quiz show drum roll here) Referrals!

Let's backtrack a moment. In this Beyond Networking blog, remember, the goal is to reach further - and deeper - beyond traditional networking, getting to the point where networking really starts to work for us. The fact is, study after study demonstrates that your best clients meet you through an introduction from someone they already trust. In other words, the way to meet really good clients is through referrals.

Every sales training course (I've taken many and led many!) talks about referrals, and about how lack of commitment to getting referrals can limit a business person's success. Bill Cates, author of Get More Referrals, has something truly worthwhile to say about the big R's, something very much in tune with my Beyond Networking principles. A common error, Cates says, is making referrals be about you, where you, in the old sales-school style, explain to clients that your business is built on referrals. What the clients hear is that, in order for you to keep providing them with good client service, they need to help you grow your business by supplying names of their friends and associates.

"Clients give referrals only when they see the value in the work you do," Cates explains, suggesting that if a business is not getting referrals without asking, it's a signal something's wrong.

In coaching hundreds of people over the years, I've arrived at a very simple conclusion about all of this: R's (referrals) depend on R (relationship). As we continue to create deeper relationships with our clients, coworkers, and network contacts, referrals will follow. My book, The Power Is In The Connection, is all about relationships.

What's better - much, much better - than a lead? A relationship, and its inevitable result - a referral!

One + One + One + One = Success

2008-11-14T04:30:00.000-08:00

From the desk of Ron Sukenick

Have you ever been DISC=ed? The DISC Personality Profile is an indispensable tool for my work as business adviser and personal coach. One interesting thing I found out while studying under Dr. Robert Rohm is that most of the world's major corporations use the DISC to form effective teams. In today's fast-paced, global business environment, that's how most of the work gets done - it's assigned to project teams.

Teams, of course, are made up of people, individuals with unique personalities and behavior styles. It's obvious that team members must be able to get along and communicate effectively with one another, with other teams, and with management. But corporate leaders know teamwork goes well beyond just getting along and communicating results. They know that having different personality styles represented on one team is the secret to competitive performance. That secret lies in the synergy of different perspectives and different talents being brought to bear to solve problems and arrive at innovative business solutions. Synergy means that the whole adds up to more than the sum of the parts. Synergy is the magic that happens when teamwork really works!

Now, some of the businesses for whom I'm the adviser are so small, they don't have all four DISC personality types on their company team. That's exactly where going Beyond Networking helps. Those very small businesses create their magic by connecting with other business owners. (Remember, we're not talking about exchanging leads and referrals a' la traditional networking; we're about going beyond that to Connection.)

The DISC Personality Profile reveals that people fall into four general personality styles. But, with the synergy of Connection and going Beyond Networking...

1+1+1+1= Success!

The Three Stages

2008-11-12T03:32:00.000-08:00

From the desk of Ron Sukenick

In a sense, I've always been about business, and today, quite a number of entrepreneurs look to me as their business advisor. But sometimes, when people first find out I'm a Certified Human Behavior Consultant™ and hear me talk about "going beyond networking to connection", they don't get it. "C'mon, Ron," they say, "Gimme a break. I've got a business to run!" One small business owner put it like this: "I barely have time to network at all, let alone go beyond networking. Why are you trying to steer my focus away from my business?"

Interesting…only last month in INBIZ Magazine, well-known local leadership coach Ron Ernst (could the first name Ron indicate a coaching predilection?) wrote an article that answers my small business owner friend's question. Ernst talks about "navigating the three stages of business growth". Organizations pass through three distinct phases, he points out, from start-up through validation and finally (this is the part that relates to Beyond Networking) to "conscious growth". This third stage, Ernst explains, is where "businesses grow up".

To the question "Why are you trying to steer my focus away from my business?" my namesake Ron is replying that no business can grow up without focusing into (not away from!) itself. That's why he calls that third stage conscious growth.

So, why is my focus on going beyond networking to NetBeing, on connection rather than leads, and on self-discovery? Because businesses can't "grow up" until their leaders do. Businesses can't have sustained growth until their leaders create a working environment that fosters personal growth for everyone in the business and for everyone who does business with that business.

In every sense, connection is all about business. I'm Ron Sukenick, and my goal is to help every business get to Ron Ernst's third stage - and beyond!

Going Beyond Networking - In Style!

2008-11-10T06:34:00.000-08:00

From the desk of Ron Sukenick

Before starting out on a journey, it helps to think about how things might look at our destination point. You and I, remember, are going into the Beyond Networking zone (beyond traditional networking, that is) and on to Connection, and then further on, to Relationship. And we don't want to just get there - we want to relish the trip itself, every step of the way.

When I was studying under Dr. Robert Rohm to become a Certified Human Behavior Consultant™, one of the very first things I learned about was the Four Main Personality Styles. Of course, the whole purpose of studying these is to be able to really understand what another person is saying, and what motivates that person. No, we're not talking about some parlor game that helps you "guess" what others' styles are, but a way to better connect with all kinds of people. Connection, remember, constitutes the first big leg on our journey to Relationship.

Dr. Rohm uses a model of human behavior called the DISC. You may have heard of the DISC, because so many big corporations use the DISC profile in working with their employees and maximizing the productivity of business teams. The DISC is based on four basic behavior patterns that people tend to use. (By no means is Dr. Rohm implying that each of us always follows one type, because we all use all four styles in different settings and different situations.) What almost all of us have, though is a "fall-back" style of behavior, a way of being that feels most natural and comfortable, a style we tend to use first, and which we use without thinking about it!

Discovering our own style and learning to recognize others' styles can give us an extremely valuable tool in building connections that work. The DISC has proven to be a very powerful tool for beginning this self-discovery. For today, I'll just mention the four styles, and then we'll go much deeper into each type later on.

D stands for Dominant, I for Inspiring, S for Supportive, and C for Cautious.

If you're fresh from many years of old-style networking, I imagine that every fiber of your businessperson self is screaming with impatience (if you're still reading this blog). After all, there's business to tend to and deals to close. Who has time time for self-discovery? You need results!!

I have three words for you if that's the way you're thinking: Hold those horses! Remember what we don't want - to keep up this frantic pace of working at networking. We want networking to work for us! To do that, we need to reach beyond networking and go inward a bit. We need to understand what really makes business people "tick", and what makes us tick in "style"!

Play It Again, Sam!

2008-11-07T03:39:00.000-08:00

from the desk of Ron Sukenick

It’s fundamental – people are more likely to repeat behaviors that bring them a feeling of reward. It’s the same with networking. At traditional networking events, the way it used to be, each of us tried our best to connect with certain other individuals. We thought those connections would be rewarding because of those people’s positions. Say I sold products or services that were used in hospital rooms. I would’ve been particularly interested in meeting you if I thought your position would make meeting you rewarding. Why? Well, either you worked for a hospital, or you sold products or services to hospitals and had an “in” at certain hospitals that I did not. I really wasn’t interested in you as a person, nor did I expect you to want to know me as an individual. Our purpose lay in our respective positions.

So, I zeroed in on you and started a conversation. If that looked as if it was going to be rewarding, (meaning I got some leads), I would keep trying the same approach with others in your position. I’d repeat my behavior, because I found that behavior gave me rewards.

NetBeing goes far beyond traditional position-based networking.(NetBeing is a word that was coined to capture the essence of a relationship mindset.) NetBeing has a person-to-person, not a position-to-position focus, and links to creativity, ideas, resources, and synergy, not just leads. Looked at from a NetBeing standpoint, even if it turned out that I got no leads at all from talking with you, I could still benefit from our conversation and find it rewarding. I might have gained valuable insights into the workings of hospitals. Perhaps, in the process of sharing experiences in sales, a new approach to selling to hospitals emerged for both of us.

So, what about leads? Don’t we need those to get rewarded in our careers? And, if we don’t find out what the other person’s position is, won’t we just waste our time, with nothing accomplished? The a-m-a-z-ing answer to that question is – that’s not at all what happens with connecting and with NetBeing. Once we broaden our focus and begin to build connections that transcend position, wonderful rewards start to happen for everyone. But, before we can enjoy those rewards, we need to break out of those set ideas about leads and positions.

Once we experience the rewards of NetBeing, with its long-lasting and more meaningful sharing with other business people, we’ll be wanting to do it again. After all, we’re human, and we repeat behaviors we find truly rewarding. Using the NetBeing approach, we’ll soon be saying, “Play it again, Sam!”

Inward Bound

2008-11-05T04:01:00.000-08:00

From the desk of Ron Sukenick

Your first instinct, when thinking about going into the Beyond Networking zone, is probably to picture being outward bound, going outside your circle of friends to meet new people. After all, what you're trying to do is create connections that can benefit your business. Perhaps when you think about going beyond traditional ways of doing things and moving outward, you're conjuring up a mental image of the Space Shuttle, or, if you're a science fiction fan, you see the image of a time machine reading to speed you into the future. That's how I started out thinking about reaching beyond networking, too. But true Beyond Networking actually starts in the other direction. To progress from the shake-hands-and-hand-out-a-lot-of-cards-and-brochures type of networking, and move on to Connection, we start by going inward.

You see, we each have our own built-in perspective on life and on everything that's happening around us. Often, when a sale or a business deal doesn't go the way we expected, we find that hard to understand. After all, from our perspective, this deal (or sale) was the best thing since sliced bread! (The other person was just blind not to realize that!) The fact is, we can't understand - until we understand the Model of Human Behavior. We can network all day long, but until we truly get to know our own behavior style and then come to know the behavior styles of other people, we'll never really get it. Oh, we may succeed in getting our sales numbers up and even pull off some really big business deals, but we'll never reach the Connection phase. That would be a pity, too, because the connection phase is where stuff really starts to happen for us and for everyone with whom we connect.

Once I'd studied to become a Certified Human Behavior Consultant, offering the Ultimate Discovery System, a whole lot of things started becoming clear that had once been the source of my biggest frustrations.(I'm still on my journey with a long way to go, but now I know the right direction to be heading.) Try to imagine this: If you could read someone else's mind, and understand "where that person is coming from", you'd be so much better equipped to communicate clearly to that person, wouldn't you? In this blog, Beyond Networking, we'll be exploring the four personality styles (it really does feel like exploring a beautiful park or a secret cave!), always coming back to where everything begins - understanding ourselves.

Let me put this another way - have you ever been driving home after an unsuccessful meeting? (You know, you didn't make that sale, or you didn't get the other person excited enough to want to participate in your project?) Having been involved in sales and in projects my whole life, I know how that feels, all right! So you're driving along, asking a lot of Why's: Why couldn't he…? Why didn't she…..? Why can't they…??? Sound familiar? That's exactly the point of going Beyond Networking. All those "Why's" come from outward-bound thinking, and, remember, we're going beyond that!

Watch out - we're coming IN!

WHY A BLOG ABOUT BEYOND NETWORKING?

2008-11-03T12:12:00.000-08:00

From the desk of Ron Sukenick

They say all good things in life start at the beginning. Sometimes, though, we get pretty far down a certain road before we realize that road isn’t leading exactly where we want to go. Much as we’d prefer to keep moving forward, it might be a better idea to turn around, go back, and make a brand new beginning, using all the lessons we’ve learned on the round trip! This blog is about new beginnings, and how we can move beyond the old ways and the old thinking to create a new reality for ourselves.

“Wait a minute!” you say. Is this Ron Sukenick that is talking about going beyond networking? The same Ron Sukenick who’s been teaching and preaching networking, networking, and more networking for what seems like the last three decades? The same Ron Sukenick who’s recognized as one of the nation’s leading experts on the art and impact of - networking?”

Yes, yes, and yes. See, here’s the thing: Back in the 70’s and 80’s, when formal business networking was first growing in popularity, it was all about making contacts. To create success, we wanted to meet with lots of people, tell them about our business, and then follow up to convert total strangers into loyal customers and clients. Dressed in mode-of-the-moment business attire, armed with hundreds of business cards and brochures, we “worked the room” at networking meetings with efficiency. Considering it a “no-no” to spend too much of our precious time with just a few individuals, we scanned the room, moving quickly from encounter to encounter, giving “spiels”, jotting notes, and shaking hands, listening to just enough of others’ remarks to rank them as useful to us or a waste. As our crop of contacts grew, we needed to “manage” those, being careful to catalog all the business cards in order to select only the hottest of the hot leads for followup,

At some point, somehow, we began to sense that something was missing. I was thinking the other day about Mel Gibson making a movie about what women want. I’m not a movie maker, but I thought the time was ripe for a blog about what networkers want that traditional networking just can’t supply. I began to realize we don’t want to just keep working at networking; we want to have networking work for us! To do that, we need to reach beyond networking - to connection.

As part of my own new beginning and my resolve to go beyond networking, I co-authored the book, The Power Is in the Connection, introducing fifteen relationship building strategies, as the next level up from a networking approach. I’ll be sharing some of these relationship strategies here in the Beyond Networking blog. But, as I came to understand how we need to BE before we can DO, I knew there was an even deeper aspect to connection. I studied under world-famous communications and relationship development expert Dr. Robert Rohm to become a Certified Human Behavior Consultant™, offering my clients the Ultimate Discovery System. I’ll be sharing more about the Personality Insights assessment tools in this blog as well.

We cannot Beware of something until we are Aware of it, so the blog will be about becoming aware of what lies beyond traditional networking. I’ll be here blogging on Beyond Networking blog every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, working to provide a platform for networkers to achieve the kind of sharing networkers really want and need. Together, we’ll build business by going beyond networking to Connection, and then by going beyond connection to Relationship. We’ll share the tools. We’ll share stories. We’ll share resources. Watch out world – we’re going into the Beyond!